<p>My boyfriend started dating me after a bad breakup with a girl this past summer (he initiated the breakup). There is still currently some tension between the two, I don't think the ex is quite over the breakup. She recently got angry at him for dating me so soon after the breakup.</p>
<p>This semester the ex transferred to my small LAC. I was aware that she was transferring because she messaged me on Facebook asking about the school, and I replied by answering her questions. When the semester started I added her on Facebook, because I thought it might be a good idea to start on the right foot if I was going to see this gal. I offered to help show her around/help her settle in and wished her luck with the upcoming semester.</p>
<p>Crazy enough, she ends up being in my psychology class, and sits behind me. (She is also taking another course that I am taking.) During the first class I got the sense that she's intelligent, but also craves attention and approval; I also felt like we were almost competing. After class she invited me to coffee. I kind of felt uncomfortable during the time, but she was very talkative and we just talked about random things.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that she seems very nice at the surface, but I can't help but be suspicious. My boyfriend says that she desires attention, but we're not sure exactly why she insists on wanting to get to know me so much. I don't like to judge people based on rumors/talk, but in this case it's my boyfriend's ex so I'm not quite sure how I should approach the situation. Am I being unreasonable? Has anybody had similar experiences or advice or thoughts? At this point I don't exactly want to be best friends with this girl, but I'm still going to be open to friendship.</p>
<p>If I were you I wouldn't let your relationship with the boyfriend prevent you from making friends, even with people he may not neccesarily like anymore. I know I made that mistake last semester by spending way too much time with my bf and staying kinda distant with people who didn't neccesarily think as highly of him as I did. However, its a new semester, my boyfriend and I had a less than ideal though not horrible breakup and are no longer friends, and I've found that I missed on getting to know a lot of wonderful people (as well as better understanding my ex since these were people he saw about as much as he saw me). </p>
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you have no obligation to be friends with your boy's ex. you have an obligation to be civil, even friendly, yes, but you DON'T have to be bff..
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<p>Yeah, that's what I feel, but she seems to have the urge to be bffs (or she's like that with everyone) so I have to be careful in not hurting her feelings.</p>
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If I were you I wouldn't let your relationship with the boyfriend prevent you from making friends, even with people he may not neccesarily like anymore. I know I made that mistake last semester by spending way too much time with my bf and staying kinda distant with people who didn't neccesarily think as highly of him as I did. However, its a new semester, my boyfriend and I had a less than ideal though not horrible breakup and are no longer friends, and I've found that I missed on getting to know a lot of wonderful people (as well as better understanding my ex since these were people he saw about as much as he saw me).
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<p>Thanks for the advice, muzicgirl, but it's not so much of me not hanging out with all of my girlfriends, because I do hang out with a lot of my friends (I go to a women's college, I get plenty of time to do so). The issue I am dealing with is more directed towards my bf's ex wanting to be bffs forevah but me not being too sure how to respond.</p>
<p>That really does sound like an uncomfortable situation, but I would have expected it to be even more awkward for her. So, if she's willing to befriend you, you might as well try to move past the uncomfortable feeling. At the same time, however, keep some kind of guard up just in case there really is more to it all than meets the eye.</p>
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Yeah, that's what I feel, but she seems to have the urge to be bffs (or she's like that with everyone) so I have to be careful in not hurting her feelings.
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<p>at least she doesn't hate you..my boyfriend's ex does haha</p>
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at least she doesn't hate you..my boyfriend's ex does haha
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<p>Oh I am so glad I don't have to worry about being attacked on campus or something. The thing is that I'm not sure if she wants to get to know me because she wants to see if she's "better" than me (from my understanding she's somewhat insecure and could possibly do this) or whether she truly just wants to move on.</p>
<p>The bf is weirded out by the situation because she said a lot of hurtful things during the breakup and now she's acting like nothing happened. One of our mutual friends got mad at him because the mutual friend had invited the ex (a good friend of hers) and us to a movie but he told her he didn't feel comfortable going.</p>
<p>I actually agree with the bf, I wouldn't have wanted to go together to the movie if she were there. My thinking is that to possibly become friends with the ex, I need to hang out with her without the boyfriend so she could begin to think of me as a separate individual and not just competition.</p>
<p>if i were you, i wouldn't bother becoming friends with her. she probably has some sort of ulterior motive, or she wants to act super friendly so that it doesn't seem like she hates you (that's what i did when i met my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend..didn't work out so well haha).</p>
<p>I agree with leah catsushi and if you were my kid I would tell you that her behavior is a little creepy and that you should listen to the instincts that have already whispered "awkward" "uncomfortable" and "hmmmmmmm strange" I think it is great to be civil and polite but I wouldn't cultivate a relationship at all or encourage her. Watch Single White Female if you need additional input ;)</p>
<p>Tell her she is being a stalker and that you don't appreciate it. Also, tell her that life moves on, and that if she keeps reliving the past she is only going to hurt herself.</p>
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Tell her she is being a stalker and that you don't appreciate it. Also, tell her that life moves on, and that if she keeps reliving the past she is only going to hurt herself.
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<p>Now I think that's being a little too harsh, and would make me seem like the bad guy in the situation, because she isn't outwardly being creepy.</p>
<p>I think I have started to feel a lot more comfortable around her by reminding myself that I don't have to force myself to be friends with her.</p>