So this is an issue I’ve had for a while, and some may argue that it’s simply a way for teachers to push you to do better, but this goes beyond the level of educational pressure that I’m comfortable with. I have two music teachers, one who’s class I have twice a week at school, and one who directs an afterschool band, which I partake in 8 hours a week. The latter is my greatest, time-consuming hobby, with both activities contributing to my whole “music persona”, which I want to make clear on my college resume; I love music and released my own material with my band, and other than my 15hr/wk job, writing achievements and mild school involvement with single-handedly organizing school-wide events, I have nothing to show colleges I spend my time outside of school productively or, at least, for long periods of time
The issue is that I’m not a very social kid in my ensemble and grew to despise many people in it (preppy, think they’re never wrong, being in my school’s best ensemble). As a result, I don’t fit in socially and am constantly made fun of for any minor mistake I do, throwing in personal insults in between, and even in conversational tone, my director and teacher treat me like an idiot, because I have a mild accent, as I’m not originally from this country. I don’t feel any passion for personal growth in music anymore, and I feel like a slave, doing these programs to satisfy my college application.
I’m afraid that, being a junior who’s done school ensemble for three years and the supreme group for this school year, quitting everything next year would be highly detrimental. What should I do in a situation like this? I’ve been willing to fight through this for this entire year, but I don’t know if it’s worth doing all over again, for future’s sake.
Any advice is appreciated
Part of the problem is your fault.
i doubt things will be different in college, so either you change or go thru 5 more years of this
Oh come off it, both of you. That’s an idiotic view to take with someone who says they’re being bullied.
OP: if you want to quit, quit. I’m sure you can find other things to fill your time.
Hmm, maybe I didn’t feel the need to clarify, since I wanted objective advice, but I can’t exactly change much in my case. This isn’t a problem I have with any group of people, these two teachers happen to be friends and I think they’re influencing one another. I’ve been in ensembles where this kind of personal pressure never happened, everything got done and if anyone messed up with something, it wouldn’t follow with jokes against your ethnicity
Hey guys, this is a 16 y.o. kid looking for help. Your comments were too abrupt and cryptic, so they come across as unkind.
Salingere, I don’t understand some of what you said. You said you released your own material with your own band. Is this the same band that has some people you don’t like, and who you think makes fun of you (and the teacher too?). If so, then the fact that they used your material says to me that they liked it. How much of an “idiot” (using your words as to how you think the teacher views you) can you be, if they use your compositions? I think what TomSr and Maxim were saying is that this might be more of a personality conflict rather than anything else, and sometimes it is good to take a step back from everything and re-evaluate the situation. It can be a real, positive growth experience in your life if you can try to work this out; life is filled with various conflicts and learning to deal with them is an important life skill. I think one of TomSr’s points is that you might be unwittingly contributing to this situation because it sounds as if you have judged some of the kids in the band and have labeled them. You may have done this as a defense mechanism, but it might be hurting you. To overcome the conflict, oftentimes you have to be the one to make the first move, even though you feel like you’re the victim. Take a step back and think about the teachers for a minute. Do you really believe they think less of you (even though they used your materials), or do you think they just have mannerisms that feel uncomfortable for you, such as them being gruff or pushy? If you think it’s just their mannerisms, maybe you could have a heart to heart with them to let them know that you feel so uncomfortable with the group that you are thinking of dropping this next year, but you’d prefer to change the situation instead and do they have any advice?
I’m sorry you are having this negative experience. I think at this point you have to weigh whether this has already worn you down so much that you just have to escape, or whether you still have enough emotional energy to try to fix this and gain some tremendously important life skills along the way.
I see no reason to participate in an extracurricular activity you don’t enjoy. Why can’t you focus on your own band?
Do you have a private music teacher? Does he/she offer to coach small ensembles.
My D quit her orchestra and focused on a chamber music group that was more fun. She wrote essays about how she learned that she didn’t have to do everything the “conventional” way, but the way that was right for her. She did great in college admissions.
Outside of school, you should do things that you enjoy. Be who you want to be. Colleges that don’t appreciate that person are the wrong schools for you anyway.
Thank you guys, this is a difficult decision for me to go through with, but I appreciate all the advice, given somewhat limited and cryptic info I gave. This isn’t a situation where I feel I have enough time or actual ability to change relations with people in my ensembles, but I think I’ll actively start seeking other opportunities in the sphere, while pondering how to approach either my counselor or teachers about problems I’m having.