As a parent, we always want best for our children.
This is my 2nd Child going through this College selection process and both have made the difficult decision to bypass a college that has offered really generous merit aid to instead attend one that has offered nothing.
My oldest daughter, after much deliberation and consultation decided to attend Brandeis and she did internally debate passing an excellent merit scholarship from perhaps a slightly lesser rated institution. Upon reflection, she will be graduating in 3 more weeks and after looking back has realized it was the right fit for her.
My 2nd daughter, is also experiencing a similar dilemma. After decided her dream school is near a beach in Miami, and was awarded an extremely generous offer, has decided that her better fit is a school in St Louis (no where near a beach) and has committed to Wash U
both daughters asked honest questions about finances and both were respectful of the additional burdens those decisions create for her parents. In the end, as a parent, (and one who can stretch things a bit to be able to make it financial accessible) we have committed to allow them (perhaps even encourage them) to pursue the college that they would like to go without worrying about debt.
so here is my question for the rest of us and here I being completely truthful.
NO WAY ARE EITHER OF THESE SCHOOLS WERE THE MONEY!
Ok, I said and I was being honest (helps that things are anonymous).
Will my daughters be happier, healthier, meet finer people, loves of their lives? Will they rise to the levels of scholarship
that the brochures and websites promise.
All probably not…
I guess I have to tell myself that it is better to allow them to find their happiness at their dream schools even if it means kraft mac and Cheese more often in the years ahead.
I can only speak to one situation. A friend’s daughter turned down a full-ride track scholarship to an elite college to attend full-pay Georgetown instead. She later went to the London School of Economics. She now teaches aerobics in Dubai.
It’s definitely a “gut check” moment. Different people will make different decisions when they check in with their guts on major life decisions like this.
I think maybe I hear a little resentment when you say IN ALL CAPS that the schools are not worth the money. So, maybe a mistake? On the other hand, you seem to think Brandeis was the right choice looking back.
Really, nobody really knows the answers but you. People spend their money on all sorts of things that others don’t understand.
A friend of mine went to a directional U, and after spending some time at LSE, is a Prof of some sort at one of those universities that predates the Renaissance and whose alumni includes royalty by the bucketsful. Not my thing, but he’s a good guy and I don’t think less of him for seeking the gig. (I guess I lean more parliamentarian )
sorry if typing all caps was a tad dramatic, (and made worse because of my typo, I meant not “worth” as opposed to typing “were”).
nevertheless. I can afford it. While it is a decision to ultimately support my kids choices (consulted with both parents), I sometimes wonder if all of the efforts to land into elite schools is truly ever worth the money? I am neither resentful nor frustrated. Perhaps this process has better allowed me to appreciate how truly blessed I am that I can allow them to give up serious $$ to go to better colleges.
I just have to rationalize it and have the tug of war between what I want for them vs being overly practical.
I didn’t have to have my kids take out loans, Nor will I
I will be forever appreciative that I am in a place in life that this is even a consideration.
Just sometimes makes me wonder that as a consumer (that being all paying customers of colleges), if we all just said NO to these pricey schools, NO to these inflated app fees, no to continued building of fancy gyms and dorms and additional administrators to create better brochures to lure good students, would this cycle of hyper inflation end?
Once you allowed the first child to spend big bucks on university you were committed to do the same with every child (for the rest of all time, or until you run out of children, whichever comes first).
For what it is worth, Washington U is a great university.
“if we all just said NO to these pricey schools, … would this cycle of hyper inflation end?”
I think that this would be necessary for the cycle to end. None of us can do this on our own however.
@Darthdad Noodles and cheese are no way to eat in your future. Buy a chicken, throw it into a pot with some vegetables, seasoning and make some chicken soup. It will make all feel better and you’re eating healthier. :))
Plenty of people are saying no. Those kids take the merit money, attend the state university, or go to a lower ranked but still excellent college that costs less. Most families are not on the hamster wheel of elite university admissions.
If she goes to Wash U, there’s no harm in asking her in November if it’s worth the money. Four years ago, my S chose the expensive, highly ranked school of his dreams, over the well-respected small LAC that offered a generous scholarship and came in at roughly half the cost. Our deal was that we would pay half of the cost to attend before scholarships. He had some money that his grandmother left him, so we made him write the first check. It must have been nauseating for him because the next semester he transferred to that same LAC, scholarships intact. He decided that it wasn’t worth the money to him. He never looked back and never had to pay a dime of his own money.
Wash U is a great place to transfer from; transferring into, on the other hand, would be a lot tougher.
“Just sometimes makes me wonder that as a consumer (that being all paying customers of colleges), if we all just said NO to these pricey schools, NO to these inflated app fees, no to continued building of fancy gyms and dorms and additional administrators to create better brochures to lure good students, would this cycle of hyper inflation end?”
YES – If enough of us did, that would definitely happen. Of course if enough people wised up about the Apple closed economy, they would change their practices as well. Probably never going to happen in either case as consumers don’t behave that rationally en masse. I think what is more likely is something like the housing bubble: Eventually, we may hit a major recession/depression that leaves a lot of college educated professionals unemployed or underemployed. Like mortgages, student debt defaults will increase 10x. Lending practices will change and that will change the supply/demand equation at universities. But the question is will they be able to function at lower tuition, or will those dollars be so ingrained in their budgets that there is seemingly no way out?
For your question – I think you already know the answer and have said as much. It’s like driving that new car off the lot rather than buying the same model 1 year older for 20% less with 12K miles and still under a 100K manufacturer warranty. There is no way to financially justify it, but people make that decision every day. Or paying $9 for a glass of wine at a restaurant when the same wine costs $11 a bottle at the grocery. Your decision was generous. It probably wasn’t financially defensible, but that’s OK.
It is natural for a dad to want to give a daughter everything they can – I’ve got two of my own! I just made the exact opposite decision with my oldest (took the free ride and said goodbye to dream schools that she got into), but it hurt us both to do it. I don’t condemn you for doing otherwise (even though if my daughter reads this she’ll be jealous!) I hope that after four years we are just as certain that we made the right decision as our oldest is, and as a bonus we will be in a position to pay for med school with cash instead of loans.
@NashvilletoTexas: Don’t think it is a bubble because there are a ton of rich people in the world (inequality has been increasing many places, if you’ve noticed).
Elite colleges were underpriced for a long time until recently decades. They’ve been steadily increasing prices to find the equilibrium point but they haven’t yet. Demand still outstrips supply. It’s a shock to old college administrators as well, BTW.
You are not delusional, but you are looking at it all wrong. Congratulations on being able to send your daughters to the great college of their choice. I did the same thing. I think that it is worth it. Nobody’s going to tell me otherwise. (They can try but I will not hear).
View this decision with pride and enjoy the knowledge that you are “passing it forward” and will be an example to your own kids to do the same.
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