Calling all with writing talent... or an opinion

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Although I'm ordinarilly a decent writer, I have hard time dealing with time limits and pencils (as a homeschooler I type EVERYTHING on the computer). I'm doing some essay practice and here is my first attempt. I would be deeply indebted and eternally thankful to any who would offer critiques or criticism. Be as harsh and honest as you please. With that said, I lay my first attempt on the chopping block… </p>

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<p>Taken from the Bluebook, Test 1's essay prompt. </p>

<p>In a world of constant forward motion—technological advances, expanding economies, and the internet—many are discovering that their own lives are morphing as well. Outside influences such as social pressure, family, and the media spark personal revolutions every day. Unfortunately, such changes are, at times, detrimental. </p>

<p>Health and physical fitness are factors that are greatly stressed today. Obesity and smoking habits kill hundreds. Quitting requires a great motivation. Some are motivated by their children. To one day know their grandchildren they must put down the cigarette. </p>

<p>In the younger age groups, the media plays an enormous role in the formation years. Seven year old girls are bombarded with messages from the Disney Channel’s Lizzie Maguire, telling them that the key to success is found in good looks and a cute boyfriend. Girls who might other wise form great friendships with the opposite sex are suddenly transformed into boy crazy “tweens.” </p>

<p>I know that in my own life, I am most motivated by the outside factors of succeeding academically. My friends compare SAT scores and GPAs, and relatives are always sure to ask where I’m going to go to school. Such pressure is not entirely negative because it keeps my focus on something I deem important. To keep up with my friends I pick up my history book for an extra hour. To satisfy grandpa, I will be pushing myself for acceptance at an Ivy League School. </p>

<p>Outside motivation can harm or hinder depending entirely on the situation and personal character. Our fast-paced world assures us that change will happen, but we must be careful to not let the detrimental outweigh the beneficial.</p>

2

<p>General tips:</p>

<p>Fill both pages completely.
Intro: Strong thesis.
First body: Personal Connection
Second body: Literary Connection
Third body: Historical/Whatever Connection
Conclusion: Restate thesis and apply your opinions to the world.</p>

3

<p>The second paragraph is waaaayyy too choppy. Its just like Short sentence. Short sentence. Short sentence. Overall, just make it flow more and read more easily, otherwise its pretty good. You have good substance, but you just need more style.</p>

4

<p>basically, if you can fill the entire booklet, and all the lines with writing, you are guaranteed a 12. So, just work on that...</p>

<p>BTW, thats how stupid the writing exam is.</p>

5

<p>I scored a 10....with all the lines filled in.</p>

6

<p>basically, if your writing doesnt exactly flow well but you use good examples (id personally only stick with historical and literary, but personal is fine if its good) then your guarenteed AT LEAST a 10.</p>

<p>i got a 10 and i wrote the crappiest essay ever</p>

7

<p>My friend used up all of the lines, wrote a pretty crappy essay (I read it online) and got a 7 all together. </p>

<p>I left about a half of the second page blank and got a ten so...</p>

8

<p>Yeah, I don't think that the writing has to be good at all to score a 10+. I would suggest that you expand on the examples that you have. Really write a lot on each one and you should be fine.</p>