<p>Sorry, ahduke. I thought you said you had a car.<br>
Just my 2 cents, but I would really encourage you to join the fraternity now, instead of in the spring, if it's not too late. Only you know how much you can take on and still keep up your grades, but your posts just sound like you would be much happier NOT waiting until the spring. I doubt joining now would negatively impact your academics, and may actually help. I really think you'd be so much happier, unless-- you know-- you want to be miserable, so you can ultimately transfer. It would be great to have a built-in group of friends, and the fraternity would offer you that-- immediately.</p>
<p>i know i should .... i just don't know how much time that will require. i really hate that that's my only choice .. the reason i didnt do wake forest early action was because of the fraternities (my parents were scared off wake by someone who's daughter had a bad experience there) and here i am having to join one to have a social life. ahhhh the things i'd do differently. well, there's no looking back now at what could've been. if worse comes to worse, perhaps i will get my car, but the $500 permit and then just venture off to clemson on the weekends to visit my friends from HS. my frat house here is too far away to walk it every day, and if i joined i think that's what i would have to do. the bus rarely drives over in that area. i dunno .. i hate having to go greek just to have friends as i was told a positive of UNC was that you DIDNT have to go greek to have fun. ohhhh welllll !</p>
<p>Well, the thing about going Greek (and the fraternity you and eadad describe sounds great), is that you will have a built-in set of friends-- and there's really nothing wrong with that-- at all. That's a huge positive. </p>
<p>You seemed to like that fraternity and the people you met in it, and they obviously liked you. Those guys will all have other friends, too, in fraternities or not, and you will meet other people through them as well. So your circle of friends just gets wider. I really think it's a win-win situation.</p>
<p>As far as the car, if you're in Granville for the long haul (or at least through this year), use it for what it offers, and one of the main reasons people move there is because of the parking lot. So, if it's not a hassle, go home at Thanksgiving and drive your car back up. </p>
<p>Easy to make suggestions anonymously and from afar, but-- again-- just my 2 cents.</p>
<p>I wanted to add that just because some people are bored now doesn't mean they will be 2-3 weeks from now. A lot of activities start in these next few weeks - the DTH, some jobs (mine starts this week!), some volunteer programs at the Y. </p>
<p>Also, I play capture the flag on friday nights with 20 other people. If any of you wants to join, send me a PM and I can invite you to the facebook event.</p>
<p>well i didnt bring it because my parents didnt think i needed a car ... so i'll have to persuade them to allow me to bring it with me... i'm going home in october for homecoming at my high school , so i can do it as early as then.</p>
<p>I'd like to point out making friends is not an instantaneous thing. It takes time to connect and bond with those with common interests. </p>
<p>When you are deciding on a college, you are at a fork in the road regarding social relationships. One path is easy. You go to a college with your high school friends and hang out with them exclusively; upside is you don't have to work at relationships, downside is you are delaying the inevitable....life is about working at relationships. The other path is hard. You go to a college where you are forced to leave your comfort zone and extend yourself to others. Downside is expending more effort to find and make friends and dealing with occasional feelings of loneliness; upside...you are experiencing REALITY and you grow as a person. It isn't always fun, but ultimately it's so much more rewarding than taking the easy path. </p>
<p>Classes have not been in session for a month...count yourself lucky if you have made one friend with whom to hang out. If you have, you are on track. This will not be your last or only connection I guarantee. Much,much more to come!</p>
<p>My advice:</p>
<p>Adjust your expectations, slow down and let the pressure to fit into a preconceived idea of what your social experience at college should be fall away. </p>
<p>Learn to enjoy your own company! This is part of the maturing process. High school is such an artificial environment that often prevents kids from learning how to be their own friend.</p>
<p>Keep trying. Don't stay in your dorm room or rely on random living arrangements for friendships. Go do things that interest you and you will find others doing the same thing! And don't be quick to discount activities because of preconceptions...you won't know if they are fun unless you give them a try.</p>
<p>Realize what you are feeling and experiencing right now is TYPICAL and NORMAL. You would be going through this at any college, other than the 13th year high school college with all your h.s. friends. And you are definitely not the only one going through it. If you don't believe me, visit the Parent Cafe and read some of the threads about students who want to go home after two weeks. THIS WILL PASS. Time changes perspective and you will be amazed how differently you will feel after Thanksgiving, then at Christmas and then next Fall. Amazed!!</p>
<p>AHDUKE: Good for you standing tall and not taking the easy route. Please hang in there as you are the exact kind of student that UNC needs....and wants. That is why they selected you because of who you are and what you will contribute. Even if the first few weeks are hard....they have invested in you just as you in it. The University VALUES what you have to offer....a different perspective....coming from a different enviroment. </p>
<p>What makes UNC a great university? among other things people like you who are not like the others...you are a piece of the puzzle and each piece is impt. From our struggles we often learn more...for you this is your struggle. THis is your chance to discover who you are, what you want and make it happen. Good luck! Hang in there.</p>
<p>i cant build friendships with anyone here outside of my suit mates. i dont understand what you want us to do... hell like i said i have been reaching out to everyone and all they are interested in is the friends they have. yes, people are different here, and honestly i cant say i like that at all. i understand diversity, but there has to be a limit and here there is none! i dont meet anyone in class because no one speaks and the classes are huge that i'm in. sadly the one class that is small has no one i'd ever associate with. i am having extremely bad luck here. i've joined the republicans club here but the problem is there are no republicans here! we had maybe 15 people show up tonight. the problem is the interests i have and the people here are totally opposite. perhaps a college town just isnt for me. i personally hate chapel hill and the people in it. maybe it's because i've been freaking miserable, but i've never seen so many hippies before in my life. maybe its because i've been going to conservative private schools all my life, or maybe it's coming from charleston, but i dont even feel like i'm in the south. </p>
<p>everyone around me grew up in chapel hill or is from raleigh/durham, so they are basically home. the only thing i have to look forward to is going home for homecoming and fall break and then thanksgiving break and then christmas break. college shouldn't be about waiting for the time to leave. i want more out of this experience than that, and i dont think i will ever get that here. as you said, people may go to college with their high school friends and never learn to build relationships. chances are, you're right! but guess what, 85% of the students here at UNC are that way! about 7% or so of us are out of staters and from the US. that's a tiny percentage! the chances i make a friend outside of my roommate and suit mates this semester are slim to none. currently the only people looking for friends are not good people. trust me, i experienced that saturday night. that's not the type of people i want to be around, and theres no way in hell i will change to have a social life....and my interests arent what are popular in this liberal environment. no, i havent been here a month, but in a week i will have and nothing will have changed. i meet people and then never see them again. and i love sports, but the problem is i hate the tar heels .. my dad went to NC state and my uncle went to wake forest. i cant get myself to cheer for them at the games. i am fighting such a losing battle. my mom keeps telling me to give it a year, but i'm gonna have a hard enough time giving it a semester.</p>
<p>Ms. Jack,
I am sorry you take all statements so personally about your University town. If one or two students struggle and don't like it-- big deal...they come seeking answers, seeking advice. THere are plenty of os students lined up to get into this great University. My point was not at all to compare towns....you have had plenty of headlines over the years you would soon like to forget and like the world to forget.....this isn't about your town beating my town. In my opinion each has its strengths and weaknesses but I do love coming home to my small community here in this big city. </p>
<p>Accept it or not people come from different backgrounds than Chapel Hill. For some, it is an adjustment to come to a larger town and faster life and to others it is a smaller town & slower life (which I would personally enjoy). I am not 20. Still Chapel Hill is still hoppin well in to the night while our suburban community is long asleep (My older d's complaint of home but not the city of Atlanta). THis is trivial but If I could bring one thing there it would be a major league baseball team as close as Raleigh! My d's are both huge braves fans and she can't even pick up most games on cable .....that in itself is a huge adjustment in this house. HOWEVER--Chapel Hill has great collegiate sports with national championship teams abound....and for students most are free! Great facilitie too! you can't beat that...</p>
<p>I have always spent a lot of time on these posts pointing out the wonderful things about Chapel Hill, the University and things to do there (and been very careful to do so.) But, I do not force my head in the sand to pretend all people see it the same. The truth is the whole college selection process does not really give students a true depiction of what life day after day will be. Its easy if you party because there is ALWAYS a party in a college town.....the other life you have to work harder to find.</p>
<p>College is also about different and new experiences......and I applaud those oss who venture into the unknown and unfamiliar territory. The easier route would have been their own state universities with 50 of their H.S. friends. That doesn't make it easy on them now....I just hope they will hang in there for the long haul...these first few weeks are the toughest. Chapel Hill is a great college town and UNC is one of the finest Universities....let it grow into your soul.</p>
<p>ahduke, I will just emphasize what everyone else has said. Just get out and do something, anything, and you will meet people. As I mentioned earlier my son transferred in as a junior and said he now knows more people at CH than he did after 2 years at another school. And he lives alone in an apt. where you really have to get out to meet people. He has not been bored at all and said that he can't believe that he has only been there a few weeks because he has done so much. He hasn't joined any clubs yet as he wants to see how classes go but he rides his bike and meets others out riding, works out at a gym, and meets new people while eating on campus. Even riding the bus he has formed some social connections. Yes, he knows 3 people from his high school class there, but has only spent time with one them one time.</p>
<p>I posted the above without realizing there were several new posts. Just wanted to add that I can't imagine your fraternity house is not in walking distance. My son lives out airport rd. and walks easily to his house somewhere around campus.</p>
<p>I would like to warn you of falling into the "negative state"--when you are feeling that way it becomes hard to see the positives around you (I speak from personal experience--not saying that you are doing this--just be aware)</p>
<p>Can I be very honest ahduke? It seems you want things to be like they were in h.s. and you don't seem ready to experience different things yet. I'm not sure I'm reading you right but you seem to be eliminating international students from the friend pool, liberals from the friend pool, and those who love the 'Heels. This is just too much eliminating imho. And even though it seems as though instate kids are not branching out, you have to give them a chance. They are away from home for the first time too and they have the luxury of clinging to each other. Some will never stop clinging, but others WILL make themselves emotionally available in time.</p>
<p>My d is a h.s. cheerleader-type from a very conservative area of Houston and a family composed of a bunch of diehard Republicans (and a few Independents ;)), yet she is utterly delighted with her new liberal friends and has found plenty of conservatives here as well. She has made quite a few friends in Chi Alpha as well, even though she has not joined the group.</p>
<p>I seriously think eadad is on to something about your housing situation. Granville sounds like a mistake in this interim before pledging. I'm not bashing at all...but Granville tends to be a self-selecting homogenous group. My d has lived in Craige North and Kenan and there have been tons of oos kids in both dorms...and the in-state kids have welcomed her into their established group of friends. AND there seems to be a decent blending and interaction between the instate and oos kids in both dorms as well. I truly am sorry you missed the threads re: Granville. Are you absolutely sure you are locked in for two semesters? And if you are, I would really, really recommend you go ahead and pledge. I think I remember you were talking about dropping a class, so time management shouldn't be that difficult. Just something to consider.</p>
<p>And I just have to ask. Why UNC if you hate the 'Heels? From your name, do we infer you were at some point interested in Duke? All I can say is give the 'Heels a chance! If you don't, you will be missing out on some of the best times yet to come. Your first Franklin Street bonfire will definitely change your mind!</p>
<p>you're son is in the minority. maybe since he's a junior, people are more mature and looking to meet new folks. i dont know what else to say to everyone here. i get out and do things and i do meet people, but none of them seem interested in doing anything. they always are with a friend from HS and they say glued to them .... unless they are a senior or maybe junior. i'm a freshman and i can tell you that unless you party all the time and will do anything to get accepted, DO NOT GO TO UNC. what you all are saying makes sense, but it's not realistic at all. it's not working here. i cant force people to open up.</p>
<p>Oh, okay; thanks Atlmom. And you can feel free to call me Jack. (Chapel Hill is not my home town. I do not live there.) </p>
<p>I mainly asked what Atlanta offered a teenager that Chapel Hill didn't. So now I know . . . </p>
<p>It's basically the lack of a major league baseball team?? Well, both your daughters must have known when they applied, that there wasn't one in Chapel Hill, and that this is ACC country.. (And even if that's what Atlanta offered that this area doesn't, baseball is only around during the Spring.) </p>
<p>Still . . . we're awfully proud of our professional ice hockey team-- 2006 Stanley Cup Winners, the Carolina Hurricanes (based in Raleigh)-- not to mention the amazing college basketball at UNC, Duke, and NCSU-- both men's and women's teams. You can always check out the Durham Bulls, and our very own Carolina Mudcats. ;) And didn't UNC's baseball team win a championship last year, or did I dream that?</p>
<p>As much as I love watching UNC basketball, there's also a lot to be said for participating in sports yourself, too, rather than just being a passive spectator. Yet another option-- and there are plenty.</p>
<p>Finally, some of the attitudes and comments on this board recently are very telling-- a first for me as well. I'm at a loss and will just choose to ignore the rather unnecessary snide comments made here. </p>
<p>Good luck to all. Just a suggestion-- but I do suspect new college students do better without all the parental helicoptering going on. If you allow them to figure it out for themselves, they'll become more independent and confident that way, and grow as individuals as well. After all, it's their college experience. </p>
<p>All the best. I'm done with this thread. :)</p>
<p>ahduke...what about attending parties and just not drinking? My d does this all the time. And she goes to the movies, makes crazy midnight runs with friends to Target, goes out to dinner at Franklin St. restaurants, attends festivals/carnivals in Raleigh, hosts movie nights in her dorm room...I could go on. There are things you can do without compromising your values.</p>
<p>ACC championship jack...but those darned Beavers thwarted them at the CWS yet again. ;) Made me cry....lol!</p>
<p>ahduke, my son is very conservative also. However, he has found the Chapel Hill area to be very entertaining in that respect. He called the first few days to report that he had seen two demonstrations--one at a family planning clinic and one outside a grocery store (anti-war). He went shopping at Whole Foods where he said he noticed that most of the customers looked very "granola". When he asked for plastic (bags), he said everyone around him froze and stared--he figured out that evidently "paper" was the correct choice, lol. Anyway he has found much to muse about, sometimes laugh at or with, and overall so far has enjoyed the difference between there and his hometown.</p>
<p>Two things helped my son tremendously at his prior school when he felt so left out and alone---one was intramural sports and the other was doing research with one of his profs. I have noticed on UNC website that there are loads of available research opportunities in many different disciplines. Is this something you might be interested in?</p>
<p>btw...good point jack. ahduke...have you considered some of the club sports...like men's crew? The crew kids are a good group and the men's and women's teams hang out all the time.</p>
<p>i dont know what men's crew is .. i play golf but i think it's kinda humorous that you are accusing me of not being open. i didnt exclude liberals from that pool, nor heels fans.... my roommate is very liberal and we are basically the only friends each other has right now. i said this whole area as a whole is very liberal, and to be honest, no i dont like living in it at all. i have liberal friends, but this place is 90/10 i've been told .. and i believe it. </p>
<p>i cant get into frat parties ... i tried that all saturday night. if you arent a girl or in the frat, then its tough luck for a guy. i went to a dorm at E House as well and like i said, all they did was sit around and drink but didnt talk much as all ... fun for me ... i mean i used to go to parties all the time in HS and didnt drink. it's not that i have never partied. you are reading me wrong in that respect. </p>
<p>i may go ahead and pledge .. i will drop that class tomorrow unless they force me to stay in .. in which i'll probably fail it... but i am stuck in granville for now. and yes, seeing as how everyone around me is with their HS friends .. then i do miss that. the only opening up they've done is the instate kids combining with other instate kids ... say the kids from charlotte or raliegh who played each other in sports in HS. granville may have been a huge mistake .. but i cant fix that now. i wish we hadnt been recommended it, but please dont tell me i'm the one that isnt being open. i speak to just about everyone and sometimes they just ignore me outright.</p>
<p>Crew is the rowing team. The men's team is a club sport...women's is fully funded Div I. Both have open tryouts and novice teams for beginners. It's a great way to meet people/work out together both at the gym on the erg and at the University Lake in the boats. My d wasn't big enough to row, but she made coxswain (sort of a boat coach...usually smaller than the rowers). Coxes still do all the gym workouts...show of solidarity I suppose. The men's and women's teams do a lot things together socially. Can't hurt to check it out...we saw flyers during move-in week....</p>
<p>Exercise and fresh air are definitely good for the disposition and being on the team is good way to connect with people in positive way.</p>
<p>I didn't mean to be accusatory...but don't let different political leanings or social povs influence your opinion of Chapel Hill. Most college towns are liberal...this is a time when young people are beginning to think for themselves in those areas and sort of experimenting with ideas that conflict with that of their parents or authority figures. That's what is so great about college....you get to do that! And Chapel Hill is fairly conservative as far liberal college towns go....</p>