can anyone check my letter of appeal

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>Dear Cathy Crocker, </p>

<p>My name is William Tu and I am here to ask for your permission to grant me admission to CSUN. I been inform that you are the assistant director and you are the only one that can make changes for admission. On June 8, 2010, an advisor has told me that my submission of intent to register has not been received. I am writing an appeal hoping that your decision can help me be admitted to the university.</p>

<p>I feel that my situation is a misunderstanding and I did submit the intent to register. I submitted my intent to register on the day of August 30, 2010 at Ms. Ramirez’s office. Ms. Ramirez is my counselor and she has knowledge of me submitting my intent to register. I have enclosed her letter as proof as her acknowledgement that I was at her office and that I have submitted the intent to register. </p>

<p>When I click the button “submit” to send my intent to register on August 30, 2010 there must have been a computer glitch. I know I send the intent to register because I got the confirmation number. However, I couldn’t print it out because the printer was not working and I had to get back to my class. This computer glitch is beyond my control. I check my email on June 8, 2010 hoping to receive a confirmation letter, but I was unable to receive any verification.</p>

<p>I had been notified that my intent to register was not available because I had an appointment on June 9, 2010 with an advisor to register for my classes, but instead it had been cancel. This is unfair because on the day of my appointment I had been told that I cannot attend the meeting and even worse, college for that year because I did not submit my intent to register. The computer glitch that might have caused the failure for the intent to register to process is beyond my control.</p>

<p>I have work hard to get to your college. I have rejected other California State Universities and University of California to attend California State University of Northridge. I have taken and pass the necessary tests to be in your school. I have rejected my parent’s decision to go to CSULA, because I want to prove to them that I can survive on my own at your California State University. I don’t want to get declined to your college over some computer glitch. I hope that this problem can be fix and resolve. </p>

<p>I look forward for you to reconsider the decision and admit me to CSUN. Feel free to contact me at (###)-###-#### for any clarification. I appreciate the valuable time you have spent reading my appeal. </p>

<p>Sincerely, </p>

<p>William Tu
Enclosure</p>

2

<p>I don’t know how to do a strikethrough, so hopefully you can understand my edits.</p>

<p>My name is William Tu and I <a href=“am%20here%20-%20where?%20%20It’s%20a%20letter”>B</a> would like** to ask for your permission to grant me admission to CSUN<a href=“spell%20it%20out%20the%20first%20time”>B</a>. I have been inform that you are the assistant director and consequently, you are the only one that can make changes for admission. On June 8, 2010, an advisor <a href=“who?”>B</a> told ** me that my submission of intent to register had (she told you in the past) not been received. I am writing an appeal hoping that your decision can help me be admitted to the university. <a href=“The%20last%20sentence%20is%20very%20poorly%20written.%20%20Specifically%20ask%20her%20what%20you%20want.” title=“I request that I be readmitted to your university despite this fact as my intent to register was sent, but evidently not received for reasons beyond my control.”>B</a></p>

<p>I feel <a href=“don’t%20feel,%20just%20state%20it”>B</a>** that my situation is a misunderstanding and I did submit the intent to register. I submitted my intent to register on<a href=“the%20day”>B</a> of** August 30, 2010 <a href=“which%20is%20in%20the%20future”>B</a>** at my Ms. Ramirez’s office. Ms. Ramirez is my counselor and <a href=“she%20has%20knowledge%20of%20me%20submitting”>B</a>** witnessed me submit** my intent to register. I have enclosed her letter as proof <a href=“as%20her%20acknowledgement%20that%20I%20was%20at%20her%20office%20and%20that%20I%20have%20submitted%20the%20intent%20to%20register”>B</a>.**</p>

<p>When I <a href=“click%20the%20button%20“submit”%20to%20send”>B</a> submitted** my intent to register on August 30, 2010 <a href=“which%20is%20still%20in%20the%20future”>B</a> ** there <a href=“must%20have%20been”>B</a> evidently was ** a computer glitch. <a href=“I%20know%20I%20send%20the%20intent%20to%20register%20because%20I%20got%20the%20confirmation%20number.%20However,%20I%20couldn’t%20print%20it%20out%20because%20the%20printer%20was%20not%20working%20and%20I%20had%20to%20get%20back%20to%20my%20class.”>B</a> Although I received a confirmation number after submitting the intent to register, I unfortunately failed to record the confirmation number (Don’t give excuses - they reflect poorly upon you. A broken printer is not an excuse as you could have written it down on paper.)** As of June 8, 2010, I have not received an email confirmation letter.(This computer glitch is beyond my control. I check my email on June 8, 2010 hoping to receive a confirmation letter, but I was unable to receive any verification.)</p>

<p><a href=“I%20had%20been%20notified%20that%20my%20intent%20to%20register%20was%20not%20available%20because%20I%20had%20an%20appointment%20on%20June%209,%202010%20with%20an%20advisor%20to%20register%20for%20my%20classes,%20but%20instead%20it%20had%20been%20cancel.%20This%20is%20unfair%20because%20on%20the%20day%20of%20my%20appointment%20I%20had%20been%20told%20that%20I%20cannot%20attend%20the%20meeting%20and%20even%20worse,%20college%20for%20that%20year%20because%20I%20did%20not%20submit%20my%20intent%20to%20register.%20The%20computer%20glitch%20that%20might%20have%20caused%20the%20failure%20for%20the%20intent%20to%20register%20to%20process%20is%20beyond%20my%20control.”>B</a> This entire paragraph seems pointless.
**</p>

<p><a href=“I%20have%20work%20hard%20to%20get%20to%20your%20college.%20%20I%20have%20rejected%20other%20California%20State%20Universities%20and%20University%20of%20California%20to%20attend%20California%20State%20University%20of%20Northridge.”>B</a>. I like the sentiment, but do not word it like this. Instead state that you were “proud” to attend such a “prestigious” university after all of your hard work. Then mention that you declined offers of admissions from several other schools on the assumption that you were admitted to CSUN and had submitted an intent to register. ** I have taken and pass the necessary tests to be in your school.I wouldn’t say that, especially not in broken English. I have rejected my parent’s decision to go to CSULA, because I want to prove to them that I can survive on my own at your California State University** I definitely would not say that. It comes across as childish and is, a weak appeal to emotion, and is immaterial to the situation at hand.** </p>

<p>I look forward to hearing from you (for you to reconsider the decision and admit me to CSUN). Feel free to contact me at (###) ### #### for any clarification. I appreciate the valuable time you have spent reading my appeal. I probably wouldn’t post my phone number on the internet.</p>

3

<p>thank you so much. i appreciate your time on proof-reading my essay. thank you so much. any thanks for the tip</p>