Can anyone grade this essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Can anyone grade this essay? this is not my essay but i found it really good and i would like to know what this essay deserves!</p>

<p>Assignment: Should modern society be criticized for being materialistic?</p>

<p>Materialism should be scorned. Modern society has taken materialism to extremes previously unimaginable. Increasing materialism in today's world is causing worldwide debt and deprivation.</p>

<p>One example of the debt problems being caused by materialism is the increasing number of in debt Americans. The average American earns ten percent more money than the average American of 30 years ago. Even with this increase in income, today's American is nearly twice as likely to be in debt as an American living 30 years ago. Why is that? America's increasingly materialistic mindset has caused many Americans to spend more money than ever on consumer goods.</p>

<p>Deprivation is another common result of a materialistic mindset. While countries America and England enjoy relative wealth, other countries like Africa have an absolute poverty rate of over twenty-five percent in some areas. America and England have become so materialistic that they have established appalling trade relations with poor countries like Africa. The clothing industry is a prime example. African workers are paid half of what an American or English worker would be paid. The clothing goods produced by these poor African workers can then be sold to American and English consumers. Because of low production costs, and the American's and English's materialistic tendency, the clothing industry owners reap huge benefits. In this way, some countries' materialism leaves other countries in a shameful state of deprivation.</p>

<p>Modern society's materialism has caused debt and deprivation in today's world, and it should be criticized. Some have touted money as the root of all evil, but perhaps we should now shift the blame to materialism.</p>

<p>Regards
Jw</p>

2

<p>any opinions on this…cuz my SAT is 3 days from now</p>

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<p>double bumping</p>

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<p>Nice examples, but I’d be more impressed if you could state a source of your information, even if you had to make one up. For instance, the first one could be… the National Income and Expenditure Statistics (NIES) or something. Corny name, I know, but I just made it up in like 20 seconds :)</p>

<p>I have no idea what copyxmkiii is talking about. A 2/12 means 1/6, the lowest possible score for an on-topic, legible and legitimate essay. By comparing this essay with sample 1/6 essays, I’d say this is nowhere NEAR 1/6. However, this essay is lacking in support of its thesis. From your 1st paragraph, I’m just not convinced that materialism’s effects on Americans are that profound. While you state that there is an increased amount of debt, I fail to see the gravity of such an issue. Debt could be due to many aspects, not just expenditure>income. I liked the 2nd body paragraph though :slight_smile: Although, I believe you could add more contrast between the poorer Africans and the richer American magnates. I’m thinking that this way materialism’s adverse effects could be more apparent to the reader. Just my $0.02 though!</p>

<p>8/12</p>

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<p>Oh, can you grade my essay too? Thanks.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1010297-last-essay-attempt-please-grade-you-get-cookie.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1010297-last-essay-attempt-please-grade-you-get-cookie.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>You are definitely not a 2/12.
Definitely equal to an 8 or above.</p>