Can anyone help me proofread my Financial Aid Appeal Letter?

Paying for College
1

<p>Thank You all in advance.
Would you approve or deny me if you were on the financial aid committee?</p>

<p>Dear Financial Aid Committee:</p>

<p>Thank you in advance for taking the time to review my letter of appeal for financial aid reinstatement. First, let me say, I wholeheartedly appreciate your granting me this award in order to make my educational dreams a blissful reality. It would be a great honor for me to continue on the path which I started before I suffered this temporary setback.</p>

<p>I take full responsibility for why my grades slipped and why they became unsatisfactory. There is no one else to blame but myself for not being able to control my emotional state during a time of terrible crisis to the point where I could not maintain an acceptable G.P.A. For that I sincerely apologize because I feel that I have let many people down, including myself.</p>

<p>When my sister passed away, in the middle of the semester, I was not able to handle the grief well and I let my grades slip to the point where they could not be recovered. My sister and I were very close so it was a devastating blow, but I should have handled it better, especially knowing that I had to maintain a certain G.P.A in order to keep my financial aid award, which is the only way I can pay for my tuition.</p>

<p>I am asking this committee to give me a second chance to prove that I am worthy of this award so I can continue in my studies. I have reevaluated my decisions and life and am putting myself back on the right path. Obtaining a degree in Computer Engineering is a goal that I’ve set for myself since graduating from High School, and will do whatever necessary to fulfill my goal.</p>

<p>Here is a list of steps I intend to take in order to have a success semester this upcoming fall.
1. I will put in 120% of my effort into my school work by managing my time wisely, and using all resources that are available to me such as tutors, school centers, and the library to study more.
2. I will talk with each of my professors personally to discuss the course goals and my progress towards them, and take the initiative to speak with them whenever I feel that a problem has arisen.
3. I will do what it takes to not miss classes or come late, and ask questions if I have problem understanding the course.
4. Retake the classes I failed during the time of these circumstances.
I hope that you will give me a second chance, everyone deserves one, and after all we do live in the land of second chances, America. Please be aware that I will do whatever it takes to fix the areas the committee thinks should be fixed in order to prove myself worthy of such a generous financial aid award.</p>

<p>Also, I did not receive a letter from the Financial Aid Committee in regards of the suspension of my financial aid; therefore, I am unable to attach a copy of that letter. Unfortunately, I am not able to acquire a death certificate because my mother is on vacation in Puerto Rico and she has that document. However, I have attached email conversations with my four professors of last semester; the topic sadly being my absences due to the death of my sister. I hope this will be enough documentation, as it is the only documentation that I have.</p>

<p>I look forward to meeting with you soon. Below is my contact information if you need to reach me at any time. Again, thank you for taking the time to read this letter.</p>

2

<p>Without knowing al the details, what kind of steps did you take during this failed semester, I just have one question and two remarks. </p>

<p>Did you have any discussion during last semester with your academic advisor/councelor? His/her words would mean much more than the e-mails between you and your professors.</p>

<p>Definitely skip this:
“I hope that you will give me a second chance, everyone deserves one, and after all we do live in the land of second chances, America.” Do not try to push the responsibility on them.</p>

<p>Skip the reference to your mother’s vacation too. If this financial aid is so important to you, then you two might have found a way to arrange for that certificate.</p>

<p>P.S.: According your previous post in May, your mother passed away, and that caused the problem. Hm…</p>

3

<p>Don’t lie.
Be honest.
If you are asking for Financial aid, how can you write that “vacation” for Mom.
Save the “America” reference for a turn of the century essay. This reference would have been okay in the 1930’s. Everyone is having a hard time; this is not the 20th century.
120% effort, really? Writing that impossibility to a university-educated appeals committee? How would you even EVER quantify that? Effort versus actions are 2 separate things; what actions, on campus are you going to do and on what days?</p>

<p>Who died, mother or sister? Don’t lie! You will get busted.</p>

4

<p>I am not going to judge whether you’re telling the truth or not, but if either your mother or your sister died, you need to attach a death certificate.</p>

5

<p>You can get the death certificate in a number of ways; for instance:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>The city of the death,</p></li>
<li><p>The funeral home or cremation servie, or </p></li>
<li><p>Your mother can scan it and email it to you.</p></li>
</ol>