<p>I'm writing the supplement question for University of San Diego. Here is the prompt:</p>
<p>As a Catholic university, the values below represent some of the most important characteristics of the USD experience. Please select one of the topics below and explain how you might enhance our community or benefit from that particular value. (100 words or less)</p>
<p>Academic Excellence Diversity and Inclusion International Experiences Religion and Spirituality Compassionate Service Sustainability</p>
<p>I chose Diversity and Inclusion. The response below contains everything except for an opening sentence. I can only add 11 more words until it reaches 100. Could anyone please think of a catchy opening line for this response?</p>
<p>"My mother came to the United States from Egypt and my father is from Puerto Rico. Both have started their own businesses, and both have encouraged me to be proud of my unique Armenian-Latin-Egyptian-American roots. Their heritage has shaped my ability to understand different perspectives and recognize that respect for diverse opinions is the glue that holds our society together. My heritage and memories of growing up in the Bay Area will serve as the fuel needed to enrich the University of San Diegos dorms and learning community." </p>
<p>Hello, Uhh I can’t help with your opening sentence, in fact I am writing this same statement for this school! But, if your open to comments about the rest of the statement, I can give you my opinion, if your not open to comments…then just ignore this post?</p>
<p>My statement looked like yours, but when I had my friend who is like AMAZING at writing, he told me I am telling not showing. I am not the best writer, but I do try my best and read a lot of books about writing.</p>
<p>In my personal opinion I think your statement would be better if you showed the readers instead of telling. Things like describing what part of the heritage shaped your ability. Showing not telling, is quite hard to fit into a 100max space! I found myself having trouble</p>
<p>Currently I am writing my statement using a technique I learned in a book called Writing Analytically (Great book!)
10 on 1 is making ten points about your most telling example (10
on 1) is a fruitful alternative to repeatedly pointing to a similarity among ten
related examples (1 on 10)
the technique is called 10 on 1 but, you can really use 3 examples or even 2 examples to connect. The most important part of using this is make points about ONE representive example. </p>
<p>So short recap…
Review your statement and see if it can benefit from my advice if it can then…
1.Google: Writing analytically 10 on 1
2.Google: Show don’t tell writing</p>