I’ve always been an introverted, solo-minded, and shy person growing up. When I entered H.S, a big change came where I lost more than 75% of my friends because they either found new friends or moved schools, and I found myself more isolated than ever (but i did made other new friends along the way). Now, as a senior in H.S and almost graduating and going to college, I want to “restart” my social life and build new relationships with new people while in college. Is that possible? Will the academic work outweigh my attempt to make new friends?
College is where I met my life long friends! It is possible and if you make the most of it – join clubs, go to mixers, be open to all people – it will be a great four years of your life!
If you use your time well you will should absolutely be able to find success academically as well as socially in college.
“I want to “restart” my social life and build new relationships with new people while in college. Is that possible?”
Definitely possible. In fact, this is a very large part of what university is about.
Smart, introverted students often find that there are relatively more people like them once they get to university. You might need to look for them (for example by participating in some clubs or other activities).
Of course you can restart your social life in college. But you can also do it at any point in your life and in any situation. Friends can come from a part time job, neighbors, activities, church, temple, etc.
Yes you can. It will take action not passivity, and openness to recognizing opportunities. It won’t just “happen”, you have to actively make it happen.
Yes, you can. There is nothing magical about college though. You have to put in the effort to change yourself.
I just want to add a little tidbit here that no one else has mentioned yet (though all the other advice is spot-on):
If you’re an introvert now, don’t expect to become an extroverted party animal. That’s a part of your personality that’s likely to stay. However, just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you can’t be more social and find a very fitting “niche” at your school.
Take some time to read past posts on this forum about freshmen who are homesick/scared/lonely. The responses give great advice on how to be proactive in reaching out to those around you. Those first few weeks of school are prime time for making extra effort to smile, say hello, ask to sit with a stranger in the dining hall, etc. Everyone is new, unsure of themselves, and feeling a bit lost.
So, read up and make mental notes for your plan to take advantage of all the welcome events, orientation games and mixers, and propping your dorm room door open to meet others in your hall. The secret is that no one else has to know you are an introvert. You can put yourself out there greeting people, asking open ended questions, and passing out homemade goodies to your hall mates. No one has to know you will need to sit quietly in the library for a couple of hours to recharge afterwards.
You will have moments of feeling awkward, you will miss those childhood friends who really know you well, and you might be disappointed you don’t have a best friend after the first month. But hang in there. Your college will have so many students, there just has to be a tribe of folks that fit you. The folks you hang out with those first few weeks may introduce you to others, or bring you along to a dance or a club meeting, and there you may find the ones you click best with. But all acquaintances those first few weeks are good, even if you don’t click well. Just keep meeting new people, and you increase your chances of finding true friends.
It changed mine in every possible way.
I definitely became more outgoing in college. But, being an introvert is who you are, so honor that. Know when your body and mind need recharging and seek alone time to do so. Make a conscious effort to do things that are just outside your comfort zone, but respect yourself that if you need to decline an invitation, it’s OK. It’s definitely an exciting time of potential life-changing experiences!
College won’t magically change your personality, that will still be a part of who you are (and that is okay!), but it does provide significantly more opportunities to socialize than high school, more people so that you can find your niche, lots of opportunities to explore your interests, and a fresh start because everyone is new and looking to make friends. With few exceptions, college is much less cliquey than high school and people are much more wiling to spontaneously create new friendships.
You can choose and determine how you live the next part of your life. I was always more on the introverted side, and would choose to read books on the bus and sometimes during lunch, rather than engage in group conversations, but was generally friendly/sociable when people approached. Over time, in high school through journalism and talking to people in clubs I got to know much more people. And in college, people are surprised when I tell them I am an introvert and I have gotten to know a huge swath of people that I would have never imagined years before.
But I am still more content spending time with a small group of friends rather than going to a party, and there are people that I enjoy more than others. It’s all about building those relationships though. As an introvert, who prefers one on one interactions, I have found that I have built many of those during my college career, have a core group of freshman hall friends who became my “posse,” and have prioritized the people in my life.
The next couple years are up to you. Get involved, meet people, care about people, make lasting friendships.
Thank you so much to all of you that had given great advice and support! I’m definitely looking forward to building a new foundation to my college experience in 2018 and beyond.
You will likely develop a different type of confidence in college: by knowing you can make it outside of your parent’s house. That won’t make you an extrovert but confidence is a powerful thing and will help you reach out to others, expand your comfort zone, etc.