After reading the first lines of this post, you’ll probably think “not one of these posts again” but please hear me out.
It’s been one month of college, and I’m still having issues fitting in socially. I understand there are other posts like this, but I think my situation is a bit unique. First of all, I’m an introvert that came from a small high school (my graduating class had 53 people). Even though it felt suffocating at times, I realized that the small setting worked for me because I was able to connect with my classmates and make friends on a more intimate level. The college I attend now is a large public school with over 20,000 students. Although I appreciate the anonymity that comes with being at a large school, it’s really difficult to connect with a large group of people.
Other factors that makes things difficult are my housing situation and the student body. I have apartment styled housing, which isn’t the best housing situation to make friends. The few times I do see people on my floor, they don’t seem interested in meeting other people. I wouldn’t call my school a commuter school but it does have a commuter school vibe. A good chunk of people live off campus while the majority are mainly people that are from the living area. So people still go to school with their high school friends or they constantly go home for the weekend. This makes it really difficult to talk to people if they aren’t looking for new friends.
I have made about 3 different friends. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to want to do things. Getting them to hang out is like pulling teeth, because they would rather stay in their dorm and watch Netflix (or study).
I’m doing well academically and I’ve gotten my professors to notice me (which is a big deal considering how big classes are 
). Even though I’m excited about my classes, I can see my lackluster social life affecting my schoolwork. It’s hard to be excited about school, if you have no one to share the excitement.
I’ll continue to attend events, join clubs, and trying to make friends. My question is (finally) when do things get better? I know it’s only a month but I don’t want to be in a slump my whole freshman year.
Hang in there. I can’t really give you a date when it will turn around, but if you keep putting yourself put there, it will.
Clubs are good. Are you staying busy? Volunteer or get a part-time job. As an introvert, you may prefer more structured, directed activities. Do you play an instrument or sing? You could join an ensemble or choir. Act? You could try out for a play. Sports? Training for an event or learning a new sport or playing intramurals will give you more changes to interact with people in a meaningful way.
A lot of students feel things have turned around by spring break, based on past years’ posts.
Be patient, keep at it, smile and show enthusiasm for what is going well, it can be infectious.
@Lizardly I am staying busy for the most part. I’m not too good at music or sports (Visual Art was one of my biggest activities in high school—one of the most antisocial ECs lol), but I do plan to become a research volunteer. Hopefully I’ll meet more people.
It is a huge change to come from a tiny place where you lived most of your life and everyone knows you then go to a big school. It takes time, way more than a month to cultivate real relationships. Keep your eye on the true reason for going to college your academics, continue to get involved as you are, the social part will unfold. And you will likely find relationships that develop over time far better than instant ones.
I am less familiar with visual arts. Could you go to galleries or shows? Sign up for classes? Either to create or to learn about how to appreciate what others created?
Trying something completely new is liberating. For example, if you have never been a runner and train for a half marathon, you will find out about yourself and likely meet other people who are similarly challenging themselves.
Easy to say as an old fart, but be patient.
It sounds like you’re doing a lot right. Frankly, it could be a month or it could be a year. I know that answer doesn’t help too much, but I hope knowing that this is natural helps a bit. Making deep friends in college just takes more time.
In my freshman year, I had a lot of surface level friends from my dorm, but I struggled to make good friends with anyone outside of one person. The entire freshman year. It wasn’t until summer classes after freshman year (common at my school) that I began to start finding people and getting close with them. Now, I would say I have a group of 5-10 that are getting much closer than any of my other friends last year.
Personally, I found mine through classes. People I had seen around in classes began to keep popping up, and we just started interacting more, knowing the other person was working on the same things at the same pace. Homework partners transitioned into friends, and the story goes on how you’d expect from there.
My addition would be to look out for people in classes. Start up conversations, maybe study groups or review with someone. Often, two people taking the same course who like it may have a decent deal in common.
Best of luck! Really, hang in there. You’re doing a lot right, and don’t forget to take pride in your academic success, even if others don’t yet.
The campus paper might be able to use a photographer or cartoonist, if those areas of visual arts appeal to you.