Can some read my common app?

Applying to College Common and Coalition Application
1

<p>If anyone has some free time, or need a distraction I would appreciate if you could take a look at my essay.</p>

<p>Throughout an individuals life he or she will experience thousands if not millions events. These events may have a huge influence on the person or maybe none at all. When asked what single event has influenced me the most, my natural answer is my father’s death. After my father passed away I went though a transformation. My fears became my strength, I became more reliable, and I was able to control my emotions.
After my father died I was scared. I always thought I can depend on my parents; but once I came to the realization that they will not be by my side forever I developed a fear of failure. What if I can’t get a decent job when I grow up? What if I can’t support my mom? After all I am an only child and I cant abandon her. Then one day I came to the realization that I may not succeed, I may fall short, but I wasn’t going to be unsuccessful in life because I didn’t try. I made a promise to myself to try my very best at everything I do, and I can truthfully say I kept that promise.
A family is like the senses of a human, when one sense stops working the rest become stronger to compensate for the missing sense. When my father died I knew I had more responsibilities. My mother took on two jobs to support my grandparents and me. My grandmother suffers from arthritis and my grandfather has very weak eyesight, so I became responsible for their well being during the weekdays. I also believe that in a way I have become more empathetic to others feelings. I am always willing to help my friends if they need it or if they just want to talk. From this single event I developed an ability that many learn when they go off to college, which is the ability to adapt. I learned life is not all fun and games, and there will be times where you don’t want to wake up; but its how you deal with the hard times that makes you a better person.
Rage, sadness, confusion, denial, all the feeling I felt when my father passed away. I was angry because my father left us to fend for ourselves. I was sad because I just lost a important person in my life. I was confused because I didn’t know why my life took a sharp turn for the worst. I was in denial about my father really being gone. I was in a war with myself, and it was tearing me apart. After a few months I accepted the fact that he was gone I came in grasp of my emotions. I learned that life has its ups and downs and that shouldn’t get the best of me. I learned how to face my fears and problems head on instead of letting them eat me alive.
Throughout this experience I realized life isn’t fair. Everyone goes though hard times, but it is the way you deal with the downs that makes you a better individual. Marta Robinson said it best when she said, “ Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” In a mental point of view, I believe what ever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. My fathers demise made me feel like I was dying, but I survived and I stand here today knowing I am stronger. </p>

<p>Thanks again for reading.</p>

2

<p>First let me tell you that I am not an expert by any means but I have gained some experience by watching my daughter go through the process. I looked up your other post and you quote:</p>

<p>From what people have told me I should stay away from writing about my parents. Originally, I wanted to write about my father who definitely had a influence on my life, but not as most would expect. (he drank a lot and was abusive and eventually died when i was in 8th grade)</p>

<p>My english teacher told my class that collages want to know that mature person is studying in their campus, so we should try to show that over the year we have become mature.</p>

<p>If I wrote about my father I would probably write about how my:</p>

<p>Self determination/motivation increased (ex. i used to be overweight and now im not, and i became more serious about school work)</p>

<p>My family and friends can rely on me much more than before (ex. I am always supporting my friends and mother, and take care of my grandparents on weekdays) </p>

<p>Learning to control anger and sorrow (ex. After my fathers death I was able to face serious problems without freaking out and I now I face my problems head on instead of ignoring them.)</p>

<p>I think your topic is fine. Make it more into a story about YOU, don’t think about what your English teacher told you, write what you want. The biggest mistake that you can make in an essay is to let someone put ideas and parameters in your head. This only holds you back from making YOUR voice heard. Your topics above are very good but you didn’t put them into your essay. Go ahead and make reference to your father’s drinking problem and how THAT effected you. Speak about your anger and how you have learned to control it. Tell about your weight loss. You have a good base to your essay, now give specific examples and make it about you. Good luck.</p>