Can someone grade my APUSH FRQ?

could you please grade it on a scale of 1-9? This is my first FRQ ever written so feedback would greatly be appreciated. If you want me to read yours, I would be happy to. just leave a link in your comment.</p>

Question: Analyze the political, diplomatic, and military reasons for the United States victory in the Revolutionary War. Confine your answer to the period 1775–1783.</p>

Essay: </p>

The Thirteen Colonies had many reasons as to why they were successfully able to revolt against England. The Colonies had many things in their favor such as good military tactics, foreign intervention and skilled leaders. Without these things, there is no doubt that they would have lost the war.</p>

There is a quite interesting statistic that says that no country has been successful in revolting without foreign help. The Thirteen Colonies were diplomatically able to obtain help from France which included men, ships and supplies. France was eager to help because they wanted to weaken England by taking away their hold in the New World. This diplomatic relationship is a major diplomatic reason as to why the Colonies were successful in gaining their independence.</p>

England’s army was very proper in the way they fought. They even went as far as wanting to stop the fighting so they could have their afternoon tea. The English military would stand sill in rows while fighting. The Continental Army on the other hand adopted guerrilla warfare, which allowed the rebels to hide, jump out and shoot at the English army and then run away. Because of this, the English who stood still in rows and were thus wide open suffered many casualties. The English army could not compete with the the “hit and run” guerrilla warfare approach taken by the Continental Army. The Continental Army also had many more capable leaders than the English. Even though George Washington did not win that many battles, he did bolster the morale of the troops during the many tough times that they had to endure. Because of these things, the Colonies were successful militarily.</p>

Furthermore, the Colonies had to unite in order to win. If they were divided then they would all fall. Mainly from the help of Ben Franklin’s Political Cartoons, he was successfully able to get the Thirteen Colonies to put aside their differences and unite against a common enemy. Together they were powerful, but separate they would be sitting ducks. Without Ben Franklin’s political victory, there is no way that the Colonies would have been victorious.</p>

France, Ben Franklin and George Washington were key figures in helping the Colonies win the war. Without political unity, diplomatic aide and superior military tactics and leaders, the Thirteen Colonies would have fallen to England. The Colonies only had to fight a defensive war to win, so the tired English Army had no choice to but to admit defeat and sign the Treaty of Paris mainly due to these reasons.</p>

Your intro is weak. The thesis needs to be the last sentence and it’s not.</p>

It’s a little short and the intro could be improved (put the thesis statement as the last sentence of the introduction), but overall it’s not bad. Did you compare it to the 9 or 8 or whatever they have on the college board website? It’s a good idea.</p>

That’s why i’m practicing, I totally forgot to put the thesis last. Im in AP Lang so is shouldve remembered that. Any Idea as to what this would score. At least a six?</p>

I think it would warrant a 6, which is on track for a 5. But again, looking at the examples of 8-9 essays on AP Central will give you a good idea of what yours would score. Here’s the link, if you like:
[AP</a> Central - The AP United States History Exam](<a href=“Supporting Students from Day One to Exam Day – AP Central | College Board”>Supporting Students from Day One to Exam Day – AP Central | College Board)</p>

Of course, this is useless if you don’t know the year your essay was given or you got it out of a book…</p>

I’d give this a 5 or a 6. For a topic like the American Revolution, it could use some more info – like about how Howe leaves the US troops alone during Valley Forge even though he could have decimated them, and kept letting Washington regroup, or something about the Battle of Saratoga, etc. I agree with swebber that it feels a bit short.</p>

Great for a first FRQ, though. You’re on the right track.</p>