<p>Trying to build a thesis for my essay - it's a free response due on Friday, so please answer quickly!!!</p>
<p>Analyze the political, diplomatic, and military reasons for the United States victory in the Revolutionary War. Confine your answer to the period 17751783.</p>
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<p>The United States' victory in the Revolutionary War came about because of many political, diplomatic, and military reasons, but the most important were the rise of the Whigs in Parliament, Ben Franklin's negotiations with France, and foreign military assistance to the continental army.</p>
<p>It’s not bad, but it’s not highly analytical. Unlike courses such as AP World, APUSH graders like more specific thesis statements. I’m not saying to write a whole novel. I just think you could put a little more thought into it. Sorry if this didn’t really help. I wrote this essay last year, and if you want further assistance then just message me. :)</p>
<p>There is a poor choice of words, with “came about” and “because A, B, C, such as D, E, F” I think it goes in to detail, which a thesis isn’t suppose to do. The “came about” doesn’t seem right in the context. It fits more with movements, not so much for war victories.</p>
<p>I’m a firm believer that the essay graders don’t look for anything out of your thesis besides a CLEAR explanations as to your answer to the question </p>
<p>I personally feel that with limiting yourself to such specific facts your body paragraphs wil suffer in respect to support since only so many things can go under ben franklin’s talks with the french</p>
<p>my history teacher would take like two points off, just for that alone. </p>
<p>maybe say something like, “…Whigs in Parliament, Ben Franklin’s negotiations with France, and foreign military assistance to the continental army proved most important.”</p>