Can someone grade my SAT essay? Thanks!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Hi everyone, I am a high school senior and gonna take my final SAT next Saturday. This is my practice essay, please help me to know where I am at. Thank you!</p>

<p>Topic: Is success in life earned or do people succeed because they are lucky?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Luck and opportunities are major components of success. However, I agree with the statement the person's effort is more important for success in life than luck. In the 21st century, two significant information technology entrepreneurs show us how success in life is more likely to be earned rather than to happen because of luck. The two entrepreneurs are William Henry Gates and Steven Paul Jobs, also known as Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Microsoft and Apple Inc. respectively.</p>

<p>Bill Gates is known as a gifted businessman because he can always notice the opportunities of IT market. When he was 20, a sophomore of Harvard University, he made a big and staggering decision that he would quit school and found Microsoft. Of course, he did not make this decision for no reason. In 1970s when computers were not acknowledged by most of people, he already anticipated the great potentials of informational technology and computers. Because he made that decision without much hesitation, he became the pioneer of IT industry. Everyone lived in that era had chances to enter that industry first, but only Bill Gates chose that path decisively. If he did not make that decision and try to enter that industry, he would not have Microsoft and the enormous wealth. This proves the statement I agree with that success has to be earned, not to happen because of luck. If a person does not try to succeed, then even if he has millions of opportunities in front of him, he will not achieve success.</p>

<p>Another important IT entrepreneur Steve Jobs can also prove the statement. A few years after Apple was founded, Jobs visited another IT company named NETORX. Surprisingly, he found that the company already developed a new type of operation system based upon images rather than characters. As a sharp-eyed businessman, he began to develop and improve a similar system and then applied the system on the first Mac's. It was the beginning of Apple's success. Steve Jobs would not develop that system and achieve success from the system if he was not aware of the potential of image-based operation systems. In the other words, he had to really use the opportunities in front of him in order to earn success, instead of wasting time and waiting for success to come by itself.</p>

<p>The examples of two successful entrepreneurs in the same industry and the same era clearly show us why success must be earned by the person himself or herself. Without personal efforts, any amount of luck is a waste of opportunities and success will never be achieved.</p>

<p>Thank you for spending time on reading it!</p>

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<p>I don’t think you should write anything about a “statement” nor about “agreeing” with it. The essay should seem like it was written without a prompt.
As usual, I don’t know how to score essays, but it would probably get between an 8 and 10.</p>

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<p>4/6</p>

<p>I think it is best to not write “I think” or “I agree” in a persuasive essay. If you just write “However, the person’s effort is more important for success in life than luck” it would make your essay a lot stronger. </p>

<p>Also, it would be much appreciated if you could grade and give suggestions for improvement on my essay! I’ve included a link below.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1420822-please-grade-my-essay-will-return-favor.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1420822-please-grade-my-essay-will-return-favor.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Please grade my essay and give comments. Thank you so much!</p>

<p>The prompt was “Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?”</p>

<p>Numerous ingredients are essential for the recipe of future success in our society and planet. Among these, the easily most essential quality needed in the status quo is an explosion of creativity. Most dictionaries explain that creativity is the “ability to reason abstractly.” With that said, it is so much more than that. It is not a stretch to claim that creativity is the defining characteristic of intelligence that can make or break success. Without question, creativity is vital now more than ever in the world because it allows people to break down the constructs of routine society while also promising massive technological breakthroughs.</p>

<p>In his classic novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey elucidates how creativity is necessary to fight the restrictions society and the world enforce. Quite simply. he argues through the text that creativity is nothing less than freedom. In the novel, the protagonist McMurphy gets arrested for a small crime and chooses to serve time in a mental asylum rather than a traditional penitentiary. He fails to anticipate that this asylum is run by a power-hungry totalitarian dictator named Nurse Ratched who has cleverly tapped the patients on the ward and removed all their freedom. McMurphy’s massive creative abilities allow him to open up new avenues for the patients to rebel and fight for increased freedom. For example, McMurphy both plans a carnival and a fishing trip to achieve this paradigm shift for how the ward is run. Through both of these creative avenues, McMurphy allows the men to have fun and taste freedom, ultimately leading to the demise of the dictatorship of the nurse. As is clear, it was only through McMurphy’s creativity that the micro-society of the ward was revolutionized and in the same way, creativity is needed in order to fix the fundamental issues with out society.</p>

<p>In addition, Mark Zuckerberg’s creation of Facebook is brilliant proof that creativity is of the highest necessity to cause technological advance. Mark Zuckerberg is a true genius in countless aspects. Importantly, his massive creativity led him to explore revolutionary new ways to connect people on the internet. Years of insight and “messing around” with computer programs in undiscovered realms led him to the idea of creating a social network. In the late 2000s, all this creative exploration came together with the launch of Facebook the revolutionary website that connects individuals across the globe. Indeed, his creativity led to this leap in technology and our world needs creativity to further future technological innovations.</p>

<p>When examining the facets of our world that need to be reinvigorated, creativity is an obviously one. Through breaking down the constructs of traditional society and through the advancement of technology like with Facebook, the importance of creativity is more blatantly clear that is ever has been.</p>