Can someone grade my SAT Essay?

Test Preparation
1

<p>Taken from the January 2009 SAT</p>

<h2>Is an idealistic approach less valuable than a practical one?</h2>

<pre><code>Change. Change is the process of transforming something into something else. It can be political or it can be technological. However, is an approach to such change more effective pragmatically or idealistically? Must one follow the necessary steps to achieve a desirable result, or must one go about using creativity? History and literature have shown us that approaches based on practicality work better than on idealism.
This is seen in the story of the Wright brothers, Wilbur and Orville Wright. The world’s most renowned technological pioneers started their career as bike shop owners. As their lives progressed, their spark for aviation increased. However, the road to such change was difficult and required an empirical approach. Wilbur and Orville experimented numerous times and consistently learned from their failures. Eventually, they thought about giving up, but the observation of a bird’s wings, followed by more experiments, led them to success. By 1905, the brother had created an airplane that could fly continuously for thirty minutes, an amazing feat during their time. Only from observation and experimentation were they able to succeed in their endeavors.
Just as history exemplifies the advantage of practicality, so does literature. In John Steinbeck’ Of Mice & Men, which takes place during the Great Depression, George and Lennie look for work after Lennie is accused of rape. Their plan is as follows: work on a ranch and make enough money to buy their own land and create a rabbit farm. George and Lennie did what any hard-working American would do. Follow order, and follow a plan, not go by whim or follow a chimerical dream.
Although there have been many stories of people who went about creating a change ,in their lives or others, by quixotic means, an analysis of Of Mice & Men and the Wright brothers shows that practicality is better than idealistic approaches. One does not simply go about change by following intuition, but by following a cerebral plan.

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<p>Please let me know what I can work on.
Thanks! :D</p>

2

<p>I’m terribly sorry, but CC seems to have taken away my indentations
Trust me, its four paragraphs</p>

3

<p>Anybody at all?</p>

4

<p>4/6. You have grammar mistakes, and some of your sentences are clunky. You need to write more- aim for either 2 long and clear examples, or 3 good examples. Your opening and conclusion are bleh. Overall, your essay is a good attempt.</p>

5

<p>I see, so what’s wrong with my examples exactly? And I wrote two pages (maybe it’s the size of my handwriting) so i couldn’t really write more</p>

6

<p>Also, if anyone else would like to give any tips for improvement, that would be much appreciated.</p>