Can someone grade my SAT essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>hello guys, can someone critique my essay? thanks in advance to anyone willing to help me!</p>

<p>from bb practice test # 4</p>

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<p>Assignment: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? </p>

<pre><code>Change does not always result in better situations. Sometimes, changes that were meant to make one aspect of life easier may have made another aspect worse. Technology has overrun the world with changes to various ways of life, but this is not necessarily for the better of the people.

Automobiles were designed to expedite convenient and faster traveling. Although the car’s benefits are intrinsic, the drawbacks are disastrous. It is true cars make transportation much easier, but the side effect of carbon dioxide emission is destroying the environment. Greenhouse gases have been toxic and a big problem mainly due to the plethora of cars on the road. Heat created from the gas is starting to melt the glaciers, thus making the danger of global warming more prevalent. This exigent issue is the consequence of the change in transportation methods. While cars have had a positive impact on everyone by making transportation convenient, this is ultimately not better for people because of the overwhelming problem of pollution cars have created.

In classic literature, Ray Bradbury gives a foreboding story of a plausible future in “The Veldt.” Technology is prominent in the world of “The Veldt.” Technological changes have created a virtual world where one can experience realistic feelings and senses. However, the original purpose of this place is forgot when the children abuse this technology to get rid of their parents and take over the house. This virtual world, originally designed for relaxation and entertainment purposes, was turned into a real world where the children were able to eliminate their parents. This ominous story only shows how changes meant for the better may actually cause worse things to happen.

With the rising problem of carbon dioxide emission in cars and a foreboding story told in “The Veldt”, one can see the problems changes really bring. Originally designed to make traveling faster, cars now pollute our environment and make life harder. The virtual world in “The Veldt” was also meant to make life easier, but it did the exact opposite. These examples truly emphasize how changes meant to make life better may do just the opposite.
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2

<p>i would greatly appreciate any and all constructive advice!</p>

3

<p>Excellent essay. I would say 10/11 out of 12. It just didn’t wow me that much.</p>

4

<p>I think your essay is great. The use of correct vocab and grammar is good but I think it is only focusing on technological change where you could have also talked about social changes in the last century. Economical changes could have also been included but that’s me. I think you would get around 10 or above.</p>

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<p>@chapter2400 thank you so much for taking a look at my essay! i am definitely satisfied with a score of 10/11, but just for a better understanding, what do you mean it didn’t really wow you? i greatly appreciate your help!</p>

<p>@androbot thank you too for the help! i agree that perhaps i shouldn’t have been constrained to just technological changes; i just couldn’t think of other things at the time!</p>

6

<p>You should use an active voice rather than passive.</p>

<p>There is a lot of “that is” and “this is.” Avoid the verb “to be” and get directly to the point:</p>

<p>Carbon dioxide is destroying the environment → Carbon dioxide destroys the environment.</p>

<p>This is not better for people → People do not benefit.</p>

<p>Additionally, readers want to see your knowledge of advanced vocabulary, but that doesn’t mean that you should use an “SAT word” in every sentence. Your first body paragraph is laden with awkward and sometimes excessive words, which detract from the meaning. </p>

<p>Example:</p>

<p>expedite convenient and faster traveling → expedite travel</p>

<p>If the heat is just starting to melt glaciers, then why is the issue of global warming exigent?</p>

7

<p>hey moltenicee! now that I look back, I do realize that I seemed to have used the passive voice too often, and I used excessive words when not necessary. thanks for the constructive criticism, I definitely need to improve on those areas you mentioned!</p>