Grade my essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi people,
this is the 7th essay I have written. I wrote this one on a topic that I knew less about, maybe it shows in the essay maybe it doesn't, anyways please tell me what you think!
I'd be glad to comment on your essay in return, just ask!
Thank you</p>

<p>Have modern advancements truly improved the quality of people’s life?</p>

<p>Modern advancements or new technologies have had many negative effects. True they have caused some benefits but they have mostly been a source of harm. There impacts on the environment and on how we think outweigh the pros and, on the long term, negatively affect people.</p>

<p>A couple decades ago, Henry ford invented an automobile that was affordable to most people. People immediately got attached to it and the product was an instant success. Today there are more than 1 billion cars roaming around the planet. Although cars have made our lives easier, they have caused close to irreversible damages to the environment. Because they release carbon dioxide, cars cause severe damages that lead to global warming and ozone depletion. Global warming causes a chain of events, starting with rising sea levels, that will negatively impact our lives. Therefore, as we can see from this example, modern technologies do not always improve the quality of life of people.</p>

<p>When the internet started, it consisted of a small number of websites. Today, it consists of so many websites that the number can simply not be determined. Google, the search giant, once said that it had only categorized 5% of the internet. With such a big number of websites providing multiple resources, humans should feel like it has improved their lives, right? However, the internet, according to several studies, had made people lazy. Instead of actively searching for information, they simply accept the first link that pops up wether it be false or not. In the past, people would look for information in an active manner, that is they would consider several resources and critically assess them. However, today, they have lost that motivation that pushed them to want to know more. They are less willing to learn and less cultured. This laziness has resulted in a lower quality of life because people do not think anymore about the information they are given.</p>

<p>To conclude, through the rapid growth of the car industry and the launch of the internet, we can see that although modern technology provides some short term benefits, on the long term it will negatively impact the well being of people by either destroying their environment or by destroying their thinking abilities.</p>

2

<p>Hey,
I think your essay is good, but not amazing. I received an 800 in writing in March, and I got a 12 on my essay.
To start, I think that your hook is weak, and could be made a lot better. Your thesis though, is okay, but could be a lot better (and make sure to use the correct form of their!)
Your examples are very persuasive, and argue the topic well, to show exactly what you think, and to prove your thesis, but on the SAT essay, more is better, and if you really want a high score, you must use three good examples, and fill up as much of the two pages as you possibly can in the 25 minutes. You also mentioned that you wrote this essay on a topic you did not know much about. On the SAT, you are likely to get a topic that you do not like, or do not know much about, so you must be prepared. What I recommend is that, instead of just trying to think of your examples on the spot, and wasting your valuable 25 minutes, you should come up with a catalog of 5 or 6 good examples that could be used for pretty much any topic.
When I was preparing for my SAT, the day before, I just found several good examples that I really could mold into any topic. To do this, I found a general topic, like a war (in my case, I chose the battle of Penghu), and researched the basic info. on it, like the time period, countries involved, etc. Then, I got more specific and explained the case of one of the generals in the war. (I found that war generals could be pretty much molded into anything, depending on what you say happened) Also, you do not need accurate information for the SAT essay, the readers are reading each one for a very short time, so you could pretty much make up all the details (I made up what happened to the war general, with no accurate details at all, and still got a 12).
If you make a couple of these good examples before hand, you could write for the full 25 minutes, and write a lot.
Finally, my last tip to make an SAT essay better, is to use a couple of big words. BUT DON’T USE TOO MANY. If you use too many, it makes you sound pretentious, like you are trying too hard. Just use 3 or 4 big words scattered throughout your essay that show you really know what they mean and how to use them.
If I were a grader, I would score your essay a 9 or 10.</p>

<p>Summary:
-stronger hook
-stronger thesis
-3 examples
-write as much as you can
-big words
-strong closing</p>

3

<p>I think it is 5/6.</p>

4

<p>@satman1111
Thanks for the advice it’s really helpful!!
and @muaythaiguy18 what exactly makes you say that it deserves a 5? What are the strengths? What’s making you not say 6? Thanks!</p>