Can someone grade my UC Essay? =)

College Essays
1

<p>Hi everyone!</p>

<p>If some of you guys don't mind, would you please proofread and critique my University of California Personal Statement? I'm applying to Berkeley, San Diego, and Los Angeles, so on the essay where it says (City) I'll just put either of those three. </p>

<p>I'll PM it to anyone who feels like helping! Of course I'll also show it to a teacher and guidance counselor, but I want as many opinions as I can get.</p>

<p>Thanks! :D</p>

2

<p>Sure…I’ll give feedback…PM me!</p>

3

<p>Sure, PM me!</p>

4

<p>Sign me up pm it to me.</p>

5

<p>PM me, but I didn’t know that you could submit different versions to different UC campuses?</p>

6

<p>You can’t send different versions to different UC Campuses. It’s ONE application and you indicate which UCs you want to send the application to. So I’m pretty sure it’s the two prompts to all those schools - and that’s it.</p>

7

<p>Looks like the OP’s essay needs some retooling then.</p>

8

<p>Alright, I just need to change one sentence, thanks for the tip Star. I’ll send the PM’s soon. Thanks for helping :)</p>

9

<p>I’m so so sorry everyone, the message wasn’t appearing in my sent items folder so I thought it wasn’t being sent… there’s 2 duplicates of the first message, just ignore them. Sorry :(</p>

10

<p>PM it to me, I will take a look.</p>

11

<p>Sure. Just PM me!</p>

12

<p>sure. PM me :)</p>

13

<p>Hi everyone!</p>

<p>Before I PM anyone else I need to clear up something: the first prompt says:</p>

<hr>

<h2>Essay # 1: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</h2>

<p>So does that mean I have to include everthing? (family, community, etc.) or just one of those and give one example? I posted my essay on another forum and I was criticized for including everything and basically just telling my life story.</p>

14

<p>No you don’t have to include everything, those are just examples listed. You can just pick one if you want.</p>

15

<p>It wants you to zero in on one aspect. They just listed all those options to show you the breadth of the topic and its applications. I’d be happy to read yours over and provide some criticism.</p>

<p>E-mail me at: <a href=“mailto:NKunkel@ucsd.edu”>NKunkel@ucsd.edu</a> or PM me</p>

16

<p>Thanks Nik. I’m rewriting mine right now :slight_smile: Expect PM’s soon!</p>

17

<p>PM me :)</p>

<p>I’m also applying to those schools… and at the moment, my personal statement sucks. :S</p>