Can someone please proofread and help improve my NHS essay?

<p>It would be a privilege to be accepted into the National Honors Society. I realized that being a member of the National Honors Society is a big responsibility and requires hard work and determination. If accepted, I am willing to give NHS 110% of my effort.
Many have told me they look up to me and I am their role model. Being a role model means that I am setting a good example for others. People look up to me because I am dependable. When I commit to doing something you can depend on me to be there on time and ready to do what is needed. When I am working in a group I will step up and become a leader if needed. I also like to get involved in the group discussions and contribute my ideas.
Getting involved in the community and giving back is one of the numerous things I enjoy doing. Recently, I volunteered for Mother Teresa Service Day, which is an event that betters the community of Detroit. I helped at the “Arts and Scraps” station, a nonprofit organization, where I helped create toy kits for children at local elementary schools. I really enjoyed putting together the toy kits because I know how happy the children will be when they receive them. Not only do I enjoy participating in activities that help the less fortunate, I also babysit and help clean up my neighborhood in my free time.
I am often told that I am a responsible, kind, and honest person. I always make sure I turn in my school work on time, finish my homework, and study for my tests. I respect my teachers and classmates. I treat them how I want to be treated. I am also an extremely honest person. My assignments are completed honestly and with only my knowledge. Even in daily conversation, if I disagree with something I will be honest in a kind way. These characteristics make me a good school citizen.
I believe that I have all the qualities needed to be accepted into NHS. I show qualities of leadership, service, and character. Becoming a member of NHS would further my ability to help the community. It would also give me a chance to show my leadership skills and character.</p>

<p>please?!</p>

<p>looking over it now</p>

<p>okay so just scrap the first paragraph. the people reading it already know that its a lot of work, you don’t need to tell them that. just start your essay with “Many have told me…”</p>

<p>2nd paragraph you need an example like you have in the 3rd paragraph. anyone could just say ‘lots of people tell me I’m nice’. that really doesn’t mean anything to the reader unless you give of a specific example of it</p>

<p>overall, your essay is good but you need to expand more on the details / examples rather than saying “oh I’m nice” “i am a hard worker”, “i am respectful”</p>

<p>also keep in mind that this essay is about how great YOU are, not how great NHS is</p>

<p>Thank you so much!</p>