May you proofread my NHS essay and critique me on it? I had this shortened by a friend as well...

Please help however you’d like! Also, if you think it’s boring, too carefree, too strict, too formal or something isn’t added, or too much is add or really anything, please let me know!!!

    I am deeply honored to be considered for the National Honor Society.  Having learned about the National Honor Society, I am extremely delighted to be eligible for such an amazing organization. In addition to my required coursework and my extracurricular activities, I have been participating in an online Chinese language and culture course. Learning more about China is important because it is my heritage and I am a first generation American. Through my numerous activities, such as playing field hockey to singing in the choir at BC, I have created long lasting friendships and relationships among my peers and teachers; these have shaped me into the person I am today. Before coming to BC, I can remember volunteering at the Keystone Villa in ---; I played a piece on the piano for the residents. Their gratitude has remained with me to this day. Upon coming to BC, I found that Mr. Olivard was offering a tutoring class at ---. Helping at --- sparked my love of helping others in the community. I try to take advantage of the volunteering opportunities BC offers; I love meeting new people.  One thing that makes me love my job at --- so much is the environment and the great people there. Though I haven't had many chances to become a leader in a club or organization, in instances where adults, teachers, or coaches have asked me to lead a team or help a group of kids, I am extremely reliable.  However, I am proud to say that I will be the Secretary of the International Club this upcoming school year. All in all, I do believe that with my past experiences and skills, I can help contribute to our nonprofit organization and help the communities of our school, families, and others.

For NHS essays I always say make sure you touch upon the Four Pillars of NHS which I think you have done.
I think you use the word “love” a couple of times…maybe find a different word.
Also try to give more specific examples…“Loved work, people were great” is what I am getting…can you give an example? Otherwise it all sounds pretty generic.

All in all your essay is pretty good.

Scholarship: Scholarship is characterized by a commitment to learning. A student is willing to
spend the necessary time to cultivate his/ her mind in the quest for knowledge. This pillar can
only be achieved through diligence and effort. Scholarship means always doing the best work
possible, regardless of impending reward.

Service: The pillar of service can be reached in a variety of ways. The willingness to work for
the benefit of those in need without compensation or recognition of any kind is a quality that is
essential in NHS members. As a service club, the National Honor Society is highly concerned
with giving its all to the school and community at large.

Leadership: Leaders take the initiative to aid others in a wholesome manner throughout their
daily activities. Leaders sacrifice their personal interests in order to yield to the needs of others.
Leaders need wisdom and self-confidence to affect change in all aspects of their lives. Some
examples of leadership can include, but are not limited to, leading group activities in the
classroom and in the community, being an officer in a club, being a primary member of the
band or choir, or being the captain of a sports team.

Character: Character is what distinguishes one individual from another. It is the product of
constant striving to make the right choices day after day. Students with good character
demonstrate respect, responsibility, trustworthiness, fairness, caring, and citizenship in all of
their actions.