<p>I just finished writing my prompt #1 and I feel really confident about it but I really want someone to read it. I don't know if it is laid out correctly or if it sounds unique. so can someone read it please? Thank you !!! :D </p>
<p>yeah sure. </p>
<p>I will read it!</p>
<p>People are willing to read it, but just so you know, they don’t have access to your computer so you are gonna have to post it here 
</p>
<p>You can pm us, you don’t have to post it publicly! I’m willing to help 
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<p>I will! Just pm me 
</p>
<p>I can take a look at it as well, the more the merrier right?</p>
<p>If you still need feedback PM me :)</p>
<p>I will, PM me 
</p>
<p>Sorry I didnt post it lol it totally just escaped me and I got logged out of my account! Thank you to those who posted ! This is for prompt #1 for the UC schools! </p>
<p>Imagine this, walking through the gates of the place, the only place that makes you truly feel at home. For me, there is only one place that makes me feel the most tranquil and that’s Disneyland. As kiddish as it sounds, for me the “happiest place on earth “ symbolizes the idea of making your dreams come true. The place of the amazing churros and funnel cakes, means more than just another money seeking corporation, to me it means a breath of fresh air and isolation from my real problems.</p>
<p>It’s a normal day and it’s probably around 6:00 pm when my family and I arrive to the park. After a long day of a cliché high school day, and all I need is to separate myself from the negativity and be with my family. That’s the way I was raised, to never let a negative situation impede us from enjoying moments with those we love the most.</p>
<p>As we walk to the turnstile and give the employee our annual passes, I remember the reason why I even have the privilege to visit the park anytime I want, my family’s strength that they have passed on to me. This strength that has led them to work hard for years and sacrifice themselves in order to simply visit an amusement park. It was this dedication that I learned and I am able to push myself through all those late hours of studying and projects . It is with this same dedication and strength that I am able to turn a bad grade on a test into an opportunity to better myself for the next time. Even though I am not the best student, I don’t give up on trying to get that better grade or SAT score, even if it takes me 3 tries to achieve it.</p>
<p>As we sit down and wait in front of the majestic castle for almost 2 hours for my favorite part of Disneyland, I pull out my headphones and my phone and I start to think through everything that is going on . From every problem , whether it be family related or just dealing with high school drama, that spot in front of the castle is where I can solve it the best. As the fireworks start, they are ironically “Believe… Dreams Come True” . They symbolize the basic ideals that founded the company. It also symbolizes my personal theory of life.</p>
<p>This is how Disneyland has changed me, they’ve helped me realize my true potential and that all doors are open if we try hard enough. This philosophy is what I will take with me in my future endeavors as I finish high school and began college. These fireworks ,which feature many of the popular movies that the company has produced, all have one thing in common. They all involve the idea that even in the most adverse situations when all hope seems lost, your dreams can drive you to do whatever you want. Whether it is to fly off to Neverland or to meet that Prince, all of the characters embody the importance of dreams. And just like Walt Disney did at his time, I will continue to believe in my dreams and that with hard work I will get exactly to the place I want to while ignoring those who attempt to hinder me or those situations that tempt me to stop. At the end of the day, just as I do on my way home from Disneyland, I know what I want to do and I will continue to strive to achieve it.</p>
<p>You have a good writing style. It’s rather cosy and sincere. However, I personally think that your essay seems a bit…loose? I mean I understand the points that you’re trying to make about yourself but I really do feel that you threw in Disneyland as an afterthought to make your essay a bit more special, though it does seem that you are well versed with Disneyland which is good. The part of SAT scores is a little sudden. </p>
<p>You really need to reread your essay - there are tons of grammar issues that I see. Read your a
essay outloud.</p>
<p>Your opening sentence can be written better. It soundsvery awkward when read. I dont think you should be spending the entire first and second paragraph on “scene setting”. </p>
<p>As for the topic of your essay, I think writing about Disney land is a great idea. I do think, however, that your current essay is not well written at all. The slogan for Disneyland and your ideology towards life are identical -fine, good connection, but your essay lacks depth. You mention a lot of things vaguely - family, school drama, test scores, GPA, fire works (i think this has potential), but none of these topics show me who you are. Don’t you think the majority of students have encountered all of these experiences? What makes these events unique to you? I would stick to one, or maybe 2, experiences that are meaningful to you and Show why. What you’re doing for the most part is telling me a whole load of nothing.</p>
<p>Thanks guys for the help! I see what you mean by that it sounds a bit awkward. Going to go fix it right now! </p>
<p>@geg123 once you do make a new draft, please refrain from posting it out in the open like this. There is a very real risk that your work may be plagiarized. Instead, I’d advise you to PM individuals whom you trust. </p>