Can someone take a look at my risky personal statement?

<p>My essay is the "influential person" topic and deals with both religion and politics... Risky, I know, but both topics are topics that I have had a great interest in a long time.</p>

<p>The thing I'm worried about is that I sound a bit pretentious, or that I focused too much on the person who influenced me, rather than about myself.</p>

<p>I'd appreciate it if one you could give me some insight. Thanks so much.</p>