Can you guys please read my college admission essay and tell me what u think

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<p>The hardest part in writing a essay like this one is choosing a accomplishment, a talent,a contribution, a quality or experience in a life where you do not feel like you have accomplished much so far in your lifetime, or you talent is not much different from everyone else, or you have not experienced as much some of the other competitor for the spot.</p>

<p>I would not be sure if this story I am about to tell is a accomplishment or a experience, or maybe both.
I remember it was a beautiful day of my 7th grade year in Africa when I woke up to a Playstation 3 in the bedroom and a note saying“Joyeux Anniversaire de ta maman” which means “ Happy Birthday from your mother” in french. That day was quite a beautiful day from my point of view because I have been dreaming about the game for so long and I finally had it. I was the only kid in the community to acquire it at the time, so it was only a matter of time before the news went viral in the community. Every kid wanted to see the famous game. The heart of my whole story was my Father getting fired from his job about a month after I received the game and suddenly one morning in the summer I had a brilliant idea which was to make kids pay to play the game they all were in love with, it was a complicated idea because I was from a community where we all knew each other and we were educated in a way that teach us whatever your neighbor own is yours. When I presented the idea to my father he would not approve it despite being unemployed, it took me 5 days to figure out a plan with my brother to make my startup work since I couldn’t afford a Television, I would wait until my Father leave our house to go search for a job, then I would let the kids come and pay to play. Within two Weeks our business made enough to buy our first television,more CDs and even to contribute to the house bills. After the first revenue my father would suddenly change his view of the business. Two months later the business was able to buy one more Playstation 3 and a Xbox and the business kept growing as the weeks going. I would make as much as five hundred dollars a month which was more than the average income in my community. </p>

<p>I was proud and happy of how the whole thing turned out because I was able to contribute to my family’s bills and a safe place for kids to have fun without their parents worrying about where they were. This whole experience will change my life forever because of the outcome, now I believe that I can make anything happen in life if I put my mind into it, this experience taught me to never backup from what I want to accomplish in life. It was a life needed experience.</p>

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