Can you please grade my essay? SAT tommorow!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Can you please gradde this essay, I'm aiming for 10+.And can you give suggestions for improvement if you have any? Thanks!</p>

<p>P.S can you please suggest some examples that i could use for other topics?</p>

<p>Prompt: Is it important to questions ideas of people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>Questioning authority is necessary in our communities. It allows society and individuals to grow and develop. As seen in the civil rights movement and in George Orwell's 1984, if the government is takind wrong and corrupt decisions, individuals must take action. </p>

<p>On December 1 1955, Rosa Parks took a stand against racial discrimintaion. During her time, black people were extremely discriminated; they attended different schools, shops, hospitals, and even rode on different busses. Rosa refused to give up her seat to a black man on a Montgomery bus. She was arrested and harrassed by the government for her defiance. When she was released, Parks and many others protested and boycotted the busses. Even though, many African-Americans lost their jobs and homes, they did not stop until the government listened. Finally in 1964, the government passed the civil rights act and the African-Americans were justified. If Rosa Parks had stayed silent and obeyed the government, African-Americans would not be as free today.</p>

<p>In George Orwell's 1984, the protagonist, Winston, lives in a futuristic totalitarian community. Individuals are extremely oppressed.The government controls the individuals' lives completely through terror, propaganda, and fabricating the truth. Anyone with slightly revolutionary ideas was tortured and brainwashed. Watson kept an illegal dirary, in which he expressed his hatred toward the government, and tried to rebel. However, he was caught. The government tortured him and eventually broke his spirit. Eventhough, he was defeated, questioning the authoruty of the government was crucial.</p>

<p>After a careful analysis of events in history, the civil rights movement, and themes in literature, 1984, one can clearly see that questioning authority is crucial to developing a society. Individuals need to prosper and take control of their communities in order to live free and happy lives.</p>

<p>Thank youu!</p>

2

<p>10/12</p>

<p>The essay has a few grammar mistakes, [December 1 1955] comma after 1 [Even though, many] no comma after though [Eventhough, he was defeated, questioning] Even though and no comma after it.</p>

<p>The vocabulary needs to be improved for a higher score, too. Even in the first line, necessary could be replaced with imperative. Not only will stronger vocabulary make your essay more sophisticated, but it will give your grader a better impression (which is very important since he/she doesn’t read your whole essay)</p>

<p>It would help if you had a 3rd example that is a little more different, ex. one that is a different position of authority rather than government, for example, parents.</p>

<p>However, the essay is still strong and if the grammar mistakes are fixed, vocabulary improved, examples enhanced, this essay would be an easy 12.</p>

3

<p>thank you! testtaker18</p>

<p>ahmedhendawy can you pm me here instead?</p>

4

<p>A few crucial things that would in my opinion push this to a 10-12 mark. First use more vocab. second-explain your examples better and how they relate to the prompt at the end. For instance you said winstons decisions were crucial? crucial to what? maybe say it was crucial in wilson demonstrating his act of defiance against the government and that the governments propaganda would be challenged. even if its not true. Also use a third example, this is most important.</p>