Grade my essay pl0x

<p>Grade my essay please honestly and give me an actual number. Criticism welcome and appreciated. There are a few subject verb agreement errors and capitalization is a little erratic. Please tell me the main things to improve upon. Sorry for using such a platitudinous example as well but it is really the first thing that came to mind.</p>

<p>Prompt: Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government --rather than the individuals--should always come up with the solutions to society's ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self sufficiency.</p>

<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>That the people should take more responsibility for solving problems that affect the whole nation is a concept beautifully displayed by the civil rights movement of the 1960s.</p>

<p>After the civil war in the 19th century many thought the problem of slavery and racism would end; however, these problems remained rampant especially in the south. Leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X, although believing in vastly idfferent methods of achieving their goals, sought to bring the nation together to pass civil rights legislation and pressed lawmakers. Although president Eisenhower was weary of passing civil rights legislation the supreme court passed a bill that would solve a problem of the whole nation, segregation in schools. In Brow versus the Board of Education the Supreme Court overturned its previous ruling in Plessy versus Ferguson that "separate but equal facilities" were constitutional. This was epochal. Had the North only worried about solving problems that affect their community, the Brown versus Board of would have never occurred because the South detested the decision fervently. This decision proved to be the first of many decisions that gave blacks rights and that would have not been possible had the people in the North not taken a concern what was occurring outside their community and in the nation as a whole.</p>

<p>After violence toward peaceful civil rights protesters was broadcasted into televisions across the Northern seaboard, many people in the North began to realize that it is paramount to take responsibility for social wrongs occurring throughout the nation, not just in the north. This lead to pressure on Congress to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which gave blacks equal treatment in the workforce and military. This legislation would have been impossible without the support of the north.</p>

<p>As demonstrated by the collaboration of the north and the south, in order to right social wrongs people must take responsibility to solve problems that affect the entire nation.</p>

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<p>I feel one thing that I need to improve upon is that my conclusion does not tie back to the question but rather to my example more. Does anyone else think this?</p>

<p>8/12 … As a whole, the level of writing is very good. But how this essay is put together will need major fixing.</p>

<p>You really need to work on your thesis (and intro paragraph). I don’t even know what your point of view is, making it hard for me to read and understand your detailed example. It was not until your very last sentence did I start to have a clue what I was reading.</p>

<p>That being said, your conclusion is fine, though might want to add one or two more sentences explaining how your example proved your point.</p>

<p>Also, your gigantic example paragraph (2nd paragraph) needs to be divided. As of now, it looks like a trash dump in which you randomly throw in everything that might make a point. You’re trying to discuss too much that you’re failing to describe each of the supporting details. The only good part in there was the explanation of the Brown vs Board of Education.</p>

<p>Lastly, your 3rd paragraph is really confusing. You didn’t draw a connection between the North and the 1964 Civil Rights Act.</p>

<p>An essay reader is not a mind-reader. Forcing a reader to assume your way of thinking will cost you on your SAT essay. Guide your reader.</p>

<p>Thank you for the feedback. I will work on that and write another essay either today or tomorrow. Thank you for grading it!</p>