Grade my essay!

<p>Essay Test #9 in the CollegeBoard Book 2nd edition</p>

<p>Excerpt: "Tough challenges reveal our strengths and weaknesses." This statement is certainly true; adversity helps us discover who we are. Hardships can often lead us to examine who we are and to question what is important in life. In fact, people who have experienced seriously adverse events frequently report that they were positively changed by their negative experiences. </p>

<h2>Assignment: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</h2>

<p>Adversity and obstacles absolutely alter the way humans think, indicate what they value, and can ultimately have beneficial repercussions. Success is not necessarily a result of good fortune. Sometimes people face misfortune, but this can actually benefit humans by allowing them to discover who they really are.</p>

<p>One key example of how adversity leads to an overarching success is the story of the U.S. Constitution. Originally, the Founding Fathers drafted a document called the Articles of Confederation. However, this system had an extremely unstable executive branch, causing chaos in the country. People tended to riot and disobey the government. Therefore, America's early leaders abandoned the Articles and instead wrote the U.S. Constitution. The immediate backlash from the masses that the leaders faced cause them to question their values. In the end, they realized that an executive power was necessary. While the sudden change in ruling style may seem too abrupt and perhaps even intimidating, the obstacles that confronted the Founding Fathers led to the re-evaluation of America's values and the successful U.S. Constitution.</p>

<p>Overcoming obstacles and gaining success are too central themes in literature. The success stories that are present in history and daily life have manifested themselves in great literary works. For example, The Odyssey by Homer is a mythological, bigger than life tale of a warrior who has to overcome many problems in order to return home from war. His journey tests his intelligence and strength and challenges him in ways that ease could not. In the end, Odysseus prevails as a hero. While he eventually achieves success, his journey shaped his character and allowed him to discover himself. He became more humble, more caring, and more wise. Therefore, it is evident that his daunting tests led to a better life.</p>

<p>While unfortunate events and trails tend to discourage humans, perseverance and determination can lead to outstanding results. Not only is success gained, but humans can learn about themselves, such as how they confront failure or hardship and how they handle rewards. As seen in U.S. history and Western literature, these concepts are extremely prevalent, particularly in Western culture. They have themes that can be applied to everyday life and can teach humans how to become more resilient, intelligent, and wise.</p>

<p>Probably a 4.</p>

<p>Strengths:</p>

<p>+Good grammar/mechanics.
+Good vocabulary.
+Strong thesis.</p>

<p>Weaknesses:</p>

<p>-Too short
-First example isn’t very strong. Second example is very weak. You need to do more elaboration on how those examples prove your thesis. Give specific examples of adversity faced by the Founding Fathers and by Odysseus. In the essay as it is, you give a superficial description of your examples that doesn’t really prove your thesis.</p>

<p>Wow, only a four? I didn’t want to provide too many details for each of my examples b/c I didn’t want the entire thing to be bogged down by an excess of information when the SAT essay should really be about testing writing ability. Also, it really isn’t that short. I wrote it down on the sheets the SAT test provided and I filled it to the last line. (And I have relatively small handwriting…)</p>

<p>4.</p>

<p>Not exactly short, but not long either. First example is 5/6 and second example is 3/6.</p>

<ol>
<li> 4 is a little harsh</li>
</ol>

<p>Should have used Civil Rights :)</p>

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</p>

<p>Hmm, doesn’t look like it. But it’s still a 4, IMO. If the essay was on the 4/5 border, it’d have been a 5 with that knowledge.</p>