I come from a very…well, complicated family situation, and my mother is very against me going to my dream school, Bryn Mawr (I’m applying EDII). My interview is coming up, and I’m worried that my interviewer will wonder why I haven’t visited. We could barely afford to visit if my mom was willing, but the fact that she isn’t supporting me makes it impossible for me to visit. Will this count against me? What can I do to convince my mother that this trip will be worth it?
<p>EDII is binding. Is your mom OK with that? </p>
<p>Not visiting is not a big deal.</p>
<p>She has no say in me applying ED. She's tried to talk me out of it, but that's one thing she can't control. She'll just have to get over it. When the time comes, I'll find a way to get up there then.</p>
<p>You could say that it is difficult financially to visit, but from what you've read, seen on the website, and talking with people on CC....Bryn Mawr is your first choice, even if it may be a bit difficult to to attend without some aid.</p>
<p>Just my 2 cents. Hope this helps. :)</p>
<p>"She has no say in me applying ED"</p>
<p>Wouldn't she be the one paying for it?</p>
<p>yeah, if my parents said I don't want you attending here, there's nothing I could do since I am financially dependant on them. But to the issue, I think you should bring up you financially cannot visit, and that's why</p>
<p>curlinterrupted,</p>
<p>From what you've posted on these boards, it seems that your family is in financial difficulty. If so, why would you apply ED? It is true that you can be released from your contract if the financial aid package proves inadequate, but it is a complex and difficult process. Also, it sort of disturbs me that you say that your mother has no input. My mother has a $0 parental contribution, but she had to put forth money at so many steps on the way, not to mention effort and emotional support. I would never dream of saying that she has no say.</p>
<p>No she would not be the one paying for it. </p>
<p>The reason I say "she has no input" is because of the lack of support I'm getting in all other areas of this process. She knows little about college admissions after 1975 (when she went to school) but claims to know everything. She's playing all sorts of games to sabotage my chances of going to any school except her dream school, Chapel Hill. She kicks herself for not going to Chapel Hill even though she really wanted to, and for the same reason (lack of parental support). But she doesn't see that this is just the same vicious cycle all over again. Its so frustrating.</p>
<p>Why doesn't she want you to go to Bryn Mawr? I know this is a very personal question so don't answer if you don't feel like it.</p>
<p>As for not visiting, if you explain your circumstances they will understand. I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened, and I doubt it's the last. Just concentrate on the interview itself, impress the interviewer and the fact you haven't visited will be inconsequential.</p>
<p>"No she would not be the one paying for it."</p>
<p>How is this so?</p>
<p>Curl,</p>
<p>Unless you yourself are independently wealthy or have a large stash of money hidden under a rock, your financial aid package from any school you go to is going to have an EFC (expected facmily contibution) based upon your parents income as the school believe that parents are morally and socially responsible to provide for their education. You will need your mother to complete and sign the FAFSA and CSS profile for Bryn Mawr as well as the ED form.</p>
<p>Since you are not 24 years old and most likely meet none of the test to make you an independent student, your mother and her income will be taken into consideration and the school will not give you any extra money because your mother does not agree with your choice. As Candi stated, it is very hard to get of an ED commitment due to financial reasons and most times you are relegated to your local college.</p>
<p>Have you tried looking at sites like campus visit where you can travel by Amtrak to philadelphia with your mom (if she purchases a ticket, then your ticket is free). In addition, Bryn Mawr host a mosaic weekend where there are a few grants available for those who cannot afford to pay for the visit.
If Bryn Mawr is in your area, maybe you can meet the representatives when they are in your town.</p>
<p>I'm pretty sure you'd need some financial aid, based on your posts. So, as long as you apply to schools that guarentee to meet need, UNC and a private college might be the same. I'd apply to several backups.</p>
<p>My parents were also not very supportive of my college applications in high school. Even though I got into a couple of Ivies and the like, they wanted me to go to the state university (even tried to tell me I could apply to only 3 schools, and that they had to be on the West Coast). It turned out that the private schools were cheaper than the state school, but they wanted me to go to the latter (to be close to home).</p>
<p>Not ALL parents are supportive. Some try to live their lives through their children. Sometimes children do the parenting. Sometimes parents can be co-dependent, and sometimes unrealistic. That was my experience with my parents, although now that I'm older, our relationship is better. Don't get me wrong, they still try to make me feel guilty sometimes, now that I live in another state but I do not get involved with the drama at home.</p>
<p>It might be a bit more difficult financially, but if your parents are not being supportive emotionally, I doubt they will be supportive financially. You could make a deal, if Bryn Mawr is a little more expensive than UNC after financial aid, to be responsible for the difference between aid offers. Use the financial aid calculator to get an estimate of EFC. No matter what school, the EFC stays the same--hence aid offers come into play.</p>
<p>Again, this is only my 2 cents. I've been in the same situation with my parents (they also tried to do that with my sister, but she got enough aid so that the state university was also more expensive after financial aid). I'd have to suggest sitting down with your parents to find out why it is so important that you go to Chapel Hill (stay calm and be the adult if you must), you mom may have other reasons for wanting you to go there besides the cost, or because she didn't go there. Truely, the college search is about fit. I just don't understand parents who want to limit their children because of their emotional/psychological nuances. If it cost the same or nearly the same for you to attend, I cannot imagine why your Mom would think she's helping you by making you go to UNC. </p>
<p>Again, you need to find out why your Mom may not help you, as it impacts what schools you can afford. </p>
<p>Just my humble opinion. Good luck on your application to Bryn Mawr. :)</p>
<p>"I come from a very...well, complicated family situation, and my mother is very against me going to my dream school, Bryn Mawr (I'm applying EDII). My interview is coming up, and I'm worried that my interviewer will wonder why I haven't visited. We could barely afford to visit if my mom was willing,"</p>
<p>IMO if you are hard up for money, you are making a big mistake to apply ED. As Candi pointed out, it's possible to get out of ED acceptances if you don't get enough financial aid, but that is a big hassle. If, too, your mom opposes your applying, then she may not be willing to pitch in for the parental contribution.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, if you can't visit, how do you know that Bryn Mawr is the college for you? ED is a very serious decision.</p>
<p>Also, if you have the stats to have a shot at Bryn Mawr, you have the stats to qualify for major merit aid from a variety of colleges, including some good women's colleges, if that's your preference. Instead of putting your hopes into one ED basket, it would be wiser to expand your options by also applying to places likely to give you enough merit aid so that your family financial contribution would be minimal.</p>
<p>curlinterrupted,</p>
<p>It would help if you stated more precisely what is going on with your mother. Didn't she have to sign your ED papers in the first place? Are you sure that she isn't going to contribute? If so, what are your plans?</p>
<p>Curl,</p>
<p>I do not know if you are a NC resident, if you are perhaps your mom is trying to steer you toward Chapel Hill because she feels you will get a top notch education at an affordable price. For some parents its very hard to talk about finances with their children and those who don't understand the financial aid process sometimes can't see beyond the $40,000 sticker price for a school like Bryn Mawr.</p>
<p>I agree with Blaineko that you need to sit down and calmly talk thing over with your mom to show her because of need based financial aid, it can be an affordable option. I would suggest running your number through one of the various financial aid calculators (williams, dartmouth, princeton, finaid) so that she could see how the money would break down.</p>
<p>I also agree with those who are telling you that if money is an issue, then you defintely shoul dnot be applying Ed (in any round) because comparing packages is important. It is no shame to say that you need to know what each school is working with. I know when my D was accepted the offer was very generous. Even though she received an $8,000/ yr scholarship in addtion to scholarship moniey from the general fund, she would also had to earn a few thousand dollars over the summer, I had to pay the EFC, ork study and a loan were also part of the package.</p>
<p>To piggyback on Northstar Moms posting, you should consider schools like Smith(Smith offers a Strides scholarship which also has a paid research component) and Mount Holyoke (Mount Molyoke gives a $60,000 over 4 years leadership scholarship) in addition to schools where you may get a deccent amount of merit money. DOn't limit your self</p>
<p>Also, you might want to look at Scripps and Agnes Scott.</p>
<p>Again, as other people have said, if aid is a consideration, then perhaps the best way is to look at other schools before you commit. If you believe that Bryn Mawr is your first choice, and you've talked to your parents about the financial information and reasons why they do not want you to consider BMC, then it's a matter of staying an ED applicant or converting the BMC application to a RD one.</p>
<p>I know this might not be what you want to hear, right now. I definately understand. In this case, if aid is an issue (assuming you get accepted ED to BMC), then UNC can be a good back-up (and you'll be able to get out of your ED commitment--though it might take a month or two--to attend your in-state school). In this instance, either way you decide, you'll get a good education. Keep in mind, some other applicants who asked to be released from their ED commitment to attend a state school were not so lucky, as the state school they ended up attending was not a good academic bargin, or a good fit. Luckily, your state has a great flagship university.</p>
<p>Again, just my opinion. Good luck. :)</p>
<p>Especially as you will have so little support at home, applying ED (to ANYWHERE) is a big mistake. You need to be able to compare financial offers - not only the grant portion, not only the loan portion, but what will be required in workstudy, summer earnings, whether the aid carries over to JYA (in which I know you have an interest.)</p>
<p>The reality is that of the various schools in which you have previously expressed at least some interest, the differences are far, far less than their similarities. They are all relatively small, all have something between reasonably good and excellent art history programs, all (I think) teach Italian (though some have much more developed departments than others), all have nice campuses, great faculty, terrific student bodies, strong student support, limited sports craziness, less drinking than many other places.</p>
<p>But the awards could vary very widely. Among four similarly ranked schools (all relatively similar to those in which you have expressed interest or a little bit more difficult to get in.) the offers my d. received varied in total by as much as $12k a year ($48k total), with loan amounts varying from $0 to $17.9k over four years, with workstudy varying from working in the kitchen to a paid research assistantship, with one school allowing scholarships in their JYA program only to programs they sponsored themselves to one allowing the use of scholarship funds virtually anywhere.</p>
<p>You will find out none of this if you apply ED, and it could come back to haunt you.</p>
<p>Well, I talked to someone at the admissions office, and they agreed to change my app to RD (since I had already submitted part 1). I guess now, I will go ahead and explain everything. </p>
<p>My parents divorced when I was 9. Ever since then, my mother has done anything and everything to control me. And my father has done whatever necessary to spite her. I'm almost positive I could convince him to take me up to Bryn Mawr (since he drives up to Baltimore/D.C. alot anyway). But this would make my mother FURIOUS. I would NEVER be forgiven.</p>
<p>I had a talk with her the other night, ang I laid all the cards out on the table. She said her main issue was the distance, though we've driven to PA on numerous occasions (she even has cousins who live there, so I wouldn't be alone). She's just being difficult for the sake of being difficult, and I feel like she is trying to sabotage me. But she insited she wasn't and said that if we could find a way to fly up there, that she would go. The only problem is, there's no way we could ever afford to fly there. She's done very little research on the school itself, so her problem with Bryn Mawr is that its not Chapel Hill. I don't even think she knows the cost of tuition (yes, she's that clueless). Most people in NC have never even heard of it, and so there is no way that she could have bragging rights. I should mention that her best friends' daughters are at Duke, NYU, and Stanford. She wants to be able to "live up" to that. </p>
<p>And my father is all for Bryn Mawr, willing to pay the application fee and everything, simply because my mother is against it (not that he's wealthy or anything). I haven't talked to him in a couple weeks, but I'm sure he'd be willing to go along with everything.</p>
<p>But depepnding on their divorce decree, both of thier incomes (and if your father has remarried then his wife's income) will be taken into consideration in order for you to get financial aid which can still make Bryn Mawr costly. Have you suggest <a href="http://www.campusvisit.com%5B/url%5D">www.campusvisit.com</a> where you can take the Amtrak she purchases a ticket and your ticket is free. She can make a long weekend of it , catch up with her family really get a the lay of the land.</p>
<p>As a NC resident, why are you so adverse to CH? Would you be eligible for merit money ?</p>
<p>I really don't like CH. Its too freaking big. And EVERYONE from my high school would be there. EVERYONE. I want new surroundings and new people.</p>