<p>I'm currently a senior in high school and I'm starting to decide what colleges to apply to. I've decided to apply to 2 colleges already that are both an hour and 20 minutes away. I want to apply to 5-8 colleges. I found some colleges that I like, but they're 8-10 hours away. I'm really close with my mom and 2 sisters and I'm afraid I'll miss them a lot. On the other hand I don't get along that well with my dad and would like to get away from him. I'm also very shy and don't make friends easily. I want to move away to become more independent and to be able to have freedom to do want I want, but then again I'm afraid of missing my family. I don't know what I should do. Please help?</p>
<p>Wherever you go to college, OP, there will be at least one person on your dorm floor who feels exactly the way that you do. Might be your roommate. When you get to college, you seek out those people so that you and he or she don’t have to go thru this separation by yourselves. Invite the person out for lunch. Work on a good cause. Go bowling together. Make a friend. If he or she doesn’t work out, there’s probably a second such person like you on the floor, the one who has trouble playing hackysack in the hallway, the one who doesn’t look up when you pass in the hallway or sidewalk, the one with the hair hiding his or her eyes or the squeaky voice who never leaves his or her room. Chat the person up; help her out and you’ll be helping yourself out. If you want your family to come visit regularly, live an hour away. If you want to see them once in awhile, live two hours away. Beyond that range, your sister might visit once a year unless you have money to burn. And try to improve the relationship with dad. You’re going to need him, and he is going to need you more than he may realize right now. Your sister and mother, and your high school friends, will still be there when you come see them at Thanksgiving, and you will have a great time with them and feel much better when you return to school because you realize that they still have your back. You’re far from alone in this; my mom came to visit me every week to ten days for three months. My sister said to her, “for crying out loud, mom, he’s an hour away in college. he’s not dead or going to die soon!” Had no effect. I had to start blowing her off before she got the message that I was doing okay without seeing her weekly. But I sure did enjoy all the company and attention and snacks the first couple months. </p>
<p>Can you find any comfortable compromise. I went to college in NYC, and continued to live for there years afterward.
My family lived in the greater-Boston area. I always thought that was the perfect distance. I could get home pretty easily whenever I needed or wanted to, but I was able to build and sustain my own life. I suggest finding some colleges three-to-five hours away, with easy access to transportation if you won’t have your own car. Is that feasible? Are there good colleges you haven’t really looked at within that distance, or do you live in a fairly remote area? I understand that my suggestion might not work for residents of Montana or Wyoming. </p>
<p>You can apply to some near home and some farther away. Visit your top choices once you have acceptances and then make up your mind. You don’t have to decide today. :)</p>
<p>The best thing to do is find the college you are most comfortable at, regardless of distance. That way, home is less tempting. You really need to start seeing college as your new home, and the sooner the better once you arrive. Scary, I know, but that’s part of becoming an adult. Running off to see parents and/or friends is really not a good idea and the closer they are, the more you’ll be tempted, and as was pointed out above, the more tempted they will be to come see you when you really don’t want them there. </p>
<p>I agree with intparent, because my D did exactly what they suggested. The colleges that are your favorites in the fall may not be your final choices by May 1 (a lot can happen during senior year.) Our D was a homebody also and somewhat introverted but decided college would be an good time to try someplace new out of her comfort zone. You can always skype, text or call home as needed; if your college is a direct flight or train ride away, you may be able to come home on major holidays and summers.</p>
<p>My D knew she wanted to attend college within a 200 mile radius of home, but not everyone has that clarity. I suggest you ignore distance for now, but do work on a list of attributes you would like in a college. Do you picture yourself in an urban setting, or a rural community? Do you feel overwhelmed with a large campus, or would you prefer to get lost in the large crowd? What kinds of activities do you currently enjoy with your friends, and are there colleges out there that would have that activity? It could be in an academic class or as a club activity. Physical attributes like being able to put up a hammock and chill with friends, or hang out at a local coffee shop, or walk to a train station and ride 30 minutes into the big city for all the museums and culture, these can all be important, depending on your personality.</p>
<p>Decide if you want to be part of an Honors Program, a Residence Living/Learning Community, an active volunteerism community, an artsy vibe, a nerdy group, etc. My D wanted a beautiful campus with lots of green space, big trees, and wanted to be able to bike around campus. She checked the distance to walmart and chickfila when looking at schools. </p>
<p>If you want to mention what possible majors you are interested in, and some other details, like what state you live in, your gpa and test scores, and how much your parents can contribute to your college expenses, then you can get people making suggestions for colleges that fit you and your situation.</p>
<p>Remember, you are selecting your new home. You want to fit into your new community, connect with like-minded friends, and be able to succeed with confidence. I believe discovering what you really want is the first step in finding colleges that might be the right fit for you.</p>
<p>Other considerations are the time and cost of traveling back and forth and the impact weather might have, also if you have any health issues that might require you to go home or have someone come to you quickly (eg unmanaged diabetes or depression).</p>
<p>I just think it’s a bad idea for CCers to tell the OP to ignore a factor that the OP is telling you is so important to the OP. This student is actively engaged in questioning her ability to live farther than 80 minutes from home. Yes, we’d like OP to try something further from home because we know it’s good for 95% of students to do so, but this one is saying, “I’m less sure than you the CCer.” I wish OP would look at schools further away, but would going further away create in August a ticking bomb by October. It would be a very expensive mistake if she ends up withdrawing from school at that point. None of us knows OP better than OP does.</p>
<p>Certainly closer to home may be best for this student. My kids both had “close to home” schools that they were pretty sure they would get into. Neither ended up going there, but it was an option right up until May 1. For them it was a type of safety. The OP might consider more schools close to home, but maybe put a couple on the list that are further away in case by May 1 that seems like a better idea. </p>
<p>Both my kids are in colleges on the opposite side of the country from where we live. But when you consider that, at least in our state, driving to some of our in-state colleges takes about the same time as flying across the country to where they are, it really doesn’t seem that far away (and with the price of gas, the cost often isn’t that great either). I think previous advice about applying to many different colleges, and then visiting the ones you get accepted to that seem a good fit is good advice. There is something about being in a completely different community for 4 years than the one you are familiar with, also. It is your one chance to live in some little town (or big town) in a state far away that you may never have again. Also, you may find your family very interested in your experiences there.</p>
<p>Sorry about the somewhat harsh tone earlier, but is the spirit of helping, OP should realize this is true for many, many a HS senior - things change mightily between October and April and then September. HS gets very small by the end of senior year and a lot of maturing happens. What seems scary now may not be so by the time you actually need to pick one school. Things you want to hold close now, you want to cast off by next September. D went from really wanting to relish senior year to not being able to wait for it to be over to feeling regret about not seeing anyone to wondering what all the fuss was about and not looking back. HS is now literally and figuratively a 1000 miles in the rearview mirror.</p>
<p>Best advice was above, have that close school in your lineup and as a fallback, but add in some adventurous schools to the mix as well, ones that are great fits but a little uncomfortable from a distance standpoint. You don’t have to decide until April which one you’re going to, but you can’t pick something you didn’t apply to and get in. Give yourself options, even uncomfortable ones. You may find that the school is not as uncomfortable in April than it was in October, but if it is, you’ll have that close safety to fall back on as well.</p>
<p>The point of my earlier post was intended to be “don’t use distance as the only factor in choosing your college.”</p>
<p>It appears the OP may be fixated on distance only, and I was hoping to shake things up a bit and get OP to think about what other factors would be appealing in a college.</p>
<p>I do think that having several options to choose from in the spring is a great idea. But it comes down to needing a closer school, at least pick a school that is appealing for more than just its address.</p>
<p>That’s actually true that I could change a lot before spring. I’m going to apply to a few far away and a few close schools and then make the decision later. Thanks! </p>
<p>I agree that you don’t have to decide today - apply to a range of schools, and decide later! I’m glad that you came to that decision :)</p>
<p>But also want to say that you don’t have to go far away to become more independent and have your freedom. That entirely depends on you and your family. I attended college just a 20 minute drive away from home (like you, I was close with my mom and siblings, but a bit estranged from my father). It was very nice to be able to go home when I wanted to go see my mom or my siblings, but I only went home when I wanted to. I still lived on campus, made lots of friends, joined some clubs and got involved. I also had the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do.</p>
<p>I don’t necessarily agree with the assessment that if you are close you will be tempted to go home more often - it depends on how comfortable you are with your new college campus. Also - becoming more independent doesn’t mean that you need to cut yourself off from your family or go home less. Even if you had to or wanted to live at home and commute, you could become more independent that way, too. Some 18 year olds don’t go to college at all; they go to job training programs or get jobs in the same towns in which they grew up. They still manage to become independent. Going to college more than 50 miles away from home, and sleeping there most nights, is still something that only a relatively small fraction of the young adult population does. It’s not a necessary prerequisite to your development - really, that depends on you.</p>
<p>And my family NEVER “surprised” me at college or came when I didn’t want them to be there. The closest I ever got to that was my dad needed to get something from me but he called me first (he worked about 10 minutes away). He met me just outside of campus. Again, that stuff really depends more on you and what your family is like than the distance.</p>