<p>I think there was a thread recently, but today I came accross this article about 2year old from Atltantic Monthly and thought it would be interesting.</p>
<p>"Caring for Your Introvert </p>
<p>The habits and needs of a little-understood group
by Jonathan Rauch
.....
You know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties....</p>
<p>[D]o you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof?.... Redouble your efforts to draw him out?
If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your handsand that you aren't caring for him properly...</p>
<p>First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either..."</p>
<p>Hey Simba,
Thanks for the article. Where was it published? </p>
<p>From an introvert, I would say it is quite accurate. I read a book in my 30's which described the difference between an extrovert and an introvert and it really helped me to understand myself and relationships better. Knowing it at a young age could have saved me a lot of time beating myself up and wondering why I wasn't like other people. I always wonder who is an extrovert or an introvert on CC.</p>
<p>Reminded me of a book called Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto, by Anneli Rufus. I recommend it to anyone who needs lots of alone time to recharge from all that time spent socializing. I read it a couple years ago when it was first published... I was a senior in college, and I'm glad I didn't have to go out into the adult world without first having read that book. It gave me a lot of insights into how to take care of myself. Now, when people ask me to go out and I don't feel like it, I just politely decline. For most of college I got so much pressure to "go out! have fun!" that I figured there was something wrong with me, because "fun" for me was often curling up with a good book on a friday night. Everybody thought I needed to be brought out of my shell, but in fact I was just being myself. Sure, I'm friendly, but I don't like to be with people 24/7. Now I don't feel guilty about it. </p>
<p>However, it does seem a bit harsh to characterize all extroverts as stupid clods who don't ever understand. Any extroverts here to defend themselves?</p>
<p>Extrovert father of introvert daughter. The best way I've heard for characterizing the difference is the flow of energy. Extroverts draw energy from other people while introverts find prolonged contact draining. An Extrovert at a party gains energy as the party goes on. The introvert feels fatigued. One theory I heard in college is that extroverts adapt easily to new stimuli, require less time to accommodate and are therefore seeking ever more new stimuli. I've advised my daughter that when she is invited to parties to go ahead and accept the invitation to maintain friendships but to arrive late and leave early.</p>
<p>Mardad, are you familiar with the Myers-Briggs typology? (PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME et alia).</p>
<p>Liz, I test very close to the introvert/extrovert borderline. However, TheMom once made an observation that had a ring of truth to it: I lived as introvert as a survival mechanism in a chaotic and disfunctional childhood but am a natural extrovert whose tendencies have been gradually asserting themselves over the years. I don't think I'll ever be one of those socially easy "life of the party" types but I've become much more adept in the "working with groups of people, organizing and leading them" kinds of things that require people skills that I know would have astonished me when I was in my 20's.</p>
<p>i am an INTP according to the myers-briggs typology. and an otter/golden retriever according to gary smalley. i had these personality tests given to me at my school.. they're very interesting.</p>
<p>I've gotten more P than J as I get older...no doubt why college applications seem so interesting to me. Scores tend to cluster around the ENTP/INTP/ENTJ/ENTP nexus.
SJ's drive me up the wall and half way across the ceiling. (And I don't mean Jesuits.)</p>
<p>mardad - check out this questionaire for the smalley types. They used to be lion/otter/beaver/goldren retriever but now they have some other kind of name</p>
<p>you go through, put a number in the spot for it, and it tells you what you are. you can then click on the link that tells you what it means. i find them interesting as well.</p>
<p>we did some of this relationship type of stuff in my human resources development course.. it was interesting to find out about how to get along better with people in the work force, and things to look out for while hiring/interviewing because of these different personalities.</p>
<p>TheDad, that is an interesting analysis by theMom.</p>
<p>Sac, could you elaborate more on your post? I have also heard mardad's explanation of "energy flow" and it helped me to understand that introvertedness goes beyond shyness. I think maybe shyness is a symptom and not something all introverts are prone to.</p>
<p>Sac, It's all a part of the Myers-Briggs personality testing which is based on Jung's personality types. It is kind of difficult to explain without making it trite and some people fall more in the middle of a continuum which makes it difficult to figure which one you are. I found one website that might give you a quick overview. The book I have is called, "Do What You Are" by Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. I think theDad may have mentioned another book.</p>