<p>I have one who calls more than once a day . . . (she’s needy if you hadn’t gathered that). It’s been getting better over the years but I wish she wouldn’t. Her sibs (one in college, one who graduated and is working) call once a week unless they have a specifc question. I think that’s healthier. </p>
<p>When I was in college in the dark ages, a weekly phone call (from the pay-phone in the hall) was a luxury. But it fostered independence. Technology is a double-edged sword. </p>
<p>I think it’s smart to discuss communication expections, whatever they are.</p>
<p>I asked my kids to check in before the weekend starts (Thursday hahaha!) and after it ends. My S was in contact more than that. My D? Only time will tell!</p>
<p>I’ve only had my oldest go through one year of college so far but I’m definitely in the camp of “let your kid initiate the contact”, even though of course we’d all like to be little birdies on our kids’ shoulders. I’ll never forget the first real call we got from him, about a week and a half after move-in. He happened to catch us at one of his little brother’s soccer games. Got a chance to have a nice chat with everyone in the family (except the kid on the field). After that would get calls at odd times–like walking across campus at 11:00 at night. They were often interrupted by a lot of, “hey how ya doin’?” directed at other kids, so not even that much news was ever transmitted. I can tell you they do text when they are sick. That’s really hard. And of course the, “I need _____.”</p>
<p>I do believe that in most cases it’s harder for the parents to let go than the kids, but isn’t that what we’ve been working toward the last 18 years?</p>
<p>Speaking of the double-edged sword, I have read that college administrators have concerns that cell phones, IM and Facebook are making it harder for some kids to make the emotional transition from h.s. to college. If you’re walking across campus with your nose in your cellphone texting, you’re not looking at the faces walking past you or saying hello to the kid you recognize from yesterday’s lab. If you’re busy sharing your complaints and triumphs with mom and dad or your BFF from hs, you’re not making connections with the kids on your hall. </p>
<p>I think it’s great that kids are more able to stay in touch with parents and long-time friends from home more easily than we were at their age. BUT, too much of a good thing can be limiting. I’d rather my D spend her free time chatting with and making new friends at school, rather than focusing most of her attention on calling/texting her hs friends. I do hope she’ll call/text/IM ME frequently, and I’m going to campaign hard for her to Friend me on FB before she leaves (probably a losing battle, DS is a college junior and he says he’s not friending me till he graduates. ) I am going to MISS knowing the day-to-day goings-on in her life - I’m going to feel left out! But it’s important that she use college as a time to begin to forge her own life, and I’ll enjoy the communication more if I know it’s because she WANTS to include me, not because she feels like she has to.</p>
<p>Sounds very reasonable. But I hope folks read the “lightheartedness” intended. Texting has been techno-entertainment for my d - certainly not a necessity. When communication is needed, one could use the cell phone to call - what a concept! That’s why she has been paying for the service rather than us.</p>
<p>When confronted with 3 options - she continues to pay, we drop the service, or I pay in return for the “hi Mom” - she gratefully and good-humoredly chose the last option. I realize this is short-term, and daily will probably morph into weekly after a month or 2.</p>
<p>D1 is a junior now, so we have been through 2 years of this already. She has regularly called me a few times a day (that’s right) with very short messages, then on weekends we’ll have long discussions. She knows that I like to hear from her, so some obligations there, but I believe she enjoys talking with me too. We talk mainly about her social life and friends. Our closeness does not prevent her from having strong involvement with her school. She is in a sorority, runs their social events, belong to clubs, and has a boyfriend. She is very independent and organized in her friends eyes, she is their ringleader whenever they want to do something. </p>
<p>In reading some of those posts, it’s almost wrong to have a good consistent communication with your kids. If you were having good communication with them while they were at home, why wouldn’t it continue when they go to school. Does that feeling somehow jus get turned off? If you weren’t close at home, it’s hard to institute a call schedule because it’ll be forced and uncomfortable. </p>
<p>I say talk as much as you want as long as both sides are happy with the frequency. Either way you are not going to some how make your kid into a wuss. If it’s going to help you sleep better by having them call min x times a week, tell them. I do that for my parents.</p>
) I am going to MISS knowing the day-to-day goings-on in her life - I’m going to feel left out! But it’s important that she use college as a time to begin to forge her own life, and I’ll enjoy the communication more if I know it’s because she WANTS to include me, not because she feels like she has to.</p>