Change to College Life Will be Difficult... (help please)

<p>Hello. I am a graduating high school likely going to be attending SUNY University at Buffalo, but regardless, I'm highly nervous about some large adjustments I'm presuming I'll need to make to live during my education, or at least during my freshman year. I would appreciate any advice, anecdotes, comparable experiences, etc. in regards to any of my issues because I'm somewhat freaking out. :P</p>

<p>A severe problem is learning how to wake up on time... alarm clocks don't work so much for me and without my family around as at home, I have no idea how I'm going to get up for my classes on time all the time. I'm going to be afraid to sleep simply because I can't really control when I wake up.</p>

<p>Then, my shy aspect does come into play and the general public atmosphere will be a bit uncomfortable for me. I can manage this, I suppose, but it's just more of a transition-of-lifestyle uneasiness for me... am I never going to have any privacy considering I'll likely be sharing a dorm room and considering the communal restrooms? Then what if it's too loud to be able to study properly or what if I really don't get along well with or don't feel comfortable with who I'm around? UB's housing plan is seemingly quite random and arbitrarily based on nothing, really, aside from time of enrollment. What do I do then and what if I get too claustrophobic/agoraphobic in all this with little space to really move around or place my own personal belongings (planning to bring my TV and my PS3, as well as a laptop and, eventually, my own custom-built desktop PC; doubt I'll have space for it all, especially in a double room). I'm highly worried about my room-mates... yes, it's pretentious of me, but I'm pessimistically picturing loud, hard partiers and the like. I'm desperately hoping I'll run into people I know from my high school living close to my dorm room, if not luckily being my roommate, because otherwise, I'm going to be an introverted, shy, timid kid in a sea of strangers.</p>

<p>Anyway, communal bathrooms... I'm both a very shy person and extremely germaphobic. Public restrooms purely and simply incite sheer terror in me as, blatantly, I despise germs/filth, I'm uncomfortable with no privacy, I also have these paranoid fears I'm going to catch some disease from these places. Plus, if even so much as urinate standing up, it's almost a guarantee by the basis of liquid physics that some amount of liquid drops will splash on me and they always do, so I tend to go sitting down and I don't go sitting down except in my own private restroom, plus I'll have to do the other thing at times. This is almost unavoidable... almost meaning avoiding it would include going for housing on separate campus from where I'll be spending most of my time and even at that, considering UB's "first come, first serve policy regarding housing" (as well as my relatively late enrollment date), I likely don't have much control over where I go or even which dorm size I'll be getting. So... purely and simply, please help, I have no idea how I'm going to endure this aspect of college life.</p>

<p>In addition, as just more of a self-conscious issue, I'm a bit upset in thinking that I'll feel small and really not considered an equal to those around me. I know, it's pretentious to think such things about people I've never met and may very easily be very respectful and kind people, but I tend to think the worst of things and my height (suppose I'm not too short at about 5' 6", but...) and I always feel as though I'm less significant in comparison to many taller people. Put that in a constantly social environment with strangers and I just don't feel too good about myself... not confident speaking without feeling as though I'm relatively some little kid. </p>

<p>Ultimately, I also feel like I'm not going to have any free time and I'm just going to spend all my time studying or being uncomfortable.</p>

<p>In general, I simply don't know how to adjust to this (why is college so popular for people... scares me). It's unfortunately, going to actually be quite the downgrade from my current standards of living, what with my own, spacious room, queen-sized bed, comfort zone (family), dependance, private house restrooms, and more, as I'm sure it may actually be for most people, but to top that off, there are still all my academics (pre-med) and I was hoping I could fit some part-time job in for some spending money, but with all this already going on... I'm just flat-out scared to go to college and anything anyone could say would really make me feel better... just so I don't feel like I'm completely alone in this and so I could get some tips on how to deal with certain issues. To anyone that took the time to any of my demon parade, thank you. I just want to be able to say this to someone.</p>

<p>First off, you need to start getting yourself on a schedule to be able to wake up on time. IF you practice it enough, I’m sure you can train yourself out of that problem.</p>

<p>You will find areas to study in that are quite, even if it isn’t in your dorm.</p>

<p>I’m not a fan of public bathrooms either, nor did i have to live in a situation where i had to share one. However, its just one of those things where you have to just deal with it and make due and hope you can get your own bath next year.</p>

<p>You are not short, you’re taller then me :)</p>

<p>Trust me, you will have free time, mind you it may be half an hour here or there, but it exists!</p>

<p>Ah, I understand this part well. I’m not a social person at all. I had to leave my comfy room and house to move into a shoebox. I did not know how to deal with financial aid people, professors, or my classmates. I was scared to death about being lost on campus (no matter how small). </p>

<p>THe spring semester of my sophmore year, I became extremely sick (long story short, ended up having surgery and a major diet/life change to resolve the problem). I could not STAND to be there. I was scared to death and ended up going home every weekend (there is a story behind this one, bad case of flu followed up a week later with an allergic reaction and a trip to the ER via ambulance). My fears resurfaced badly then. I was very sick, i couldn’t keep food down, nor did the health clinic believe me (“you are having panic attacks”). But I digress…</p>

<p>As of this time, I am looking forward to being back on campus again. This past semester and the current one have been dedicated for me to recover. I have been doing online courses to keep myself busy with my studies. I am hoping that I can get a single oncampus apartment and in that way i can control what i do and when i do it.</p>

<p>It is scary, but look at it this way. With technology as it is now, you can still keep up with your family members. There are many many clubs you can join and I’m sure there is one out there that would be right for you. Do not stress the “what ifs”. Take everything day by day.</p>

<p>

What kind of alarm clocks have you tried? Have you ever considered going to sleep earlier?

Then you go to a library. Your fees are paying for those, you know, and they can be rather good places to study.</p>

<p>This is college, not prison. The dorms are very rarely the nicest part of campus…there’s no reason to spend all of your time locked in your room.</p>

<p>Wow, you really need to relax. You are worried about so many different things that i don’t know how you have any time left to do anything. You sound so serious about the imagined issues that you are going to face. What you need to focus on is that you don’t know what it is going to be like. </p>

<p>Have you asked yourself or thought that maybe you are actually really worried about making such a big step instead of all these small things? It could be the fact that you are leaving home for the first time is what has you bugged out and you don’t want to face that fact because there is nothing that you can do about that issue. You want to go to school, at a certain spot, and you have to leave the comfort and safety of home to get there.</p>

<p>I honestly can’t imagine anyone enjoying sharing a room with a stranger or having to use a communal bathroom for everything. Without a doubt there will be a whole lot of other people that feel the same way that you do about privacy. Just remember that you are all in the same boat. Most everyone is going to feel inadequate and uncomfortable in the beginning. You will get used to it.</p>

<p>These are typical things that people worry about when going off to college. If you’re over-the-top worried (which you seem to be), why not just commute to a local school? Seems to fix all of your problems.</p>

<p>Maybe it would be useful to have a few sessions with a therapist or counselor about these issues before you leave for college. Here’s what you might get out of it: some perspective on how common these feelings are, some sense of whether they are interfering too much in your ability to get through the day (hopefully with some enjoyment) or not, some coping skills for the anxiety you feel, some practice in participating in the social interactions you fear… wouldn’t it be good to have a professional on your side to help with this? </p>

<p>I think many other teens share many of your concerns and fears about downgraded standard of living in dorms, sharing bathrooms, loss of private time, and possible unpopularity. For some, it is balanced by the expected positives of college life (which you don’t seem to focus on…perhaps you don’t think there will be any), for others, they expect their own flexibility and ability to adapt to see them through without much trouble, and for you (and for many others), some professional help might make a difference. </p>

<p>I’m not saying I think there’s anything wrong with you. But your nature is pretty inflexible and pessimistic - if you want some help in overcoming those things to be able to partake successfully in college life (and further down the road, in a medical career) - than go look for it and get some.</p>

<p>To start: Don’t bring a TV if you’re going to build a desktop. Get a monitor that has an HDMI port, or buy an adaptor. Already, you’ve hit two birds with one stone.</p>

<p>I was a germaphobe for a while; I grew out of it, eventually, probably as a result of having no choice. Having two older siblings and traveling to horse shows, with no private restrooms within miles will probably do that. I suspect that a lot of your concerns are what lead to growth through college–having to deal with a roommate, share a room, bathroom, etc. I think that almost every, if not every, college has some sort of counseling service where you can go and talk about whatever problems you might happen to be having, which seems like a resource that you’ll appreciate when you’re trying to transition into college.</p>

<p>As for your alarm clock… go find a louder one? Or a different one? Perhaps one of the clocks that you stuff under pillow, and that vibrates incessantly when it’s time to wake up. Just try a few different things, and see what works.</p>

<p>You aren’t too short! Or, at least, if you’re short, then you can go be short with all the other short people milling around. There’s a fair amount of us, for sure. As for the social concerns, if you’re going to a remotely decently-sized college, there should be piles and piles of clubs for you to look into. Find one that does something that interests you, and join up! You’re guaranteed to have at least one thing in common with all the other members. Also, if you’re nervous, try and get into freshman housing. Then you’ll be among people who’re in the same boat you are. Everyone I know recommends that to me, and I suspect that I’ll take their advice this fall (or try to, at least).</p>

<p>There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. That said, social skills are always nice to have, and college is a great place to figure things out. I think there’re some other threads about social skills in college floating around. Go search the forum, and see what shows up.</p>

<p>Most people I know say that they have more free time than they know how to handle (excepting when they procrastinate too much, but still), so I wouldn’t worry about that.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>How brave of you to share your many worries; worries that others undoubtedly share but do not admit. I agree with the poster above who suggested seeing a therapist; there are many ways to learn how to manage worries and to find strategies to overcome fears, especially those about the bathroom. Also worrisome that you judge yourself so harshly so I think some support could give you coping skills and confidence.
My son shares many of your concerns and is just finishing freshman year. He was able to get a single which made a huge difference (is that possible for you?) but shares the communal bathroom which he absolutely hates but decided he just had to deal with. You will find many feel the same way.
Best to you.</p>

<p>As the spouse and mother of introverts, I would say that there’s nothing wrong with needing your own space, understanding what kind of environment works best for you for studying and “recharging time”. But introversion and social anxiety are two different things. You don’t have to turn into an extrovert to manage your social anxiety. </p>

<p>I would third the suggestion to have a few sessions with a therapist. A good therapist can help you learn strategies to manage the social anxiety, and also ways to be assertive in the way you honor and claim your space as an introvert. My introverts are happiest when they can articulate their needs for quiet, alone time, and it’s easier for the extroverts in their life to honor those needs when we know what they are.</p>

<p>Also, remember that most of the time, there will be RA’s or something like them living in the dorms with you. It’s their job to help students make some of these transitions, to help students get connected, to mediate roommate disputes, to help students find ways to cope. It’s not always easy, but also not unusual, for students to make changes to their living arrangements midway through the year. Check out the school’s policies. Can you request a “quiet” or substance-free dorm? Those are usually the living arrangements that attract other introverts as well. I know my S filled out a survey for campus housing at the school he will be attending that asked questions about the kind of environment he liked to live in. If you filled one of those out, and answered the questions honestly, you might get lucky and get paired with another introvert. </p>

<p>About the sleep thing–have you had a sleep study done? It’s not super unusual for teens to have sleep issues like you describe, but it might be that a doctor could identify some things about the way you are sleeping that make waking more difficult. To echo another post above, you will also likely “grow out of” this as you get a little older.</p>

<p>I would say yes, this about how college will be if you take it seriously and strive to do your absolute best. If you are just there to pass classes and get your degree, college probably won’t be too bad. If you are there to try and get the best GPA you can and know as much about your field as possible, kiss your free time goodbye.</p>