Changes fill my time, that's all right with me.

Parent Cafe
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<p>(I'm not sure whether this should be here or in the Cafe. It may have general interest re kids' changing views of their college environment, Katrina kids adapting, etc. If not, move it on out :) ).</p>

<p>The above is DS' semi-permanent away message. I think it's kind of poetic for a Katrina kid, don't you? It's a Led Zeppelin lyric but certainly seems to characterize his first college year so far. And I'm thankful for the attitude it embodies.</p>

<p>As many of you know, along with all other Katrina Gulf Coast students, DS was evacuated from New Orleans 2 hours into Freshmen Orientation. Made his way back home and spent Fall Term, happily and successfully, at Bates College. The other shoe dropped when, the day before his first final exam, Tulane announced the phase-out of 3 Engineering programs, including his major. After recovering (partially) from the shock, he made the decision to return to Tulane, even if only for one term. This decision we fully and enthusiastically supported.</p>

<p>Transfer apps were next on the agenda. He spent a portion of Christmas vacation writing way too many essays (because way too many essays were required, of course). I spent most of that vacation feeling more stress than has ever been characteristic of me. Refining the list of reach/match/safety schools became our next pre-occupation and was way more difficult than the first time around - back then we had the "one loved" great fit school, the EA, the merit aid and we had a far easier time of it than many. With help from friends IRL and here, though, we got through it. The clerical and managerial part of the application process came next and my contribution to that process kept me busy and less stressed.</p>

<p>Staying at Tulane with a changed major was a hypothetical option, but held no interest for DS. His commitment to Engineering was unwavering. The return to Tulane was a moving experience (pun or no pun) about which I have reported here. DS seemed detached, though - as I said before, as if he were yet again a visiting student. After all, he knew this was another temporary stop in his quest to really get started on his college career.</p>

<p>Fast forward to today, when we are in the long waiting game - a little longer than even those awaiting Freshman admissions decisions, as many of the transfer decisions come at the end of May instead of the end of March. He has one safety acceptance in hand. But the "change" filling his time right now is a change in his view of whether he even wants to transfer at all.</p>

<p>As we all hope our Freshmen will do, he is bonded now with his peers and new great friends; he loves his surroundings, his dorm, his floormates, his city. (This all happened pre-Mardi Gras; I imagine - well, I know - that his love of New Orleans has only grown in the past few days). He has raised the question - is it a viable option for me to stay one more year?</p>

<p>Well. Well, well. Staying is a viable option for sure. Staying for one more year? Doesn't make sense to me, especially for an Engineering major. I would think he'd be way too far behind trying to transfer as Junior into an Engineering program without having had the appropriate Sophomore classes. And staying for one more year, as I pointed out to him, could only make it harder to leave, I would think. Staying as a Physics major and getting a Tulane degree certainly seems a viable option. The part of me that loves Tulane (for him) and New Orleans is very pleased. The part of me that thinks he actually is destined for an Engineering career is questioning. But there are always ways - immediate Masters degree, for one. The ultimate choice is his, of course, and I'm not even sure how much influence I want to try to have.</p>

<p>If there is any generalizable theme here (and maybe there isn't), it's that things can change quickly as kids experience their first months. We see kids posting after their first couple of months at college that they are miserable; often we suggest that this may change if they give it more time.</p>

<p>Well, changes fill their time. I guess that's got to be all right with me.</p>

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<p>He's been through so much upheaval Jmmom, this seems to be not too big a surprise that he would feel some attachment now. Just love him, he will make a good decision, he's still got some time until he hears from those other applications - upside, he IS happy, and that's important.</p>

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<p>I agree with cangel. Also, Mardi gras must be so much fun, and he deserves some fun! I also would be questioning how much influence I would want to have, if he were my son. I would be nervous to sway my son to leave, and then have things not work out elsewhere. You're a smart mom by letting it be his decision.</p>

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<p>JmMom, great post. Wow, it is so hard to be a parent. Just try to go along for the ride and see what he decides and make sure he has thought it through and as long as he has his reasons, I'm sure either path will work out.</p>

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<p>jmmom,
Maybe the fact that there is now a "long waiting game" will actually prove beneficial in this case. Your DS needs some time to settle in and settle down, albeit perhaps temporarily. Having several more months to investigate his options may be an unanticipated side-benefit to the "waiting game." Good luck to your entire family no matter what the decision. Your grace and diginity in the face of so much upheaval has been a joy to observe in cyberspace.</p>

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<p>jmmom:
I have no advice whatsoever, but I just want to say that I really sympathize with you. I bet your son has grown up a LOT over this experience. I guess that's worth something, but tough way to go. Good luck making hard decisions in the days ahead. :)</p>

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<p>Jmmom,
I second all that has been said above. And, I am passing on this link to you from the American Institute of Physics (AIP), which describes career opportunities for physicists. My thought would be not to cling too strongly to any particular major --- the majority of kids do change majors at least once, so let him explore all possibilities and see what else turns up that feels right to him. All my love to you both.</p>

<p><a href="http://www.aip.org/careersvc/pify/yellow.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.aip.org/careersvc/pify/yellow.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>I too, believe that the long wait may be on his side. Right now he is still in the "honeymoon" stage, just a few weeks into his exciting new life at Tulane. You have time to lay out all the facts and options and let him come to the best decision for him. </p>

<p>My concern with waiting one more year to transfer (besides going thru this process yet one more time :eek: ) would be that 1 semester at Bates, 3 semesters at Tulane and then 4 semesters at another school would make for a real feeling of disconnect and no real sense of belonging. If he is ultimately going to transfer, I think now is the time. Trying to fit a square peg (eng major-no pun intended) into a round hole (Tulane), no matter how much you love the round hole, just isn't a good fit, and don't we always tell these kids it's about the fit. Good luck, your family deserves a happy ending.</p>

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<p>I guess one of the things I'd like to know as a mom is when the final decision will have to be made. Can you float along and leave the option of Tulane open until you get all the cards on the table and he can see what choices he has?</p>

<p>If that is the case, it's possible he may change his mind yet again. Sometimes I think the whole process of applying to colleges should have as its theme song that old Peter, Paul, and Mary song, "The answer is blowin' in the wind..." So many questions, so many doubts, and so many uncertainties, especially for your son but even for some of us with prospective freshmen. A lucky few seem to choose a major and an ED school and stick to it. Most of the rest are out there wandering along on the road.</p>

<p>Good luck to your son in his wandering. There are no wrong answers here, I'm convinced....only a series of varying, correct ones.</p>

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<p>Cami - I'm not even sure how long he can float without a final decision. Housing choices for next year seem to be coming up quite soon; priority registration for fall courses in early April. So I have told him to proceed as though he <em>is</em> returning to Tulane for all of those things. Next stop - check when they want the $$$. Either that or the "reply card" to another school will be the final decision, I guess.</p>

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<p>jmmom, I don't think it's at all out of the question for him to do another year at Tulane, and still transfer to an engineering-type program at another school if he wants. Most engineering programs require a lot of math and physics, and a few humanities/writing etc. classes too; it just means that he'll rearrange the curriculum, as it were.</p>

<p>Check out the JHU catalog online, for example. It lists all the courses necessary for a mech eng degree, or other eng degree. Unless he wants a very specialized eng degree, like aerospace or biomed, he can probably make 2 years at Tulane fit most requirements, even engineering mechanics (heavy math).</p>

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<p>jmmom, </p>

<p>Wow, one aspect I have picked out of your wonderful post is that this represents such a positive turn, I think, for Tulane and New Orleans; it goes to show that what really matters is the love people have for one another! :)</p>

<p>I have heard of 3/2 programs in Engineering. Wonder if Tulane could help him come up with something similar?</p>

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<p>How is Tulane advising kids such as your son who have had the rug pulled out from under?</p>

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<p>macnyc - not sure exactly the nature of your qx. Tulane's Engineering Deans have stepped solidly forward, imo, to help these kids think through their options re staying or transferring. The Dean of the new College of Science and Engineering (or whatever the new name is) was the Dean of Engineering. He has reached out to his peer institutions to help pave the way for these kids. Tulane has hired a Transfer Guidance Counselor/Advisor, who is making positive contributions imo. Tulane is picking up the tab for transfer apps and travel.</p>

<p>Doesn't put the rug back under them, but it is the honorable way, and has contributed to my continuing respect for the institution.</p>

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<p>jmmom, yes, that was my question. Thank you, and best of luck to your son!</p>

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<p>Jmmom,
wow....I am in awe of the tone of the responses you have received. I hope you are able to bask, however briefly, in the care and concern demonstrated in this thread. Your patience and interest and solid advice offered to so many others is coming back to you from your cyberfriends..... the underlying, unsaid aspect of this post is what seemed to be a structured 4 year view of your son's life is turning out to be the antithesis of that.....and the title "changes fill my time. that's all right with me" is about your son's away message, not YOURS! I wish you patience as you come to accept the unknowns of his life and the unknowns his life introduces into yours. Whenever I find myself at these types of junctures, I repeat over and over that "the only thing in my life I can control is my attitude"...... you, Jmmom, deserve a big round of applause as you weather these active seas with grace... you are witnessing his maturation with all of the give and take of this experience. Wishing you peace of mind!</p>

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<p>Jmmom - the Buddha. Separated at birth? JK. But seriously, you are a nice mama.</p>

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<p>Jmmom -- I think your son's perspective will change somewhat when he hears from the colleges he has applied to. </p>

<p>Right now his choices look like:</p>

<p>Tulane //// ??????</p>

<p>It's hard to get attached or enthusiastic about ?????</p>

<p>So between Tulane & uncertainty, one more year at Tulane is looking very comforting. </p>

<p>I think actually your son has a lot of wisdom, expressed in his away message. He's open to change -- and flexible enough to consider staying put for a year, even if it might mean a change of plans.</p>

<p>I think what you should do is take a deep breath and relax; there is nothing you or he can do as far as making plans at this point anyway. And your son will probably do better this semester at Tulane if he allows himself to relax and bond somewhat, even if it means a harder time leaving later on.</p>

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<p>Hi Jmmom. I am sorry that things are still so unsettled for your son (as they are for most of us down here). It amazes me how resilent the Katrina kids are, and it sounds like your son is no exception. We're glad to have him with us down here, however long he can stay.</p>

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<p>conyat - Happy Mardi Gras to you and yours. Folks from Slidell were our evacuation companions for the few days we were in Baton Rouge. I never made arrangements to keep track of them, but think of your area often.</p>

<p>Thanks to all for the support and thoughts. calmom, I think you've hit on something. But, in any case, "it's all good."</p>