Check my HYP supplemental essays [Australian student]?

I’ve written one essay for the Harvard, Yale and Princeton supplemental essays - it’s 500 words. I’m open to any feedback from experienced CCers, but in particular, I’m wondering if it has any pizzazz. Would appreciate any help! Cheers.

I’d be happy to read yours. I’m not necessarily experienced, but I’m applying this year as well so I feel like I have an idea based on the advice I’ve been given from teachers, counselors, admissions officers, etc. Feel free to PM me!

@peytonmg Thank you so much for offering! Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I would prefer someone who’s gone through the college admissions process - just to ensure that my work won’t be plagiarized. I don’t mean to accuse you or insinuate anything, but I’m just hoping an experienced CCer would offer some help. All the best with your applications, dude!