<p>I took DS to tour several colleges recently, and he fell head over heels in love with one of them. Started calling it "my school" after the tour. While I'm very happy he found a school he resonates with, I'm concerned he won't look at any other schools now with an unbiased eye. He will use Dream School as his yardstick by which all others are measured.</p>
<p>I know there's someone out there who has experienced this. How should I handle this? Obviously he has to look at and apply to more schools than just Dream School (which I believe is a match but he would be applying to a program with higher rigor, so it may be a slight reach).</p>
<p>Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>Tell him he needs to apply to four schools at least…and two have to be guaranteed admission schools for him based on his stats.</p>
<p>Our DD fell in love with a college when she was in 8th grade. She said we didn’t need to take her on college visits at all. This went on until 11th grade when she announced “I don’t want to go to college there.”</p>
<p>Things can change…just saying.</p>
<p>My older daughter is currently a college freshman. She applied and was accepted to her " dream school" as well as seven others. She was 100% sure that she would be attending this " dream school" until we went back for another visit and she decided that it was not for her.</p>
<p>Thanks thumper and twogirls, this is actually comforting. Our next college tour trip probably won’t be till summer sometime, so it’s quite possible some of the luster will wear off by then. However, he got a couple free decals from the tour guide at Dream School and stuck those on his snowboard…that seems to be a rather high level of commitment. We will see I guess.</p>
<p>DS found his dream school early and judged all other schools on it. He had to apply to a lot of schools due to finances, but kept this one in his heart. By figuring out what he loves about the school it will be easier to find other schools that “fit”.
It was a lot easier trying to find other schools that matched the criteria of the dream school once he figured out what made it so special. </p>
<p>(DS is a very happy and successful freshman at his dream school, so it can work out). Apply early if possible so there is time to fall for another school.</p>
<p>How many schools has he looked at so far? I suspect that as you continue looking at schools he will find several that he loves. Just remind him that the most important school to love is the safety school!</p>
<p>For now, just let him mull over things. See if you can him to define what he likes about the dream school.</p>
<p>On our first visit to MIT, I asked my gushing son what he didn’t like… and he said, “nothing”. But 6 months later after learning more about other schools and revisiting MIT (including classes and lunch with a student)… it was no longer high on his list.</p>
<p>DD found her dream school at 12, never wavered, attended, and loved her experience.</p>
<p>She was pragmatic enough to know that college admissions, especially to selective colleges, are not a sure thing, and did go on visits and make some attempt at other schools, though she never feel in love with any other school.</p>
<p>At the close of her admissions cycle she had seven acceptances in hand, and thank goodness, one of them was her chosen school. None of the others had the exact set of circumstances her school did.</p>
<p>As long as the student is pragmatic and knows that other schools must be explored, I think all can be well, though it is a challenging situation.</p>
<p>I can vouch for the fact that life goes on. Mine bought only one tee shirt at any of the schools we visited. He loved it, even after he was deferred, even after he was rejected. </p>
<p>He was disappointed, but he got over it. (He was realistic, though, and applied to a range of schools.) He’s at a great school, which he now also loves, but plans to apply again for grad school. Ah, young love!</p>
<p>My oldest D did the same thing as mythmom’s daughter. She fell in love with a school in 7th grade. She only saw the campus from a distance; we didn’t even walk on it. Took her back at the end of 10th grade and she told me after our tour that she would be coming to this school. She toured many other schools before the end of her junior year but none could come close. This was a selective school but she knew what she needed to do to get in. Applied early decision and knew on Dec. 1 of her senior year that she was in. She did however apply to two other schools which were both earlier action but was so happy she didn’t have to chose one of them.
Fast forward: Graduated from Dream School and loved it. I asked her at her graduation last May if she was happy she had chosen this school and she of course said Yes!</p>
<p>My D fell in love with her dream school when we visited, even though it was April and there was fresh inch of snow on the ground. </p>
<p>She never wavered and only applied to that school. She got it and is very, very happy</p>
<p>My son also focused on one very specialized school. It was a match (maybe even a safety) for him and we could afford it. He visited, knew it was for him, applied rolling admissions and was accepted in October of his senior year. He grudgingly visited one other school and applied at our insistence; he also applied to my DH & my alma mater just for fun. DS matriculated at his dream school, had a great academic and social experience, and had a job before graduation. In our case, he really did know best, even as a sophomore in HS.</p>
<p>My oldest had his favorite school from his first visits. He’s a junior there now and still quite happy. Fortunately, finances worked out. “I” made him apply to a couple of other schools anyway, but there ended up being no need. I would still do that though. Kids like making a decision come spring when everyone is making a decision.</p>
<p>Middle had an early school he liked (when oldest was looking), but then I encouraged him to look around at his many options. He found several, applied to 5 (NOT including the original school due to the weather there), then at the last minute, decided to apply to the original. After a visit (in less than ideal weather), he feel back in love with that first school and is now happy there as a freshman. He’s really, really glad he decided to apply as he had actually decided not to until talking with some relatives.</p>
<p>Youngest has his first love - then a couple of others I’ve made him find. He’ll be applying in the fall. I ALMOST feel like just sending a check to his original first love just to save time. 
He may be different though. The most recent school he “found” has vaulted high up on his list rather quickly.</p>
<p>Choices in the spring are good for the human psyche, but first loves can, indeed, be just fine.</p>
<p>Dd had a school that she talked about for a few years. Later it changed to another school that DD originally scoffed at. Then later it changed a few more times. While some kids retain their “dream schools”, some other kids will change their minds. Just insist that your kid has a mix of safeties and matches along with the dream school.</p>
<p>D1 found her dream school the summer after 9th grade. Went through the whole process looked at many schools and and she kept coming back to that one school. She chose it over what was considered a “prize” school in a difficult decision, and is now a junior with no regrets. </p>
<p>D2 found a school that she liked in February. We visited more in April, and she found a different one, that she liked better and that one was the one all others were judged against. She kept an open mind and it just solidified her feeling for that school. She went on an overnight “due diligence” visit just to be sure in the fall. </p>
<p>She applied ED and will attend this fall. </p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with using the dream school as the yardstick. Eventually, everyone has a first choice. He should definitely visit more and keep an open mind about schools that either he might like better, but also look for other schools where he could be happy. </p>
<p>However, there is a good possibility that he found his love and will not waiver. You’re not supposed to fall in love until you are accepted, but that’s easier said than done.</p>
<p>Guessing Op has already given the “money talk”. That is how much parent is willing/able to chip in as a gift toward student’s education. How student will pay any shortfall if there is one, and explaining to student about quality of life that can be affected by school debt. Too many just don’t grasp that if the point of education is a job a person likes, and having a higher standard of living, that those points can be diminished or eliminated if much of the income has to go to school debt for years, even decades.
I agree with previous posters to keep looking; things may change.</p>
<p>I’m OP-- actually money is a non-issue (we are fortunate in that regard-- saved like crazy since birth of DS), so in that sense it doesn’t matter where he goes. However (I’m sidetracking here), I’ve had people tell me DS should have some skin in the game. While I get that, my goal is to have him graduate college debt-free, since private student loans are not forgiveable in bankruptcy (and one never knows what curves life will throw).</p>
<p>Loved reading the success stories, thanks everyone! We will keep pounding the pavement, though, just to cover all bases.</p>
<p>You don’t mention whether this school would be a reach or a match, but be sure that your S applies to a safety that he LOVES, and to several matches that he loves as well. He needs to have other options in case his dream school doesn’t accept him. That’s if it’s still his dream school when the time comes.</p>
<p>BFlo, his “skin in the game” can be summer and school time earnings to cover discretionary spending and books.</p>
<p>Skin in the game can also be putting in the time and effort in high school to get grades and test scores to garner merit aid. In college, our kids’ “skin in the game” was/is to maintain the grade point needed to keep the merit scholarship as we had limits on the annual amount we could pay. Plus they needed a job to earn their entertainment money.</p>