<p>I have quite a unique situation on my hands. </p>
<p>My son, who will be attending Georgia State University this fall as a freshmen, seems to be obsessed with every college but Georgia State. Earlier this year, he was rejected by his top choice, University of Georgia, but that has not deterred his love for the school which I am fine with. Just because he didn't get accepted does not mean he can't support the school. However, things have gotten much deeper to the point where he is buying college paraphernalia from multiple colleges. I've seen him sport a couple Brown University shirts, UC Berkeley shirts, Stanford jackets, UCLA wristbands, countless UGA gear etc. He will also talk quite frequently about such schools to the point where many of his conversations are about college. I am not quite sure if this is a yearning to go to these schools or what. If it is, I'm glad he is dreaming big, if not, I don't know what to think. He sure doesn't have this enthusiasm about any Georgia State apparel! </p>
<p>This is my first college student and I don't know if this is a normal occurrence among college-aged kids or something I should pay attention to more seriously. It's his choice what he spends his money on but I just find it odd that he is buying all this college gear ex post facto. Just an observation I've been making! I don't want him to be obsessed with Georgia State, but a little more gratitude and enthusiasm would make a difference. </p>
<p>Any help would be greatly appreciated! And Happy Father's Day ;)</p>
<p>Hi there Concerned, I’m a suburban Atlanta resident with a D at UGA. I think GSU is a perfectly good school, and I know some successful people who graduated from there, as probably you do also. So I think probably your first hope should be that once your S gets into classes at GSU, and meets other students, he’ll settle down there happily. There’s an alternative path, however. A high school friend of D’s matriculated to KSU, had a change of heart about her direction during freshman year and managed to put together the grades and credits to accomplish a transfer to UGA. So if your S really, really wants to graduate from UGA, a transfer may be possible.</p>
<p>Transferring colleges is a disruption and apt to be costly in multiple ways (time, money, relationships). It makes sense if a student changes direction and wants a field of study that’s not available at their school, or if they really don’t fit in there and are unhappy. If it’s just about the cool factor, which your S’s focus on gear seems to suggest, then there’s likely more question about whether they have the academic motivation necessary for putting together an eligible transfer transcript. With your S, it sounds like probably only time will tell. Sympathy!</p>
<p>It’s normal. Kids in my high school frequently take on apparel of other schools besides their own. As for myself, I enjoy talking to other people about their college choices and the colleges themselves because I’m interested and I learned alot about them in the college process. Currently, I only have one piece of apparel from my actual school. However, I would raise red flags if he seems to complain or publicly say negative things about his college, then I’d sit down and have a talk to him. He’ll likely get over it once he attends and meets some people. If he really doesn’t think it is a good fit after a full 2 semester, then I’d sit down and seriously look at his choices, but it looks like now this could just be a phase.</p>
<p>@weatherga He is already discussing transferring before giving GSU a fair shake. He has multiple AP credits but I’ve told him, that doesn’t guarantee a smooth transfer. And I agree, he’s already made many GSU friends through Facebook and he would be giving those up as a transfer. It does seem to me that he mostly wants to go for prestige and because his high school friends are going. He’s gone as far as to tell everyone (online and in-person) that he is going to UGA which I am not exactly happy about.
Like you said, we shall see after this upcoming school year! </p>
<p>@shawnspencer He and his sister frequently talk about college choices as she is an upcoming junior and looking at very prestigious colleges (which I believe is also making my son insecure about Georgia State). We’ve had our fair share of red flags already, unfortunately. He goes as far as to say Georgia State is a “bad school” or “beneath him” which is clearly not the case. I’m hoping this is just a phase and everyone will be content soon enough but we’ll see…</p>
<p>I would be concerned too. I think he should be at that point in time to have put his rejection behind him. It’s fine and healthy to be disappointed after being rejected from your dream school. However, I would possibly see this as a warning that his obsession is caused by depression. If you already have had your share of red flags in the past have him talk to a therapist. There’s no harm in checking to make sure his transition into freshman year goes as smoothly as possible. Good luck.</p>
<p>@Goldenwillow Hmm. I was hoping that it wouldn’t be some form of depression but it’s been almost two months since the rejection off the waitlist and the open disappointment is still very present. I think for now we will wait for freshmen year to begin and hope that shakes off some of the bad feelings. </p>
<p>I’d be concerned as well. Prestige seeking is a typical teen occupation. However, at this point, he should be excited about college - his college. Time for a sit-down discussion. </p>
<p>I agree with the above posters that this would probably be a time to intervene and talk to him. Telling people that he is going to a different school than he is a definite red flag. Perhaps talk to the sister as well, as hearing it from her may help alleviate his worries about attending GSU and she could tone down the college talk around him. Prestige is not all that matters in life and he should know that. Talk about how proud you are of him. There are some great things about GSU that he would overlook if he attended elsewhere. It’s time to put the past behind him and go towards exciting experiences ahead of him</p>
<p>If you know what some of his interests are, perhaps even go as far as looking at some of the cool organizations on campus and put them in touch with him. or just showing him what the amazing things he’d be missing out on. dwelling on a rejection is no way to go into a college.</p>
<p>I remember your previous thread. Is your son living at home this fall or on campus? If he is living at home, he may not view it as really “going to college” and yearns for that experience. Hence the talking and thinking about other schools. </p>
<p>I’m sorry for his disappointment and maybe a transfer plan would be okay but not at the expense of putting some effort and enthusiasm into his current situation first. What you’ve said is cause for concern. If he is really trying to live an alternate life, telling people he is going to a different school is maybe not harmless. At the least trying to keep up such a ruse and double life may cause an enormous level of stress. And distrust by those who find out. It seems he is putting too much self worth on which school he is going to. Hope you can figure out how to help him sort this out. Maybe he does need some extra help/evaluation right now since he has had time and not over it.</p>
<p>I don’t know if it is the right thing to do to discuss transfer now, but another thing to do would be to plan and explore what opportunities there are at his college and how to take advantage of them for his own enrichment and help him look like a great applicant for transfer.</p>
<p>Having a cornucopia of college shirts, etc is not unusual. Give it time, and let him see how he adjusts to GSU. Many of the GSU students meet up with and socialize with other Atlanta undergrads (from Emory, Ga State, Clark Atlanta, Morehouse, Mercer, Oglethorpe, Agnes Scott, etc). And as others have said, he can likely, and many do, transfer if he desires. Good luck!</p>
<p>My question would be where he’s getting the money to shell out on all of this “other school” paraphernalia? Either he’s burning down the income he should be saving for college expenses, or his allowance is too big. That is the talk I’d have with my kid.</p>
<p>I’d also sit my kid down and discuss the whole “I’m too good for University X thing.” If he really, truly believes that, he should take a gap year and re-work his application list.</p>
<p>@shawnspencer I’ve talked to my daughter in passing about this issue but I suppose it is time, like @Knoxpatch suggested, to have a discussion. He attend freshmen orientation at State on the 30th so we are hoping that the experience will be a final push in the right direction. We are hoping there he can find clubs he’s interested in and students he’s been talking to online. I wholeheartedly agree, his dwelling is by no means a great start to this major life chapter. </p>
<p>@intparent Unfortunately, we were not able to make the dorm situation work in time due to finances and so he will be living at home for the fall semester. We are hoping to have things sorted out to make the dorm option available for spring. But I agree, living at home isn’t exactly the full college experience and there will probably be some days where he doesn’t come home and dorms with friends and I think I can live with that. I just feel once he reaches Georgia State, all will be at ease…</p>
<p>@BrownParent Hopefully the orientation will change the mood! We will probably have a discussion about the deceiving because that is definitely not acceptable. </p>
<p>@jym626 We are holding out hope that time really is the cure and with all the incoming GSU events, he finally finds his niche in college like any college student does! </p>
<p>@sitamom I am worried about this on many levels. As a GA resident, I see this often, smart achieving kids who don’t get into UGA. While HOPE has improved the reputation of UGA and Tech (though Tech was already in a good place pre-hope), the impact on the other state schools has been much slower than many anticipated. Lots of smart kids go to GSU, but it is a very different school than UGA. He is going to have to work much harder to get involved and make it feel the same as UGA would. </p>
<p>I am concerned, as well, that you are sending a mixed message by being willing to pay for dorming from day one at UGA and not at GSU. You need to be equally supportive of GSU as you would have been for UGA.</p>
<p>And not to worry you, I have seen a large number of kids in the last 6 years who wash out of their second choices. I think sometimes this is because they believe their college is beneath them and they don’t work hard enough. You need him to have his head in the game, not just for transfer reasons, but to protect HOPE. </p>
<p>If still isn’t excited after orientation, perhaps you need to step back and consider alternatives. </p>
<p>@happymomof1 He has a job at the Home Depot and sells T shirts online. For the most part, we do let our children buy what they want with their own money as part of personal responsibility. We do have a separate account for college. However, if accounts really takes a dip, we’ll be on them like flies on honey! </p>
<p>A gap year has been discussed but I think everyone has agreed to just start college! </p>
<p>@lastminutemomtwo Thank you for your response. I fully agree that the main goal in the end is to work hard no matter where he goes in order to keep the HOPE. He has mentioned that he would like to join many sports and activities at GSU which we took to meaning growing enthusiasm so hopefully that is the case. </p>
<p>At the time of his waitlist notification at UGA, he had told us he would be fine living at home since the commute is 30 minutes and “GSU was not his top choice anyway”. However, if he still wants to dorm for the spring semester and beyond, we are willing to make that option available. If a transfer happens post freshmen year, that is fine too.</p>
<p>I’m hoping (crossed fingers) that a combination of our home environment and college environment will keep head over water for a great freshmen GPA. </p>
<p>This could have been written by one of my good friends several years ago. Her son was turned down by the state flagship, so he lived at home and commuted to a directional state U for a year. His stated goal from the get go was to transfer to the flagship. He went to classes, studied and kept his HS fast food job that first year. He didn’t even try to connect emotionally with the directional. He focused and worked for excellent grades and was able to transfer to the flagship after one year. He is very happy now. </p>
<p>@eastcoascrazy What a great story! I’m glad your friend’s son was able to achieve his goal! Although we are hoping my son does connect to GSU in a way, we would be just as happy to seem him happy at UGA or any other college he may transfer to. Again, thank you for sharing! I hope we have a similar situation!</p>
<p>Since he is not attending yet, there is no way for him to know if he loves the place or hate it.
If he hates attending there, then he will have to transfer. There is no problem, many go thru similar experiences.<br>
“enthusiasm about apparel” is indication of NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL! He has no clue whatsoever, none!!!</p>
<p>I’ve seen this too. As Eastcoas indicated, have him use it as motivation to excel and reach his intended goal. Unfortunately, UGA or the other schools is a stamp of legitimacy which he did not receive. Now he has a firm goal in mind and will work for it. Make lemonade.</p>
<p>My niece was in a similar situation. She ended up transferring to UGA after her freshman year. Unfortunately, once she transferred she was unable to get into the college she wanted to, had to change majors, stay an extra semester and then get a master’s to peruse her original chosen occupation. She was told by the direction U that it was almost certain that she would be accepted into the college or education with her grades. If she stayed where she was she would have finished in 4 years with no debt. So, be careful.</p>