<p>Many new freshmen have no friends for the first weeks, or even months. Let alone someone they feel they can impose upon to nurse them through an illness or arrange transportation to a hospital.</p>
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<p>Honestly? No, I can’t imagine feeling ill enough that you couldn’t make it to a dining hall or a pharmacy. I’ve had the flu once in my life; beyond that, to me, “feeling ill” means feeling under the weather, but nothing that a box of kleenex, some lozenges, chicken soup, and take-it-easy doesn’t take care of. I’m being totally serious here. That’s not to say other people don’t / can’t get that sick, but (knock on wood) that just doesn’t describe any type of contagious / respiratory illness my kids and I have ever had. Maybe we’re just incredibly fortunate.</p>
<p>^It is one of responsibility of young adult to get to know people as soon as possible. Yes, they will not be comfortable asking them. That is why they have to know more than one, so that they ask another person if they have to go to ER again. D. did not want to bother first person who took her in, she asked somebody else second time around. There is no other way. Not all parents live 2-3 hrs from their school, there are no people who are responsible for student’s well being, they are on their own and some of them would be better off going to school in their home town.</p>
<p>There’s so much we don’t know about this situation, including some feedback about whether or not the student felt capable of managing this herself. It’s been nagging me that with all the talk of Ferpa- and the freedoms students enjoy-there can be an expectation a student in a minor position would contact parents. </p>
<p>When D2 was ill and visited the health ctr, there was some mixup with her forms; the nurse asked my dau’s permission to speak with us. (We had also called while D was there.) In many respects, a student is not considered a “child.” I could only see the tuition billing because I had D’s id. Same for grades.</p>
<p>The college has a nurse on duty 24/7 and 4 beds. And, what the health center offers was made clear to us, from the get-go. Including the proximity of a hospital and when they would send a kid there. When D1 started, H1N1 was running around, so we also learned about how this would be handled. </p>
<p>Many families might want to check health services, for their kids’ colleges.</p>
<p>ps. OP’s dau’s roommate could have checked in, even by cell.</p>
<p>"No, I can’t imagine feeling ill enough that you couldn’t make it to a dining hall or a pharmacy. "</p>
<p>-You must be joking. My D. almost passed out in ER, she literaly started falling over. You want this person to drive. She could not reach for her laptop on her bed while laying in her bed, she simply could not move, period. I have not ides how she got into the car, when somebdoy drove her to ER. Dehydration will do it to you very quckly.</p>
<p>PG - Of course they get that ill. D came down with H1N1 during her first few weeks at school two years ago. (A fellow student had already died of complications of the disease.)
D had to call a cab to take herself to an ER for evaluation/treatment as Student Health Services close on Friday for the weekend. (I assume they close so the university doesn’t act as a drunk tank all weekend.)
And yes, your family has been very lucky.</p>
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<p>The survival instinct can be very strong. I imagine it is a rare occurrence that a student expires in his/her dorm room for lack of obtaining help in some fashion.</p>
<p>Regardless of the gravity of the student’s situation, I still don’t understand the need for the RA’s intervention, unless the parent has repeatedly been unable to reach the student by cell phone. The parent can call a cab or ambulance from 3,000 miles away. I did it once (called the cab) to get my D to the airport on short notice.</p>
<p>Privacy laws also have to be considered before a college can contact a parent about a medical issue. During her senior year my daughter had a severe asthma attack in one of her math classes. The prof had one of her classmates run to the dorm room to fetch her nebulizer, and when that didn’t work contacted health services. They would not have called me, but my kid did, bearly able to talk, to try to get me to tell them to cancel the ambulance call - she was worried about expenses and wanted a friend to drive her the ten miles to the hospital instead. I made her take the ambulance ride…</p>
<p>Another vote for not the RA’s job. Kid already has a mother and if you are that worried over an minor illness don’t expect everyone else to be so.</p>
<p>How am I joking, MiamiDAP? I specifically said that we haven’t (knock on wood) ever gotten so sick that anyone would ever have to “check in” on us or that we would be incapable of walking to a pharmacy or the like. I’m sorry that happened to your daughter and I’m glad all was taken care of.</p>
<p>If there was a medical emergency – “come quick, my roommate is fainting, she’s disoriented, etc.” I would expect the RA to offer assistance (if not personally, to contact the appropriate people, whether campus police / security or health services). But no, not a check-in for a respiratory illness where the student likely most needs just tissues, a blanket, and some sleep.</p>
<p>The RA did check in once a day for two days.</p>
<p>She’s not a nurse.</p>
<p>Minor or not, they had to know what to do when they need to ask for help. They need to know who to call and when go to emergency, they have to know the signs. If they do not go to the bathroom for whole day, they got to get to ER, sure sign of dehydration, they can die from it. They have to know all their allergies and few medical phone numbers to call and be persistent about it. It is funny that when my D. called ER, they ask why she needs to be there, She told them straight, she needed an IV, period. Some cannot stand for themselves even in their 20’s, you got to tell them over and over and over. By 40, they seem to understand that sometime their lives and their family lives in their own hands, if they do not react, nobody will be able to help.</p>
<p>^All true, MiamiDAP, but are there really many 18-year-olds who wouldn’t call a family member if they were seriously ill and didn’t know what to do?</p>
<p>I’d guess that the RA didn’t respond directly to the OP’s email because she was caught off guard by the request and wasn’t sure how to respond; hence the forwarded email to the supervisor. I can imagine it would be rather difficult to craft a reply when what you’re thinking is, “Are you kidding? I already checked in on her, which isn’t my job anyway.” </p>
<p>It never occurred to me that the RA should or would have any role when my D was ill while living in the dorms.</p>
<p>Regardless, I sympathize with the OP’s worries about her ill D away at college and wish them both well.</p>
<p>Whew…thanks for all the feedback. I honestly didn’t know what were realistic expectations given the circumstances. That’s why I started this CC thread, a first
for me.</p>
<p>I went to college so long ago, lived in dorms as undergrad in NY and CA, but don’t
remember what RA’s did.</p>
<p>I truly appreciate the discussion, I think one of the earlier comments mentioned the RA maybe should have as a “courtesy” checked in on my D. </p>
<p>So I looked up some definitions of courtesy-“respectful act or expression”
[Courtesy</a> - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary](<a href=“http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/courtesy]Courtesy”>Courtesy Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster)</p>
<p>Yeah, I thought that was, at the least, a reasonable expectation given the circumstances. </p>
<p>My D is now fine, thankfully, but the possibility of her having gotten sicker, or this happening to others with a ‘not really my problem’ institutional mindset at her school
was unexpected. When you live a seven hour drive from a sick freshman the first week of school and realize how unprepared you are for this, there is a feeling of helplessness.</p>
<p>The irony of all this is the university devotes a tremendous amount of resources to her academic and athletic success (she is a recruited DI athlete). Advisers, tutors, scheduled study halls, coaches, assistant coaches. </p>
<p>Is there a hole in the safety net at her university? Well, I think so.</p>
<p>"^All true, MiamiDAP, but are there really many 18-year-olds who wouldn’t call a family member if they were seriously ill and didn’t know what to do? "</p>
<p>-They may call much later than they should call the right numbers. You cannot do anything if you are 10 hrs away. They have to find somebody to transport them to place where they can get help. You might be out of country with bad recpetion, you might be at home with bad recption, it has happened several times. They have to be prepared for emergency, calling you when they are passing out might not be very helpful</p>
<p>OP,
She will be out of dorm next year or in her junior year. No RA. She may or may not have somebody at her place when she gets very ill. It has happened, and every single time there was no plan, no numbers to call. I was accessible, I had to direct. Tell her now, repeat at every occasion, please. As I have mentined, I ended up coming, but what if I could not?</p>
<p>The RA did check in, as a courtesy. And saw that all was well. </p>
<p>Yes, I suppose any respiratory illness could take a turn for the worst, but really, I don’t think an RA should be expected to check in with all students who have a cold or are feeling under the weather because it <em>might</em> turn worse. People get colds, they feel ill, and it’s not the RA’s job to ensure that every cold doesn’t turn into raging pneumonia any more than it’s the RA’s job to monitor that every student who goes for a bike ride comes back onto campus safely.</p>
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<p>If a health crisis had occurred and no one responded, I think you’d have a stronger case.</p>
<p>Situations like these are a good reminder that during a child’s high school years, parents should help them gradually assume responsibility for many things, including managing their health and dental care. (Have the student begin making their appointments, fill or refill their prescriptions, etc…)</p>