<p>My S, a jr., is 2.5 hours from home but visits home have been few and far between, basically the regular school holidays plus a few random weekends here and there and has never come home when sick. He has not been home since June.<br>
That being said, he also had no desire to go out of state for school when he could get what he wanted close to home. He is happily independent but not too far from home. Just be warned...close to home does not guarantee lots of visits!</p>
<p>Myau -- it sounds to me like you are projecting a lot of your personal anxieties onto your d.... and not being entirely clear about it either. I am also in NorCal, with kids who do not like SoCal and were reluctant to apply there... and I agree with them -- I don't like it there either. (Too much driving!) I'm glad my daughter is attending school in NYC, where owning or driving a car is both unnecessary and out of the question -- it saved me money with both kids to be able to drop the car insurance when they went off to college. I felt it was easier & safer for my daughter to fly home from NY than for my son to drive down the coast from the college he transferred to -- a 5 hour drive, less time than the plane flight from NY but I worry more when he's on the road. When my d. is in the air I use flight tracking web sites to keep posted as to her trip progress & free email/text message options to let me know exactly when the plane has touched down.... so in many ways, it feels "closer". I just sent my d. a gift of a web cam -- they are quite inexpensive -- so I look forward to trying it out to see if I can have live chats with her in her dorm room. </p>
<p>Last year my d. had an emergency come up within days after returning to college after winter break -- a very close friend was tragically killed in an auto accident, and she wanted to come back for a memorial service. I was able to easily find a cheap flight to book for her return -- and again, I felt safer with her flying than driving. (Given the circumstances, I'm sure I would have been an emotional wreck worrying about either of my kids on a long drive that weekend -- the car accident that killed my d's friend was horrendous & also killed two other teens in the car with them).</p>
<p>Again -- please focus on the real issues with your daughter. She is the one going to college. If you want to place restrictions on distance, then do so directly and state what they are. I'm thinking your daughter may be choosing safeties closer to home out of a sense that it is not worth it to travel a great distance to attend a college with weaker academics, and that she might be very unhappy to find herself stuck far away from home at a college that is not a top choice. But when she looks at colleges that are more attractive to her in terms of their offerings (but also more selective and academically challenging) -- then maybe she is far more comfortable with stretching her wings. </p>
<p>If you communicate openly and honestly with your d., including confessing your own fears and anxiety, you will be laying the foundation for an improved relationship that will pay off later in terms of the quality and frequency of communication you have when she is off at college - whether that is geographically near or far.</p>
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<p>If you communicate openly and honestly with your d., including confessing your own fears and anxiety</p>
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<p>As I stated above, that's exactly what I do. ;)</p>
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<p>If you want to place restrictions on distance, then do so directly and state what they are.</p>
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<p>And if I don't? ;) Or rather - what if my restrictions are something "don't go too far for something you can find closer" ... or "BEFORE you explored everything available closer"?</p>
<p>BTW, thanks for the insight about "flying vs. driving" safety. I do have anti-flying anxiety AND can't imagine my D driving long-distance (she is still learning for her driving license, so it's unlikely she will start to drive to and from college right from the beginning - no matter where she ends up).</p>
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- what if my restrictions are something "don't go too far for something you can find closer" ... or "BEFORE you explored everything available closer"?
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You can say that but I think that's rather vague if you don't define what the "something" is. For my d., 2 very important "somethings" were (a) not California, and (b) major-city urban (preferably NY or Chicago). Nothing nearby met either of those two tests.</p>
<p>But my D's "somethings" are just as vague as mine ;). She'd love to be near big cities (most of her OOS choices are) but one of her safeties is UCD - and she refuses to look at UCSB, USC and UCI.</p>
<p>LOL, it's been year's since I lived in southern CA, but I think Irvine is a wasteland. USC is not my style of University (though it's got a very good architecture school so I should have looked at it), and I like Santa Barbara for visiting, but wouldn't particularly want to live there. OTOH I loved LA/Pasadena, much to my surprise. My son didn't want to live anywhere hot (but surely would have been happier in Houston with A/C than Pittsburgh without), or in red states.</p>
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<p>or in red states.</p>
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<p>???</p>
<p>red states= those that vote predominantly Republican.</p>
<p>My kids are blue-staters all the way as well.</p>
<p>I do want to point out that if your daughter's main focus is on urban campuses, you will find that the "distance" factor may be significantly less of a problem than some in-state options located in more rural areas. A little more costly, perhaps - but not so much when you factor in fuel and wear-and-tear costs on a car, especially if it means you would be driving a round trip from your home each time to take your d. to school or pick her up. </p>
<p>It seems to me that your daughter has some great choices with UCD as a safety -- that also certainly is a college that can meet her academic demands as well. I honestly don't see why she really would need more in-state options. If finances would be an issue even at a UC (you mentioned the need for a financial safety), then perhaps she could back that up with a CSU - maybe Sonoma State? (Based on her rejection of USC I'm assuming she probably wouldn't want Humboldt either).</p>
<p>(Side note: the night of the 2000 presidential election, CNN broadcast a map all evening. As each state's poll results came in, if they voted such that their electoral votes would go to Gore, the state turned blue; for Bush they turned red. People noticed patterns, such as the two coasts being blue, and the West and South mostly red. Ever since then I've heard people refer to "red" or "blue" states, with the idea 1that red is conservative, blue is progressive, or as we used to say more readily, liberal.)</p>
<p>Back to topic...</p>
<p>Back off... Of course the reality is that all those states are really much closer to purple. Here's an interesting set of red/blue maps: <a href="http://www-personal.umich.edu/%7Emejn/election/%5B/url%5D">http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/</a></p>
<p>And back on... I agree there's a lot to be said for good connections. Pittsburgh is a long 6.5 hour drive from us, but an easy and cheap direct flight. ($150 round trip.)</p>
<p>back off topic...Mathmom, I love that first cartogram in your link, <a href="http://www-personal.umich.edu/%7Emejn/election/%5B/url%5D">http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/</a></p>
<p>To me, it looks like a Buffalo! Also it reminded me the Northern Midwest states were originally "blue" and not just the 2 coasts. </p>
<p>I recall having my mind broadened by discovering a map by Peterson that mapped the globe by population and centering Africa and Asia mid-page, not split apart on the sides of the page. Quite a difference to a Westerner like me.</p>
<p>BACK ON TOPIC.. Distances and costs are worth revisiting. I used to measure everything by car miles until our kids began to live so far away we needed planes. So I noticed, for example: Recently I spent less to fly 3,000 from Buffalo to San Diego than it costs me to fly instate down to New York City
(buying discount tickets months ahead and flying at 6:00 a.m.). Also, it can cost less to fly than to drive, if you're travelling between two popular cities, especially with gasoline costs so high. Air ticket prices are all warped now, determined (in part) by the marketplace of numbers of air travelers wanting that travel route, not the numbers of miles. This is obvious to frequent flyers, but wasn't to me as a parent. </p>
<p>If someone's worried about distances when putting colleges on their list, try dialing up Expedia.com or Orbitz.com, just to compare what it costs to fly to the city you're considering. Try plugging in a hypothetical date but not next week -- put in one with months' advance notice (which you often have for students on fixed academic calendars). WHen I did this, I was so surprised at the results that I consented to let my youngest apply on the West Coast, realizing it could be affordable after all. The Christmastime prices or Thanksgiving can be more manageable with much advance warning. September, Spring Break, and mid-May when students also need to travel home are opportune dates for finding deals on air tickets. So the issue comes down to spending lots of time in airports, which most students handle better than their parents. </p>
<p>Parents of h.s. students imagine that first drive off to college, which only happens once. After that, a student might come and go more easily and sometimes more cheaply by air than by your car. WHen they share rides, of course, they bring down costs significantly, but if they're taking their car to and from, it can be costly. On many campuses, students with cars advertise spaces to share gasoline costs, so that helps bring it down for those who'll drive to and fro. </p>
<p>I'm only arguing for people to research the travel costs before forbidding a distant college based on travel costs alone. Emotions about distance are a whole 'nother story. </p>
<p>Ask me in a few months, but after just a few weeks I feel exactly the same about my kid being 3,000 miles away as the other two who were at 350 miles.
When they're not here, they're not here but the # of miles inbetween isn't
making an emotional difference yet. We'll see. I'm glad he got his dreamy choice in SoCal, available only by plane. I miss him equally (and am coping equally) as when the older 2 went close to Massachusetts and Ohio by car, bus or train.</p>