<p>My mom is someone who didn't have much of a choice of where she wanted to go to college. Her mom gave her the choice to go to either Texas Tech or some other small school in Texas (her home state).</p>
<p>Since I'm an upcoming senior and entering the college process myself, she seems to believe that it's logical to apply to all of these top-tier schools and not come up with any safeties.</p>
<p>I, on the other hand, face reality and understand that I'm not going to get into most (if not all) of those top schools, so I have come up with a more realistic list of colleges that I'm interested in. However, when I mention these colleges to my mom, she straight up says "No" if they're not schools like UPenn (her favorite and probably the most unrealistic) or USC.</p>
<p>On my list, I've compiled schools like UMich, UT Austin, and other schools of the sort because I plan on majoring in business. When I mention my safeties to her (U of A & Arizona State), she straight up says "We're not applying to those schools. You don't need any safeties." Yet and still, I keep trying to explain to her that I have a measly 3.4 GPA, and she seems to think that since I'm an URM (African American), I have an automatic "in" anywhere I apply.</p>
<p>Should I be listening to her more? It doesn't make sense to me to go to these impossible-to-get-into schools if they're not the right fit for me. She won't even let me apply to schools in the south, and I've tried numerous times to explain to her that I'M the one that has to spend my 4 years wherever I go - not her. But still, she's the one who has to pay the tuition.</p>
<p>So I'm stuck in a hole. Am I being more reasonable by selecting middle-ground colleges that would fit me and safety schools, or is she being more reasonable in only letting me apply to schools that she likes because she has to pay the tuition?</p>
<p>I know someone who followed her parents’ advice last year and did not apply to any safeties. She was rejected everywhere and waitlisted at 1 school. Thankfully, she eventually got into that school at which she was waitlisted. Is your mom aware of how competitive it is these days to get into college? It’s crazy not to have a few safeties in your back pocket. Do you have a guidance counselor at school who could talk to your mother? She needs some reality testing here.</p>
<p>I know a situation exactly like 4gsmom’s story. 9 rejections and 1 wait list (thankfully got in). That family was tortured for 3 months until the daughter finally got word from the wait list school.</p>
<p>Your mother could not be more wrong. I have been working with families through this process for nine years. As every year goes by, I becoming more and more a zealot about a sound application strategy. In fact now, I won’t work with a family at all if they are proposing what your mom is describing. It’s a recipe for heartache and disaster.</p>
<p>Always, ALWAYS have at least 1 safety school, 4-6 core schools, and then you can add the stretch schools on top of those. The safety and the core schools are the foundation of your search. Never skimp on those applications.</p>
<p>Have your mother read these boards for a couple of days. Show her the acceptance statistics, both for all students and for URMs. She’ll likely change her mind. </p>
<p>If she doesn’t, is it possible for you to apply to at least 1 safety anyway, without her knowing? Can you cough up the application fee on your own? Then come April, you’ll have at least one place to go.</p>
<p>Another option is to apply to Penn or another school ED (if you want to go there if you do get in), or to other schools EA. You’ll know by December if Mom’s being realistic because you get in, but if you don’t get in, it’ll give Mom a real reality check. Just have the rest of your applications complete so you can just hit Send in December.</p>
<p>Is $ an issue? I ask because I looked at your list and I think you have a very good chance at USC, BC and UVA (and maybe Michigan). If you can apply to one EA, you will have an admissions safety. But what I don’t see is a financial aid safety-- a school that you know you can afford financially (like a Cal State). I do think you need an admissions safety also. It is possible just to wait and apply to AZ or AZ State if you don’t get in anywhere-- but let your mom know that the later in the year, the harder it is to get accepted to a rolling admissions school.</p>
<p>I would disagree with your mom on the importance of safeties. You want to prepare yourself well for the worst case scenario, instead of ending up taking an involuntary gap year just because you didn’t have any safeties. If possible, try to direct her to this thread. She might be more understanding if she hears it from other people instead of her precious kid.</p>
<p>ask her what you have to lose if you apply to a couple safeties. Heck, you might be able to get the application fee, if there is one, waived even. Your mom seems to have some huge entitlement complex when it comes to being a URM but thankfully that seems to have skipped you. Theres nothing wrong with applying to some reaches and hopefully you’ll get into one, but do whatever you have to, including lying to your parents, to at least apply to a couple safety schools that you’d both like and would be of similar cost to the ones she’s pushing you to. Apply to the “acceptable” schools and save the information she gives you that you’ll need for the safety schools, then apply to them behind her back.</p>
<p>my dad was the exact same way, i was applying to the top LACs and he frankly would not let me apply to any school below the top 20s LACs and Dartmouth. My counselor helped me find safeties and I applied to them anyway despite his opinions. Even though I had good stats it was a competitive year and I didn’t want to be stuck without a school come May.</p>
<p>Unless you have parents that understand who you are and support you no matter what choice you make it’s better to just ignore them. my parents didn’t even know where i was applying except for my mom who was super supportive but didn’t get involved. i left them out of the whole process. the only time they “helped” me was when they kept me from going to cali to visit pomona because they thought it was stupid i was considering it along with my ivies</p>
<p>I think you should have a safety. I myself plan to apply to Arizona State University, University of Arizona and University of Colorado-Boulder ( or at least one of the three). They all originally started off as safeties, but I’m actually starting to like these schools. You also should apply to these universities when you apply to the schools you see as non safeties also.</p>
<p>you should probably have a safety or two. Also, if you let your parents have too much of a say in your college process, you will regret it. My parents limited me to applying to schools in new england, which i regretted immediately.</p>
<p>It ideally should be a give and take, dual input scenario.</p>
<p>Specifics like finances are in most cases a family type decision, and both parent(s) and students need to be aware of the full financial aspects of researching what MAY be available in terms of scholarships, grants, institutional and federal aid. Each school has different parameters, and pegging financial as well as academic (or artistic talent based) safeties is not always a no brainer.</p>
<p>Considerations of costs versus post graduate study and how it might be funded also play a part in undergrad choices for many.</p>
<p>Not applicable in your case, but in the case of performance/arts majors, students may well be far more in tune with reality in terms of program choices than parents, or guidance counselors. The performance/audition/portfolio submission based acceptance adds a whole different dimension to the selection process, and often destroys the “norms” of the conventional application process.</p>
<p>Do your research, and arm yourself with info. Be prepared to defend your choices, and remember it should be a dialogue, and not a confrontation. </p>
<p>Parents may also suffer from being out of touch with the current realities of the admission processes. Some are also wrapped up in preconceived notions Educate them as well as yourself. It is important all involved stay flexible, and objective.</p>
<p>No safeties? It sounds like she wants you at a top school for her own personal reasons, not yours. </p>
<p>Being URM, especially with a 3.4, does not make it easy for you to get into top schools. Applying to a ton of top schools doesn’t increase your chances of getting into one.</p>
<p>I’d sit down and have a serious talk with her. Show her how difficult it is to get into top schools. Also, let her know that it’s YOUR admissions process, not hers. Go where you think you’ll be happy, not where she wants you to be.</p>
<p>I have to agree with most here. Your parents’ frame of reference may be out of date and they may not understand how hyper-competitive the admissions process is now. It is also difficult, as a parent, to seperate your own ego from your kid in the college selection process. You seem to have a very reasonable approach to safeties, and you should follow through – even if you have to apply on the sly.</p>
<p>The cardinal rule of CC is Love thy safety. A true safety is a school where you stand a good chance if admitted, you are happy to attend and is a financially feasible option for your family. You and your mom need to take a bottoms up approach to selecting your schools. </p>
<p>Choose a safety (if you choose well, you only need one), preferably something either EA or rolling admissions, so that you have something under your belt. After that, apply where ever you want. But keep in mind, when it comes to URMs and AA males are woefully under represented, you may get a wink on your scores, but your GPA is representative of the work you have done on a day to day basis during your 4 years of high school. </p>
<p>Don’t take the URM thing for granted because it doesn’t give you a pass and it does not mean that you get to bring anything less than your “A” game to the table. There are many out there who are kicking butt and taking names who will have comprable scores but higher gpas that will knock you out of the box.</p>
<p>Just tell your mom the facts, 75% plus of URM applicants are rejected at top colleges each year. Being a URM is a boost but it’s not a free pass like many think.</p>
<p>Not applying to safety schools is a very bad idea. On another point, however I think your mother may have a point. Being a URM indeed is not a free pass. However it does make a difference. You will be able to get into schools that otherwise you might not. Hasn’t Sotomayor herself said that she might not have gotten into Princeton if she hadn’t been a URM? There’s no shame in taking advantage of a hook if you’ve got one. So yes, do apply to safety schools but also include some reach or dream schools.</p>
<p>She completely disregards any school that I mention to her if it isn’t UPenn or USC. I’d feel alot more comfortable applying to matches and safety schools, because at the end of the day, if she only lets me apply to these “top” schools and I don’t get in anywhere, she’s going to convince me that it was my fault for not having fulfilling requirements, when I clearly mentioned to her that I need matches and safeties.</p>
<p>And even when I ask her myself, “Mom, what do you think are some good safety schools?”</p>
<p>“UC Berkeley, UCLA…”</p>
<p>The list goes on with schools of that nature. It’s just frustrating being a kid and trying to convince my mom that she’s wrong. She’s the type where she always has to be right and always has to get the final say.</p>
<p>I applaud you for sounding so level-headed and realistic about your college search. Your Mom is no doubt very proud of you and has a picture in her head of you attending a top-tier school. But, as everyone has said here, she needs a good reality check. There’s nothing wrong with applying to a few dream or reach schools, but safeties are just as important.</p>
<p>You don’t mention what state you live in (is it Texas?). Don’t discount the state universities. They are much more affordable and so many of them have great reputations and prestige. For example, UT Austin is considered a top state university. You can’t go wrong with a degree from that school and it is still very affordable. I would shy away from too many out-of-state schools (unless they are private - then it doesn’t matter). Research all of the schools in your state first and rank them in order of academics, location, cost, etc. Being an in-state resident is always an advantage. It is possible to get cheap tuition in an out-of-state, but it’s not all that common.</p>
<p>Also, you don’t really mention how much finances play into your search. Believe me, unless money is not an issue at all, it can be so stressful to have to decide between your dream school (with very little financial aid offered) or a state school (which is affordable). Good luck with your search!</p>