The fact that this girl hid her admittance from her parents, and did this process all on her own speaks volumes about the dynamics that are going on in this family. Clearly not a family that is close or shares milestones with one another.
We (parents, for the most part) are going through this process with kids/very young adults. They may not get the dollars: The difference between tens or hundreds of thousands in debt at a “top” program, vs. no debt at a small/regional program. They may not get that it’s 99% what THEY put in, and not what the program provides them. That’s why it’s important for us to help and guide our young adults through this process. That said-I understand why/how this happened, I empathize with the parent(s)…but also understand this scenario from the young person’s perspective. And I still maintain that the more that the student navigates this on their own-the more successful they will probably be. Trust me-I would LOVE for my D to have gone to one of her 2 full tuition scholarship BFA MTs this Fall: But she didn’t feel good about either choice. She couldn’t see herself there for the next four years. So-what’s the net gain and/or loss-if one chooses to re-audition, and transfer? Yes, @marg928 -the PA boonies are a looooong way from LA!!!
We were talking about potential monthly payments on debt at various level by sophomore year, and it was a great motivator for both the S and me to put aside money periodically to pay off loans before we had to. He’s going to graduate with much less than $10K in debt, thanks to his frugality and focus (and mine). We are NOT a wealthy family, just one that makes enough to sock away $500 or $1000 periodically.
Agreed that PA boonies are far from LA (although Allentown is not as far from NYC as it is from LA!). And @owensfolks, the key for us was that neither of the super-affordable options were the ones that would have challenged them to grow in the ways that they were ready to - and so, we made the choice to invest in the ones that they both felt were the places where they would thrive.
@owensfolks so is your D taking a gap year? I’m trying to keep track of everyone but I’m having a hard time! Or did you already post a decision story?
Yes, @marg928; already in list building mode 
Morning CC’ers! Just a proud theatre mom from ruralmiddle’merica here, with a proud status update. S received two local performing arts scholarships, graduated on a blustery day with a smile so big and eyes so bright I just snapped photos and didn’t have time to wax sentimental. And now today, we’re off to caravan to SEMO for a summer theatre course that will run through June 30, a week early-S is working crew for their River campus June performance series. My eldest is home from a successful first year, and he will be making the drive with me in car to split up the driving…
Wonderful! Happy summer to all of you!
Congratulations to your S! (And to you, too @momof3nerdz !) Ditto - Happy Summer!
I’m late to the party on @marg928’s seemingly impossible story, but I wanted to add a few thoughts that might help future CC parents. It sounds like there were some interesting dynamics in the family and the girl was likely omitting some major details, but it is within the realm of possibility that she didn’t know she’d received a full ride. (It begs the question, “Then how did the counselor know?”, I realize. But stay with me.) My S just graduated MCL from a small, but highly regarded LAC. He loved it and got an incredible education. So, when it came time for D to apply to college, I insisted that she also apply to the same LAC. In her mind, though, it had 3 major strikes: 1) it’s 45 minutes from home; 2) its theater program is unremarkable; and, 3) big brother cast a big shadow. But, she obliged and applied, mostly to appease me, but also because, as a fallback, she would at least get a first-rate liberal arts education.
Not long after, she received her acceptance; but unlike with her brother’s acceptance letter, there was no scholarship. I was a little surprised, but knew that she had a lower GPA than her brother, so I figured it was possible. She was just insulted. I also think, however, that she was a little relieved. It was the strongest school academically that she applied to, but due to the apparent full-price ticket, she knew she wouldn’t get any pressure from me to attend. A month or so passed, then I received a call from the admissions counselor of the college asking if I had any questions about my D’s merit and financial aid offers. I was stunned and blurted out, “She received a scholarship?” I was told that award emails went out the week before. I was so ticked off at my daughter for not telling me that I sent a snarky text to her while she was babysitting. Her response? “I got a scholarship?” Then a few minutes later, “I swear I didn’t know.” Not only had she received a scholarship, but it was bigger than the one her brother received four years earlier! Once she received the acceptance, which she believed was without a scholarship, and wrote them off, emails from them just became spam in her mind. She figured they were the typical sales pitch. It never occurred to her that there might be scholarship offers included. To be honest, it never occurred to me to keep checking. I just assumed they would send the notice with the acceptance like they did my son’s. And this wasn’t the only school that informed her of additional monies via emails that she didn’t open. Another school piled on two more scholarships, including a fine arts scholarship, without her realizing it.
So the takeaway for anyone who may read this in the future: Keep checking your email!!! Once my D was accepted to her top choice, emails from the rest became cyber clutter. Very valuable cyber clutter!
I think it’s important to have a conversation (and make a family decision) about whether or not $$ will be the determining factor. D got a nearly full tuition merit scholarship at my alma mater - but it was not the right fit for her, so we had to let it go
I generally cringe at the phrase helicopter parent, and I realized why a few days ago when I read a definition in a pseudo psychology blog on parenting styles and potential outcomes. Helicopter Parent, like many phrases du jour, is over used and applied so broadly that its original meaning is lost. In my world its most often used in a derogatory manner by parents who have a more laid back style to describe all parenting that doesn’t look like their approach to parenting or abusive parenting. They consider their own style of parenting as the middle ground of only three possible options. Those of us who are guiding our children towards well informed decision making, who are actively presenting perspectives that are clearly not in our child’s line of sight at the moment and are generally asking them to accept and trust that there are other things worth considering beyond their own and their peers somewhat linear and limited opinions, are not being helicopter parents. We are attempting to raise responsible, thoughtful adults, who can make the best decisions they can and live with the results, it just looks a little different than the way someone else might be doing it.
The newest phrase is a snowplow parent. Those are the parents who remove any obstacle in their child’s way so they experience no disappointment or difficulties.
@bisouu I hadn’t heard that phrase but see that parenting style all around. It is so harmful to the child long term. Thx for posting that.
@ANJALU well said.
@pinkbulldog I don’t think the student denied knowing she got the scholarship, she just chose not to tell her parents. I"m only guessing but the counselor probably knew because the kid reported it to her. I know my D’s high school asked for all scholarship information to be sent to the guidance counselor via email. I did all that for my D but clearly this kid took responsibility for that as she did everything else.
I feel more like a kite parent, where I can sort of see him out there, and it looks pretty amazing, but the string will probably break at some point and then who knows what will happen.
@Jkellynh17 I laughed and laughed at that! That is exactly how I feel!
Did anyone start the class of 2022 thread yet? I was just speaking to a friend of a friend whose daughter is embarking on this journey and I wanted to give her the link to it.
@marg928 just started the thread (although the MT board seems to be more active!).
Hey folks…This ? Is for families with MORE than 1 performer. My youngest, D, 2 years behind S2 who is going to SEMO for BFA Acting, just told me during a ‘career/college’-oriented discussion the other day that she really wants to go into musical theatre, but doesn’t want to ‘take away’ from her older sibling’s ‘thing’. While this was not really a surprise to me (she has come up through the same theatre experiences as older brother, had lead and strong supporting roles in youth musicals, and is also in the HS audition choir) what concerned me was not really knowing how to frame the conversation to encourage her to consider/pursue it. I think my initial response made it clear that I was supportive, and could definitely see her doing this. …it was a surprise to me, since all previous what-I-want-to-do-when-I -grow up discussions with D involved a totally different career path, so…but on a visceral level after some thought it made total sense to me. So here’s my question: I want to know what CC folks who have multiple children who are in the theatre world would suggest I could say to counter D’s argument that she doesn’t want to take away from older brother’s thing. Older brother is an actor who can sing, definitely NOT a MT kid…which really shouldn’t even matter, but I did try to suggest to my D that she would not be competing with older brother. TIA.