<p>I went to my son's open house last night. The school has the parents follow their kid's schedule while the teachers talk about the year for 15 minutes, and then you move on to the next class. </p>
<p>My H and I both came away thinking that my son is so spoiled by the consistent excellence of his teachers that it will be very hard for any college (at least any he's applying to) to meet his expectations. I am awed by the caliber of teaching he has this year. Pleased, naturally, as he'll learn a ton, but ...
All five of his teachers are the type who would have been my "all time favorite" if I'd had any one of them at his age.</p>
<p>Also, he's involved in two very visible school activities where he holds the primary leadership position, so he's feeling very much at home this year. Maybe too much at home. This is a boy, who at age 5 broke out in hives when we moved into a new neighborhood because "all of his friends would miss him."
I wonder if kids who have exceptional high school experiences for one reason or another are at greater risk for dissatisfaction later on. And what can we do to, other than talk with him about it, to ease what I think may be a tough transition?</p>
<p>My son had an excellent senior year - that seems to have prepared him very well for college and for spreading his wings. If you had less than perfect experience at college - maybe TA's with limited english, a bad roommate, and so on - you could chat about that. College isn't Disneyworld! </p>
<p>The thing about college is that it should expand your options for learning. If he is active and leading ec's , he's got a handle on this already.</p>
<p>I think that for kids who have had fantastic high school experiences, through activities and academics, and especially socially, the transition to college may not as quick and seamless as it is for kids who have had a less satisfying high school experience. After all, for the happy ones, high school is a tough act to follow. But I think that if the fit is there, kids who adored high school will hit their stride in college pretty quickly.</p>
<p>I do think, however, that there is a direct correlation between extreme <em>unhappiness</em> in high school and extreme happiness in college right from the start. After all, if you've been miserable in high school for any of a number of reasons, a new venue is going to be pretty appealing.</p>
<p>"College isn't Disneyworld." Funny, my college daughter thinks it is!.. but then her high school years were harder for her - she was always just different enough to be a half-step out of the mainstream in high school.</p>
<p>Sometimes the fact is that high school is the better experience, and that's okay. I went to a terrific high school. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time. I thought they were "too tough on us" and that they "expected too much". Then I went from a small private Catholic girl's school to a big state university and was so let down. When I choose that university, I was eager not to be noticed anymore and wanted to become "part of the woodwork" as I said at the time. I was sick of so much attention.</p>
<p>Now, more than 20 years later, I still identify more with my high school. I get their newsletters with updates of all my classmates and consider my high school years as my most productive, educationally speaking. Most of what I used on a day to day basis I learned in high school, not college. I feel absolutely no emotional connection to my university. It was a cattle drive and I was just one more animal mooing through the campus. </p>
<p>Anyway, the reason I mention all this is to reassure you, A.S.A.P. If we give our kids the impression that every experience of their lives is supposed to top the previous one, they will surely be disappointed. Some jobs are good others not so good, some relationships are good others not so good. That's life. My advise woudl be to teach your student to appreciate the wonderful experience he's had in high school. But try to do so without raising the expectations for college. </p>
<p>Thanks for the link, idad.<br>
He'll be fine,</p>
<p>And Hoyamom - very wise words. You're right. Everything doesn't have to be better than the last thing. I'm sure he'll always have very fond memories of his high school (college kids come back every year to "harrass" the teachers - he'll be one of them) but he will grow up and learn to make the most out of wherever he is. I have to have more faith in him, I guess.</p>
<p>It's actually easier to have a great college experience than a great high school experience. In college, you can pick and choose your courses and your profs; you can't do that in high school. Or, if you can, you have to go through hoops to persuade the GC, principal, etc...</p>
<p>My son had a wonderful circle of very close friends in high school that he was loath to leave. We always told him how special and unusual it is to find such a cohesive group, and not to expect that this would necessarily happen throughout life. I think the first few days of college, he felt a little lonely despite meeting many people that seemed nice, and when he indicated this, we stressed how normal this feeling was and said that it can take months or years to develop that feeling of connection. Anyway, he has since settled in really well and seems to be enjoying his new friends, but it remains to be seen whether he will be lucky enough to find that level of coziness that he had among his friends in at home. In any case, I think he will come to really appreciate the specialness of those friendships during high school.</p>
<p>Donemom:
I'm glad your son is settling in well and I hope he enjoys his classes, too..
I'm expecting that the strong bonds of friendship will be formed after freshman year when S chooses his blocking group and stays with it for the next three years. Right now, S gets along well with his suitemates and has made a few friends in his study groups. Some of the latter happen to live in his dorm, which is great. So far, the transition has been really smooth. Perhaps his previous experiences living in college dorms during the summer have helped. Best of all, he really likes his courses. He chose them well, with just the right level of challenge, but not overwhelming.</p>
<p>After 20 years of working with high school students I see this mainly with kids who excel at an extra curricular that either: 1) they can't excel at at college (go to a college where the program, usually athletic, is above their talent level) or 2) their high school program is a much "bigger deal" than it is at their college. For us, our theatre program is recognized as one of the best in the region. We have students who go to college, get in shows and are very disappointed that they are not performning to packed houses. Some of them who are attending local colleges begin to spend alot of time back at the high school working on sets, etc....trying to relive their "glory"...those who go away tend to find other things to get into!</p>
<p>Maybe my S is an anomoly...but he had a spectacular senior year in HS (after a really good junior year)...he was home for 24 hours two weeks ago, and spent 4 of those hours at the HS, where he found what he described as "concentrated love." He arrived home for fall break last night...he left at 8:45 this morning to head over to the HS to meet friends after they finish taking their SAT IIs...</p>
<p>But he absolutely loves his college life, too...he's the most amazing mixture of embracing both the old & new, and deriving as much pleasure as possible from both.</p>
<p>I think one of the most profound things he learned in HS was the self confidence to move forward, while continuing to cherish his past. He's celebrating his independence, eagerly grasping all the new and wonderful experiences and opportunities at his college--but he's building on a treasured past and solid foundation of "now." </p>
<p>So...whether it's his HS or his own innate personality, my S benefitted enormously from a fantastic HS experience, and is using it to benefit even more from an incredible start-to-college experience.</p>
<p>I would not worry about some sort of let down. The kids who do well in HS and those most likely to do well in college. Sure there is a big transition and some kids don't do well but I think that is the exception. If you need to feel better about how kids do in college, read the parent's post. Maybe only parents with positive experiences are posting, but I doubt it. These posts match what we are hearing from the neighbors with freshmen. You can also bet that not every kid found the absolutely best fit college and we also be sure that the college experiences are different and are not a recreation of the high school years.</p>
<p>I think if one's child has the social skills to form bonds with peers and teachers in HS, they will do ther same in college. Like HoyaMom, college was my least favorite educational experience, probably 'cuz I was at a large U. My S attends a small private college with many peers like him, close contact with professors, and seemed to make a smooth transition. He had the nicest group of friends in HS, and seems to remain in contact (yeah for IM). I'd expect it to be easier if attend college near to home, but not always possible if one doesn't live near an academic center like Boston. Personally, I still have closer connections to HS friends than to anyone from college.</p>
<p>Marite, glad to hear that your son is likewise making a smooth adjustment. Also with regard to your son's courses, so smart that "he chose them well, with just the right level of challenge, but not overwhelming". That, I think, is key, something my h. and I and I think the advisors to freshmen really stressed. I have heard that often, kids there over-reach, having never experienced being in over their heads, and it can make for a really tough first semester. Thankfully, I think my son was careful in that regard...he shopped his language class to make sure it wasn't beyond him (funny...he placed out of the language requirement, but decided to continue with Spanish anyway), and his "life sciences" class is for all pre-meds whether they've had AP bio or not (they have a new sequence now that combines chem and bio). Still, I think the workload kicked in very quickly,--he did mention that the balancing act between his studies and the many wonderful social/ec distractions is tricky (and he told my husband NOT to bring up the antennae for the tv, saying that he didn't want that additional distraction). So, that sounded like a mature choice...so far so good.</p>
<p>D had a marvelous time in HS, each year better than the previous. She is at the school which is her #1 choice. She is having a blast, but she is also wondering how long it takes to develop those kinds of close bonds she had with her HS friends, she knows it is too soon now, but is wondering.</p>
<p>So, even some one in what appears to be a perfect situation can wonder if it will be as good as before, even whilst having a great time. I think it is good to acknowledge that the wonderful time in high school came after years of developing relationships with staff & friends and that our kids should expect it to take a while to develop similar feelings about new friends.</p>
<p>on the other hand- while my daughter attended a fantastic high school- it was actually too small to have strong group of friends in her grade. ( grad class was 18) most of her friends that she socialized with, were either in a different class, or they attended a different school.
When she began at college- despite her hesitancy about the intensity, she was like I have found my people. She had a single dorm room, but by the time we came down for parent weekend about a month or two later, it was like she had known these kids all her life.
I wonder if one of the things that accelerated that was the common humanities class that every freshman takes. Other schools also have common threads or freshman interest groups where a group of freshmen will take most of their same classes together and meet outside of class. I don't think you need to live with the same people unless you want to, but it can be helpful to have the same study groups once you find a group that works for you.</p>