It’s your D’s essay. If she likes it, would you really want a school that doesn’t like something your D likes?
I disagree with @TranquilMind completely. It should be up to your D if she wants to disclose one of those topics and, if she does, then she should be allowed to. If she gets rejected based on revealing one of those, it’s not somewhere she wanted to go anyway. Period.
Personally, I wouldn’t hire a stranger to get my kid into college, but if you buy into that perhaps you should listen to your expert.
At this point, I think the best you can do is ask her to get an opinion from a trusted English teacher or counselor, and also present your specific comments on for her consideration. Then back off, it’s her essay and she gets to decide what to do with the commentary.
Thank you for the advice. I will suggest that she ask her English teacher to look at it. I don’t agree with the “breach of privacy” thing at all. I am paying for her applications and her college and would not leave such an important part of her application to chance. Her aunts and my good friends are there to help (I am a single parent), and I’m so glad to have them. (To be honest, makes me laugh a little to read advice to “butt out” from a bunch of folks who have hundreds of posts on College Confidential when presumably it is their kids who are the college applicants!)
@WannaBeInMD, whose idea was it to hire the counselor in the first place? Have you been happy with the counselor’s advice in other areas up till now? Presumably you were involved in the selection process, and have some confidence in the counselor. I don’t think you’ve exactly left “such an important part of her application to chance” if you’ve gone out and hired a professional to assist with the process.
I think it’s fine to have concerns about the essay. Why not discuss them with your daughter and the counselor directly, and bring up your specific concerns? Asking to get a teacher’s opinion makes eminent sense as well. I’m sure there are many qualified people on this board who would be happy to give feedback, if your daughter asked for it. I personally wouldn’t send something as personal as an essay without my child’s permission, but I do empathize with your protectiveness.
I don’t think you need to butt out 100%, but I think many parents don’t actually know what makes a good college admissions essay. I don’t think most English teachers do either. What makes a good paper in English class, is not at all what admissions officers are looking for. It’s okay for the voice of the essay to be fairly colloquial and almost any topic can work. One admissions officer said if you dropped your essay on the cafeteria floor other students should be able to recognize it as yours.
Ouch. I would be furious if I were your daughter. It’s her application, her essay. As long as your daughter is comfortable with her essay, the topic and tone are appropriate, let her submit it. Either you trust the college counselor or you don’t.
I did not read my child’s essay before she submitted but I did ask her to have an adult read it. She found a teacher to read it which satisfied me. After she received a few acceptance letters that quoted or referenced her essay, I asked to read it. It could have used editing but her voice came through loud and clear. I’d like to think that’s what resonated with the admissions office rather than being publishable ready polished.
“a bunch of folks who have hundreds of posts on College Confidential when presumably it is their kids who are the college applicants”
I suggest you not be so quick to make those kinds of assumptions…
My DS entered college 9 years ago. He is now getting his PhD at Caltech.
I m still here on CC because 11 years ago, I started listening to the advise of parents who had already BEEN through the college application process, and were here on CC sharing what they had learned . I learned a great deal from those parents, most of whom are no longer positing.
I’m here paying it forward…
you dont want to listen?.
Its your loss, but it may also be your D’s loss too…
I hired a college counselor for D2. D2 worked on her essay over 4 months period. I probably read over 10 different drafts and 3 different versions of the essay. Along the way I gave my opinion about the essay(s). At the end when there were 2 versions, we all gave our input on which one we liked better. The college counselor, not the essay coach, had the final say (with D2’s agreement) because he wanted it to fit into the over all application.
As a current college student and fairly recent applicant, it amazes me that any parent would worry so much. Your daughter is the one who is actually attending college, it should be her work and her decision. So let her chose her own essay. I can’t imagine my parents not letting me choose the essay I sent in. I think as soon as they said some thing about the essay I would have handed them the key board and said “you do it”. Just my 2 cents. Are you going to college with her evaluate all her papers and home work?
Sent from phone
I would stay away from the english teachers - I don’t think they know best - I like the advice to just talk to the paid counselor and your daughter and discuss whatever things you might not like
The English teachers are there to help spot any grammar errors or awkward phrasing. Sorry, just assumed that was obvious. Not suggesting they (or anyone else for that matter) “know best” about these essays. The essay is supposed to reflect the applicant and therefore by definition the applicant knows best.
My daughter has done an excellent job throughout high school and did not need any help from anyone, and won’t in college. But she is applying to several ivy league schools and around here, the kids who are doing that are being buffed and polished to the max. The more money you have, the better your essay looks, and it counts big. It’s sad that it’s that way but it is. We hired a counselor because every other kid around here who is applying to these kinds of schools has one, although some of their counselors do more than just help with essays (we couldn’t afford that). A couple of years ago I would have been one to say that this only happens in a few cases, that most kids do their own applications, that kids should do it all themselves. I know better now.
I just sat through yet another college admissions presentation. Every single admissions counselor I have heard speak (probably 12 or so) has said they can almost always tell which students have had “too much help” on their essays - that the voice of a 17-18 year old is usually quite different than that of a teacher, parent, counselor, etc. - and they do consider that when reading the essays. They have said that they prefer the authentic essay that makes them want to meet the student even if it is “less than perfect” in other ways.
I have read essays from some CC students over the years. A lot of those essays from very smart students are filled with SAT words, too pretentious and serious at times. Good essay coach will help those students to let their voice come through better. Sometimes a simple “This is what it sounds like to me. Are you sure that’s what you mean?” can be helpful.
Recently D1 wrote an essay about her dance experience for a program she is applying. After I read her essay I said, “You talked a lot about how hard you worked. Did you get any joy from dance? If so, it is not coming through.”
I completely agree with oldfort, and others who are commenting on the importance of the kid’s voice being the one in the essay. This can’t be emphasized enough.
But to the OP…you hired a consultant to help,with the essay, and now you don’t seem to want to listen to the advice of that person. That makes no sense to me.
For other parents who are thinking about hiring college consultants or tutors, be involved from the very beginning. Sit in on few sessions, ask for progress report, do not wait until it is too late. You are paying for their services, know what you are getting.
Last year an English teacher reviewed my child’s essay at a school workshop (not our choice to have this done - all students had to participate) and pronounced it “completely unacceptable” because, in her opinion, it violated “rules.” For example, the essay had some sentence fragments, was not a “five-paragraph-format,” etc. I used to work in an Ivy admissions office and had a very different opinion about what was and was not acceptable. The essay was submitted to eight schools without any changes. My child was accepted at all eight.
There is a big difference between what some English teachers think is okay and what an admissions officer is looking for. Personal narrative does NOT have to follow all the “rules” - particularly in a creative narrative essay.
Now whether or not the consultant in question DOES know what admissions officers are looking for, I have no way to know. If you want an outside opinion, instead of getting one from a random teacher or a trusted friend, you can get feedback from former admissions officers who really know what they are doing. I’ve mentioned this once or twice before in other posts…try admissionscheckup (dot) com. In my opinion, it’s the closest you can get to knowing how your child’s file will be evaluated by an admissions committee. I’ve recommended it to many friends in the past and they’ve all been happy with it.
Ouch. “Buffed and polished” is the last thing the Ivies are looking for in an essay. There are 3 possibilities in an essay:
One that is so poorly written or inarticulate, or is on such an absolutely inappropriate subject, that it will cause the student to be rejected.
A standard and possibly cliched essay this is fairly well written, on a common topic, and may very well be “buffed and polished”.
An essay that stands out from the others because something about the topic, unique word choice, or perspective of the writer is intriguing to the admissions officer who reads it.
I’m sure that 90% or more of applicants to Ivy League colleges write an essay that fits category #2. A small fraction of those students will be accepted, not because the essay was great, but because it didn’t hurt. The others will be turned down, not because there’s a problem with their essay, but because Ivy League colleges turn down the vast majority of applicants, and those students didn’t make the cut.
Essay type #3 is the one that will get a few kids admitted, who would not otherwise have been admitted, but for their essay. Essay type #3 cannot be bought, nor improved with buffing and polishing – in fact, its often the rough edges that make type #3 appealing, and the most likely result of too much scrutiny and criticism is that the type 3 essay will be reshaped into a type #2.
I’m guessing that the Ivy ad coms see a lot of applications from around there that all look pretty much the same, down to their predictable type 2 essays.
Do you mind sharing what your concern is about your daughter’s essay? Why you think it’s a problem?
I think you need to understand that there is a world of difference between the type of essay that starts like this:
“I want to be a world-renowned brain surgeon because I want to use my hands to cure people of their life-threatening illnesses and spend my life serving mankind in the best way I know how.”
vs. the type of essay that starts like this:
“I cannot wait until I can crack open a skull and peel it open to see what lies inside.”
If I were an Ad Com who must read 100s of applicants’ essays, I’d prefer to read what comes after the second sentence.
Perhaps you are more used to reading essays that sound more like the first sentence in your child’s school work, but those are not necessarily suitable for college applications because they can sound generic, are deadly dull and do not say much to distinguish the applicant-writer.
See these first lines from successful Stanford applicants:
https://alumni.stanford.edu/get/page/magazine/article/?article_id=31010
These openers run the gamut, but each suggests a fascinating story is about to unfold.
I haven’t read a lot of student essays. Last year I read the one posted online by one of the students who got into all 8 Ivies and a few others. I have to say I was very unimpressed, but it really did read like an essay written by a student. It was rather boring, not a ‘grab the audience’ story, not memorable. I was like, ‘huh?’ but as I said, I’m not an admissions officer.
In the end, it’s the student’s choice. If she wants more help, she should ask for it. I think if I were the OP and really didn’t like it or the style of it, I’d ask my child to write another one and then compare the two.
I have helped my kids by editing their papers and other school work. I really REALLY try to not have a heavy editing hand, to let their styles come through. It’s difficult.