I disagree. If the federal loans make it feasible to go to college, then you do what you have to do, but I recommend avoiding all loans if at all possible. 10 years of $270+ monthly payments can be limiting, particularly for those in lower pay fields.
to the OP. It is very difficult to get data on the average amount of college debt because parent oftentimes will get money from other places (read home equity). The data you will find is generally what the student is on the hook for.
With multiple children you really need to make sure you are fair to each child. It is not appropriate to blow the load on the first one or even have the attitude that you will figure it out as you go. You need a plan. Can you afford the state flagship for all three? If not, then the bar has to be lowered. Maybe it is CC for all three. You just need to run the numbers.
@collegefam787, what are your thoughts at this point? You’ve gotten a lot of advice for your question here. 
When my oldest was in high school, the CC’s in our area were dismal and I just could not support the decision to attend. I pushed the state flagship school as a much better alternative and I admit I said things like “you are too smart for the CC system”. I also really wanted my kids to have a college experience. I wanted them to live in a dorm etc. I thought (and still do) that there were some very valuable lessons here that were not just found in books. My DS earned a state scholarship that was available to most high school kids in our state if they had the grades and it made going to the state university do-able including living on the campus that was 8 miles from our front door.
This was 10 years ago and 2000 miles from where we currently live. In hindsight some of the attitude towards the CC was my own ego BUT it was a dismal system and I don’t regret the push for the state university. However, DD who was 10 at the time her brother went off to college and who has a memory like a steel trap, reminds me of my attitude towards CC’s whenever I mention it to her as an option.
“If you look around for information on where students actually do enroll for the fall, I expect you will see many families in your community making the same afordability choices…”
It depends of course where you live. In my community a tiny minority of students attend CC. The largest cohort attend the Illinois flagship followed by other state flagships with equal or lesser ( with merit aid) costs. I live in a fairly prosperous community but every year there are families who live well above their means suddenly faced with taking on large debt for college. We lived below our means and we’re lucky ennough for that to mean that we could give our kids the gift of saying " finances for college are not an issue. You can go wherever you want" though one of my daughters friends told her that her parents said that " there’s no way who lives in a house like [Mayas daughter] can afford full pay at those schools out of pocket"
Um that’s WHY we lived in a house like ours!
Borrowed money has a sort of “lighter than air” characteristic that makes enforcing your budget a huge challenge. If you can’t pay these expenses out of pocket or out of current income, at least you can prioritize schools that offer merit aid, are in-state and lower cost.
re:CCs
These are really variable, and I can understand why some people are unhappy with their own CC options. Our local CC is particularly strong - perhaps not quite at the level of Miami Dade, but definitely the strongest CC for most majors here in Maryland. We are extremely lucky.
Thank you to all that have responded. These comments are invaluable. Oldest is graduating this year, then a junior and freshman. Oldest attends a private hs. The others public. Oldest is a big academic that loves to learn and excel. 1480 SAT 3.91uw and 4.5 w The pressures from private to go to elite schools is beyond stressful…most have money. We have had some luck financially the last couple of years but have not managed as well as we would have liked. Wish we could have a redo as I’m kicking myself. We need to sit down as a family and go over all finances and heed advice from this amazing thread. Great conversations and great resources. Hubby and I need to get on the same page. I am of the thought to attend a ug school with merit and attend grad school at dream school while hubby thinks if can get into a top school ug it opens doors and should do it. However managing that financially is a nightmare for our future. Thanks again for all the great feedback. I’m overwhelmed.
Remind your husband that if you go into a financial nightmare for the first kid, it may be a difficult conversation with your other kids to tell them that their college choices are more limited because you spent too much money on the first kid.
You really can. To qualify for the Parent Plus loans you just have to meet the minimum standard of not having defaulted on any prior government loans, not have declared bankruptcy and not be more than 90 days behind on any major debts. Most people can meet these requirements. Year after year, kid after kid.
It is not a good idea, but many people, including the former governors of Maryland and Indiana (now VP) borrowed this way for multiple kids to go to college.
I suggest you leave the options open, apply match or safety schools with strong merits, and top ranked schools. At the end of day, you can sit down as a family to decide.
“I am of the thought to attend a ug school with merit and attend grad school at dream school while hubby thinks if can get into a top school ug it opens doors and should do it.”
I am with you on this one. I attended an elite graduate school for my master’s, and there were students there from all over the place. Many had attended their in-state flagships for undergrad. What they had in common was very good grades for undergrad.
If you go too far into debt for undergrad, it closes doors (such as the “be able to afford graduate school” door).
I also agree with @ucbalumnus note #48, which is a point that has come up before. You need to figure out the most that you would consider spending, and definitely spend no more than 1/3 of that on each child.
Lot’s of great discussions on this thread. I’ll add in the suggestion to be as opportunistic as possible.
For example a semester or full year abroad can actually save you money. The private schools that D has looked at indicate that you pay the foreign school’s rate rather than your home school. At one of the school’s she’s applied to, that would be a $20K savings in tuition (I travel for work and rack up the miles, so travel costs for us are not likely to be an issue). At her top 2 (OOS publics, $45k/yr COA) we would pay the in-state rate when she’s abroad. Since she’s always planned on studying abroad for a full year, this one is a fantastic benefit for us. FSU (in-state for us) even has a First Year Abroad program where OOS students can end up getting in-state tuition after their freshman year when they spend their first year at one of FSU’s abroad campuses.
Another thing to look at, especially if your kids are considering science or engineering is the potential to participate in a co-op program. A good co-op program will ensure that participants are placed in paid positions. For the 2 OOS publics that D is looking at, she should be reasonable able to earn ~$30K towards tuition over three terms.
Apply to one or two top schools with generous aid but have a solid budget that all parties agree to. You don’t tell us finances and don’t need to but for example, Harvard advertises 10% cost for families between $60-150,000. Can you afford $15,000 if you make $150,000 as an example. Yes, this is a one shot school.
Even with merit, a state school will likely cost $12,500 in room and board.
With super stats your oldest can cash in on that at schools that will give him big merit.
You can have him apply to automatic merit schools, and also some competitive merit schools.
He should research major departments at these schools and also visit and talk to department faculty if possible.
One thing to remember, the big merit is usually only given to students that start as freshmen, not transfer students.
So, your eldest is a senior already. Ouch. Okay, the first thing you need to do is register him for the December SAT and ACT. Adding 10 or 20 points should be doable and would change his odds of scholarships.
Second, based on experience, an academic kid from an upper middle class family who attends a private high school is not going to community college - the discussion here is basically merit v. Top 40 private, but with a 1480 that student would also cost himself thousands and thousands of dollars attending CC and losing his freshman status (as well as the scholarships that go with it). So, the goal must be finding appropriate universities with strong Honors colleges and departments of interest, as well as well ranked Universities that offer merit (in particular, he should look at LACs.)
Academic-minded kids can find safeties with merit in Honors Colleges or at colleges such as Earham and Wooster.
(Baside these two, UWisconsin Eau Claire, Western Kentucky University, Grand Valley State University, UNC Asheville, UT Dallas, UMN Morris, would all be good safeties with good honors colleges. Be careful about the deadlines though!) Then you need to look at your flagship: can you pay the costs? Would your child be eligible for scholarships there? That would be one step up from the previously named colleges. Run a lot of NPCs.
Can you start the belt-tightening now and start saving?
If you didn’t get any applications in for EA Nov. 1 you really need to get some financial safeties added to the list and applications in right away. With the next student a Junior, would your eldest consider a gap year? With two students in college the EFC (per student) is greatly reduced.
I still think your eldest should apply this year, too. If there is a financial offer that works then you’ll be good, and if not trying again next year with two in school will help ensure the decision can be made knowing the financial aid offers for both since they are so close in age.
There are kids that end up with nothing working financially and having to re-apply with a gap year to be eligible for freshman renewable awards. Skipping applying as a senior makes pulling information together after a gap year even harder. Teachers should be able to reload recommendations etc. next year and won’t have to take time away from writing letters for next year’s seniors if a gap ends up being the only option.
UAH full tuition auto merit (housing added if scores go up to 1520+ or 34+) https://www.uah.edu/admissions/undergraduate/financial-aid/scholarships
Try the ACT, might be better at it and reach a 34 more easily than improving SAT to 1520.
OK, did we miss home state? Univ of Arizona is a school with good merit and a late deadline. Missing Nov 1st deadline will hurt at many schools but there are options. U of Az also has OOS waivers if you meet certain profiles although best merit aid goes to NMF.
Just a word of warning with the Gap year (we took one for financial/maturity reasons) some schools do not offer their merit to kids who take a gap year, read the fine print and if its vague, call the school and get them to email an answer so you have it in writing.
We mitigated risk by using our state’s prepaid tuition plan , plus some 529’s. Our youngest attended a private HS. Only one kid in his graduated senior class attended CC. I don’t think that is a viable option to consider. You have to consider value which will often make the decision for you. Our youngest had offers from about $4000 COA (full tuition + partial living) in a 75-100 ranked school to close to $70K for a top 15 school. Ultimately he took the middle road, took our in-state flagship (top 15 rated in his program) , so all we have to cover is living expenses and books since tuition is prepaid, which happily coincided with the end of our mortgage payment. He’s expected to contribute with internships and summer jobs. We haven’t had the graduate school discussion yet, but fortunately costs are not high for engineers.
Our eldest wasn’t as academically inclined but was very frugal. He attended an early college program and graduated from his 4 year school with 1.5 years of tuition remaining in his account. We were pretty lucky.
I would err on the conservative side for your eldest. You don’t know what will happen in the future, an it is very hard to say no once you have committed down a certain path. You also have to account for tuition price increases for your younger children. You may have to allocate, say $150K for kid 1, $180K for kid 2, and $220K for kid 3 just to equalize the expenses.