@19parent Thanks - helpful lessons. I’m already starting with my daughter who is a sophomore to attend college fairs to get her head around things. She’s doing interesting EC’s, some of which she’s very passionate about.
@bloomfield88 oh yes! 3/4 of me is exactly where you’re at, but the other 1/4 is really gonna miss this last kid. He’s a musician and our house will be so terribly quiet when he’s gone.
But DH and I really are looking forward to a vacation and a less intense schedule.
I’ve seen some terribly difficult kids going through this process who insisted they would not go to certain schools, and at the end of the season ended up at them. The parents insisted that apps be sent to them. They were open to whatever schools their kids wanted, but they wanted certain bases covered. Sometimes kids just don’t gave the foresight to cover certain contingencies.
@cptofthehouse In that respect, we were pretty lucky. My son had no emotional attachment to a particular school (unlike me), 
He only wanted to visit the ones 1) he was accepted to, 2) we could afford and 3) that seemed interesting to him on paper or through word of mouth,. Turns out his #1 choice was one I asked he consider and keep on his common app for curiosity’s sake. Be careful what you pray for they say! Ha!
Happy it is over, even happier that our DD is excited for her choice.
Biggest lesson learned is probably not to waste time and money chasing the elites if you are unhooked and not super exceptional in some way.
@cptofthehouse - agree. My son didn’t really believe his father would stick to the budget he set. He wasn’t completely wrong to think that, but still, he didn’t plan for contingencies. When I suggested he add more financial safeties to his list, he accused me of thinking he wasn’t going to get in anywhere. That wasn’t it - the issue was “will you get in anywhere you want to go to that your Dad will pay for?”
Sadly, the finances too often don’t come to the table until at the end of the process. Even then, better off than those who won’t acknowledge them until that bull can’t be paid. sometimes years later in the form of student loans.
My advice is please don’t let your kids apply to schools that you really don’t want them to go to. Wheather its because you can’t afford it or it’s too far or whatever the reason you don’t want them to go to the school. it never fails over the last couple of years I’ve been on CC to see the can you help me find $50,000 worth of scholarship 2 days before May 1st. Or the post of help me convince my parents to let me go to insert name School. We even had a poster on here that said they let their kid apply even though they knew they couldn’t afford it because they were just hoping they get rejected. Don’t let your kids apply to school that you don’t want them to go to or can’t afford.
Well, not wanting them to go there , is not necessarily a disqualifier. Refusing to pay for them to go there or not able to pay for it without scholarship and not having those conditions clear, a whole other story.
I wasn’t thrilled with a lot of my kids’ ’ Final choices. But it was their choice.
Reading this, the parts I had forgotten about were the anxiety before the first acceptance, & that sense of calmness that descends after the first acceptance arrives. I realize the schools with single-digit acceptance rates need time to study each applicant, but a lot of others seem to drag out the process unnecessarily. Thankfully, Nebraska made its decision just a few days after the application was submitted.
@moooop Go Huskers! DD chose UNL 
@threebeans Glad to hear it! My kid graduated a year ago in 3 years, found a good job in Lincoln & loves it. It’s one of the flagship publics that’s in a city big enough to offer a multitude of internships during the school year, which is a very underrated characteristic.
@moooop And UN was good enough for the world’s greatest long term investor and new age philanthropist too.
Thank you for starting this thread, Theoden, it’s fun and offers a new perspective. I noted that a couple of people said that they wished they’d known about CC earlier in the process. I was lucky to discover it during my son’s junior year, when I was trying to figure out athletics recruitment issues, but it would be easy to be put off by all the negative publicity that centers around the “chance me” threads. I’ve been so impressed by the generosity of the participants in helping both parents and, even more so, students through the process. If this resource had existed when I was trying to find my way through as a first-generation applicant with no clue whatsoever, it would have made a tremendous difference. That being said, things turned out fine in the end in any event, which is another common theme here!
My lesson learned is you can plan but you never know. Kid who swears he wants to go to school as far away from you as possible may end up deciding to go to the great in-state university 5 miles from home. And wanting to switch to a major that’s very different than the major he applied to in October. Said in-state University may end up costing after financial / merit aid more than it’s going to cost for the other kid to go to a top out of state private school that gives great need based aid. But everyone will assume you’re paying out the wazoo for the private school and making the other kid go to the local in-state school.
Also lesson learned is that I’ve learned SO MUCH from CC since finding it 2 years ago when older kid was almost done with the college process and we were having to say no to the school he wanted to attend due to financial reasons. It shored me up to read about so many people saying no in similar situations and their children surviving. It also guided the process this time around.
@tkoparent You’re welcome! I came to this thread late in my son’s process. He had already applied and been accepted, but as I was navigating school vibes, understanding about aid, everyone here was super-helpful. I’ve offered some help to people in PM about navigating FAFSA and CSS, and I wish someone has explained some of this to me when my oldest daughter was looking. Indeed, everything did work out for us.
I am starting the college process sooner with my youngest daughter, but, fingers crossed I’m not going to obsess about it. (says the guy who posts too much on CC). Thus far she’s landed amazing internships over the summer that not only she is interested in, but will help in her EC activities page. She’s involved in clubs at school, started one of her own. Her grades are high, but she needs to work hard to prep for her SAT’s.
I remember talking to one of my son’s high school teachers at a parent-teachers conference a couple of years back, and he jokingly said for my son to get into my alma mater, he would need to stand out in an unusual way, perhaps he could start a non-profit and help start micro enterprises in a developing nation, and on top of that, perhaps win some kind of slam-poetry contest in the East Village and publish his poems on a YouTube page that earns him a small fortune, which he donates to hurricane victims, and of course, be the captain of one of his high school varsity teams, not to speak of needing to have an A+ average, over 1500 on the SAT’s, and meaningful stand-out extra curricular activities. We laughed about it - but it’s not far from the truth. I’ve also read stories on CC that kids like that still don’t get into the schools they want.
My goodness. I got into a great school with a 3.4 GPA, mediocre SAT’s, with a couple of extra-curriculars.
It’s tougher on these kids.
One of my lessons learned…it’ll be OK. I’m lucky in that being a NYC resident, we have options. An excellent City (CUNY) and State (SUNY) university system that is affordable, and has a vast majority of City and State kids at these schools. They are real public universities. Many State Universities are thinly veiled private colleges that decreasingly accept in-state students and are attracting super talented and/or very well-to-do out of state and foreign students. The Public Ivies, so to speak, may not really all that interested in serving the public in their home states. I’ve also discovered that there are excellent, private, liberal arts colleges that offer significant merit and need based aid and they accept a wider variety of students. They measure their success by the output and the outcomes of their graduates, rather than by their super-stellar accomplishments before they arrive. Hyper-selectivity may not the most important measure of a school. I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes. I applaud all the kids that got into Ivies, Public Ivies and Hidden Ivies. Your kids must be truly exceptional.
Of course…if my kids got into these schools, I might be singing a different tune. My swag will be for schools no one ever heard of.
Lots of parents have to get over not getting their kids into Ivies. I had to get over not getting my kids into the Hidden Ivy’s (my alma mater is one of those). It’ll be OK.
This doesn’t mean that alumni networks and building social and cultural capital while you’re in college isn’t important or that name recognition won’t help in getting a job… The middle class in our country is shrinking. There isn’t much of a safety net out there. I see why life has become one increasingly long resume building exercise. Some of these state schools and less famous liberal arts schools are stepping up to the plate and becoming more market saavy and helping kids to think laterally, collaboratively, giving them internships, research opportunities and study abroad. They are prepping them for the real world.
I’ll be OK.
@“one+two” Yup…it’s OK to say “no” to schools you can’t afford.
I really like this thread. I think my husband and I put WAY too much pressure on this whole process because this was our first child and she was a super achiever so we really wanted her to reach for the stars. That’s OK, but I think it ended up putting a ton of pressure on her to pick the “prestigious” engineering schools she was accepted to when in reality she was scared and nervous and leaning more towards the schools with smaller engineering programs where she wouldn’t feel so lost. She felt like she was letting us down and “taking the easy way” and not doing what everyone expected her to do. I’m so glad my husband and I finally realized this and even more glad my daughter was brave enough to set us straight and make the choice that was honestly the best one for herself. She was the most level headed one in the family, to be honest.
As dad of HS class of '19 and '21 kids I am:
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Incredibly relieved that it’s over.
Feeling very, very fortunate that our daughter got into her first choice “dream” private school.
…With a financial aid package that makes it more affordable than in-state at a UC or CSU.
Blessed that she also received a 4 year merit scholarship that will mostly stack on the aid package.
Perplexed that although she was accepted to 3 of the top 4 ranked (for engineering) private schools on her list, she was waitlisted or denied by the next 6.
Thankful for all the hard work my daughter put in throughout high school and before that resulted in such great opportunities.
Glad that she put in the work of writing, editing, rewriting well over 50 different essays for her 18 applications.
Appreciative of all of the research, analysis, and support that my wife put in- effectively becoming a full-time college admission counselor for a several months. This included such things as running NPC’s on probably 30 college websites, reading up on public honors colleges, critiquing those 50+ essays, etc.
Thankful for the opportunities afforded by our urban public school of 4000+ students.
Thankful for the amazing teachers- especially the two that wrote recommendations that helped get her dream school and merit scholarship.
Excited but a bit melancholy that my girl is going to fly away to college and start living the next phase of her life.
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Finally:
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A little apprehensive that in 2 years we do it all over again with our son.
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I didn’t have a child applying this cycle; in fact our youngest is graduating, and this whole process is over for us. I came back to the forum at the tail end of the season.
I was surprised how competitive things are for the more selective schools. With the college kids demographics going down, I’d have thought the opposite. I think less onus on test scores, though just could be my impression. I was surprised at the number of 1500+ SAT1 scoring kids not getting into a number of their choices.
I was also surprised to see more hefty scholarships to some private schools. It seemed to me that merit money at those schools were usually $5k or less. $10k occasionally and only full tuition or rude for very very few students. I’m seeing a lot more $20k, $30k awards than I remember.
A drop in those guaranteed full ride deals where if you have the gpa and test score thresholds, you got the awards. Temple, for one, is an example.
I enjoy reading the familiar nanes’ Who have gotten even more skilled and wiser these years. Such gems here on the forum. Some now are promoted to moderators. Forum still the best around for insights in all aspects of college admissions.