I thought we did all the hard stuff, but now acceptances are coming in. My D has applied to 12 colleges, 2 too many with hindsight. She has had two EA acceptances with decent scholarships, and I am very sure she will get at least four more, some with money also. Unsurprisingly, most of her other schools are unlikely to offer money.
It’s now sinking in that she will have one month to revisit colleges and make a decision. She will do two accepted students days before April, but I am wondering how do kids and parents make the final decison? If we can afford to pay, how much do we let money influence the decision? Is it best to let her trust her gut? I never thought being offered money would suddenly make things seems different, but in truth, it does. Any insight, experiences, ideas appreciated.
I should have said that while we can afford tuition, it would be very helpful for her to go to a college that offeres merit aid. My husband is self-employed, so it is worth considering.
Does your D plan on medical/law school etc.? If so better to take advantage of aid and save the money for that…or for down payment on a post graduation condo.
@Lindagaf I put a reply on your other thread regarding our experience but want to add here. We were in your position re: finances. We could afford full pay but, of course, merit aid is always helpful and always welcomed. However, since we did not stipulate that $ was a driving factor for our child, we did not feel it should be a overarching factor in our child’s final decision. We even offered up merit aid money post grad for grad school or starting a business. Final decision, we left some merit money on the table when our child chose a school that seemed like the best fit for several well thought out reasons and gut instincts, not all academic or financially related.
It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing one’s exact financial situation or what kind of conversations took place in the family ahead of time regarding college choice and finances.
@doschicos , you have been great, thank you so much. I really like your approach. We have never told her she can’t apply to any college because of money. In fact, my foreign husband would happily pay full price for both Brown and Tufts, because he feels they are more “worth it”, being proper universities. I have had to show him payscale reports and college measures stats along with lots of articles. He has needed convincing, and obviously needs more.
I think that we are in a similar position, with respect to fit/money/ability to pay. D1 is currently a junior, D2 will graduate in 2021. Full pay “might” be possible but with two to consider and the economy always somewhat uncertain, how much do we want to squeeze our resources? It’s the $64K question (x4!)
Is this your only/last child to attend college? Do you have enough of a cushion with respect to your husband’s earning potential to cope with the unexpected?
I imagine that somewhere in my head is a magic number where cost offsets fit but I don’t know what that number is, I’m sure I’ll recognize it when I see it. If fit were substantially better, I guess I could see going 5-10K per year higher. But I don’t know if I’d be so accepting of a 20K per year difference.
We are just at the beginning of the process but if I could do one thing over again it would be to NOT have visited campuses that we don’t want to afford. At the time our understanding of how financial aid works and how we might fare was somewhat misinformed. However, we have begun to identify merit-aid possibilities about which our daughter is enthusiastic and hopefully the pining over Vassar and Brown will be of short duration (reaches in any case).
This probably isn’t helpful but good luck with your decision!
Pro con list. My son has 9 acceptances to schools that are all a good fit and met his three very specific criteria. We visited all at least once. When the decisions and numbers started to come in, there was on school that came just a little over budget, there was nothing better about it than the other 8, so he knocked it off. Of the others, he made a very detailed list including absolutely everything that he liked or didn’t like. Since they were all acceptable choices and in budget, we let him just do his thing. One school has a food truck with disgusting junk food on weekends. My son thinks this is a massive pro. Another has a long walk between dorm and food. He finds that a substantial con. He is extremely challenged in language, so the number of required language courses or the criteria for placement were either pros or cons. When he filled his list up with absolutely anything that crossed his mind (he has to live there, after all), two very definite contenders emerged. The tie break was that one school has a music department (he is a very serious non-major) that is a better fit, and I suspect that he will go there although no deposit has been made. Good luck!
I like that, @zoosermom . She might really love a pro/con list, because she loves making lists. She is a very indecisive person, so maybe that could be an idea that works for her.
Also cracking up about the gross food truck. That would be a pro for my son. What college is it, I will make,sure he doesn’t visit!
I can also entirely relate to this conversation. We CAN afford full-boat, but it’s not like it isn’t going to leave a mark, and it’s really tough to gauge how much to let it influence our process. We’ve been through it once with our daughter, and now we’re going through it again with our son, and I guess the only thing I’d add is I think it partly depends on the kid. My daughter was a very high stats kid, and had had some unfortunate experiences in high school of feeling like an outsider due to a lack of intellectual peers. So it felt like a real priority for me that she was going to be surrounded by very bright, motivated kids in college. She applied almost exclusively to top tier schools that offered no merit money. In the end, we totally lucked out with her deciding that Olin was her favorite, and they give a $21K merit scholarship to every student.
My son is a different story – he’s a plenty bright kid, too, but he also knows the feeling of watching some of his brilliant peers make things look easy that he has to work very hard at. We, perhaps ill-advisedly, let him apply to a couple of reaches that would cost us $60K+/year if he gets in, but I have serious reservations about spending that kind of money if he’s fortunate enough to get admitted. It’s not that I don’t think he’s worth the same investment that we were prepared to make for my D, it’s just that I think he could have an experience that’s very comparable in quality, and perhaps even be happier, at some schools on his list that will end up costing us literally half that much. Even now, we haven’t said we’re absolutely not going to pay for his reaches, but I’ve been mentally prepping him that that’s how we’re leaning. Thankfully, he’s totally cool with that, and is already quite excited about his EA school that gave him a terrific merit offer. Ironically, I think the people that might have a harder time seeing us turn down an offer from one of his top-tier schools will be extended family, but we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.
Elizabethtown College in Pennsylvania. My son really thought he was confused, but it turns out that he had a lot more opinions and impressions than he realized he had. He had several much higher ranking options, but he had been shockingly mature in crafting the list, so every option was reasonable and appropriate. If nothing else, making lists can leave a shorter list remaining and then admitted student events can be utilized to winnow further. I would have sworn that another school would be the choice, but he went to a department-specific admitted students event and found that he just really didn’t want to be there. That was helpful. Maybe you can’t go to all admitted student things, but possibly if you can get down to four real contenders, you can give real focus to departments or other specifics that are a priority to your daughter. It’s also fun. I’ve really had good laughs at what my son does and doesn’t like. I’ve saved the pro/con list for posterity. I’m confident that his future wife and kids will enjoy it as much as I do!
@mamaedefamilia , agree that at some point there may well be a money factor which could offset her top choice. In all honesty, if Clark hadn’t offered her $20k a year, I don’t think it would be in the running anymore, even though it is a fine school with a lot of good points. The money factor is strong enough that we all feel she needs to attend the accepted student’s event.
In regards to your child, definitely limit the reaches. Reaches are too easy to find, and she should apply to the reaches that she strongly likes and that are within the realm of possibility of getting in. Also, I am now realizing, that if my D gets into any of her reaches, they are still going to require another visit, and two are plane rides away. I didn’t think before about the added costs of that, and it’s a little annoying to realize that deciding what school,not to go to is going to cost more cash.
@rayrick , wow, we have two identical kids! Exactly the same with my son! He is only a freshman, but he already has said he will never apply to any colleges that his sister has, and that he wants to go to a college that offers him money. He is the kind of kid that will thrive where he is planted, whereas my D sounds a lot like your D.
Of course I want to give my kids the same advantages, but my D is the kind of kid that I strongly feel needs to be in a college where she will have plenty of opportunities, intellectually and otherwise. I do feel that for her, it may be worth spending a little more to ensure she is in the right environment. But will that be Clark, or Carleton?
I would tell her to make a list of pros and cons and start with the colleges that are good but less expensive or the ones that have given her a scholarship. Is it more important to her to be near home? Is she more concerned with how the college is ranked for her major? If she loves the beach or loves to ski is the campus near either of these? If she prefers warmer weather, is the college in the south? I agree that she should go with her gut. (but for you, it is important that your family can afford it)
@lindagaf, for whatever it’s worth, Carleton was one of three schools my D was still agonizing over on April 29th. She LOVED it, and I still see it as the road not taken in some ways. We have no regrets, as she’s had a great experience at Olin and things are working out beautifully for her with regards to her post-graduate plans, but I almost think Carleton might have been an even better fit for her. Not trying to influence your decision – just couldn’t resist professing my admiration for that school.
Our story repeated. The first time D. had hard time deciding on her private HS. More so that I was very sure about one - more expensive, while she wanted to attend at another. My choice offered great Merit award - 1/3 of tuition, which made them equal in tuition. I told D. - “Follow the money”. The school that offered you great Merit award, knows that you match what they are looking for in student. This is a good indication for you that you will be happy there. D. bought my argument and attended at the HS that offered Merit and it was a great match for her, awesome 4 years.
Having this positive experience with the “Follow the money” approach", D. decided to use it for colleges. Attended at her original #2 on full tuition Merit scholarship and ended up with other great 4 years, awesome environment, unbelievable opportunities, all goals are accomplished way beyond than expected.
I say “Follow the money” works! Worked for my D. 2 times, must be correct approach!
She should ask herself if she would go to the merit aid option even if they didn’t give her much if any money.
For certain students, like pre-meds, “follow the money” is good advice. But I don’t think it’s a hard-and-fast rule.
The institutional purpose of merit aid is to buy students who are better than the general applicant pool the college gets. It does not necessarily mean that the college is a good fit for a student. Be sure there is an academic peer group and sufficient challenge at the school before accepting a merit award. The flip side is that some merit awards have fairly high GPA minimums to maintain. Would your D still want that school if she lost the scholarship because she could not get a 3.5 one semester?
I would also be careful about promising your D that if she saves you a lot of money now, you will “reward” her in the distant future by giving her money later for some other purpose. What if you can’t honor that promise because your financial situation changes? Make the decision based on the current financial situation and outlook. If you don’t have the money to give now, honestly, you probably won’t have it later either (or you won’t want to give it, and you will cause resentment if you promised it on condition of D choosing cheaper undergraduate choice).
@NJSue , another excellent perspective. Your first sentence makes a lot of sense. I don’t think we will make any future promises to her. It does seem that revisiting where she has been accepted is going to be really important.
