I have been getting mixed reviews about my college essay and I was wondering if I could get more opinions on it and my topic before I decide to change/keep it.
The essay features 3 entries inside my journal to showcase that I value my community and am a very curious person.
The first entry is about my family and politics. Before major elections we research all about each candidate and argue over the issues at the dinner table - “dinner table politics”. This shows how much I love my family, and thanks to them, I am very curious.
The second entry is about what motivates my curiosity. I show this through my APUSH study group. We all went the extra mile in that class. (writes 17 page essay for a 7-page prompt, etc.) Curiosity and my pursuit of knowledge connects me to people I would have never met before (people in APUSH study group) and brings me joy (memories of drawing chalk timelines, meeting up late to study for exams, etc.)
Last entry is about how I value community over all my achievements. I wrote a novel, but I valued the real people and the time I spent with them, more than the finished product.
The conclusion reiterates the themes of my essay.
I would appreciate any sort of feedback. I am very concerned this essay is, in a way, too risky and out of the norm which will cause admissions officers to dismiss it.
I love your idea…but I’m gonna be honest, it’s a bit much. I edit and read a bunch of kid’s essays (I go to Yale now, but kids text/email me for help from high school still lol) and what really makes an essay be good is this formula: start with one moment…expand that moment and discuss how it’s impacted you as a whole (include your passions…)…then circle back to that same moment. And my advice is make the essay about you!! So many kids write about how their parents immigrated to the states…makes the school wanna admit their parents not them…so be weary of that. What stands out in your entries is the novel…like that’s super cool! Maybe elaborate on that? Or the family politics that seems like actually a cute one. I like APUSH theme…curiosity and knowledge…but a tad boring with the study group stuff. Remember colleges want to see a different side of you! Let me know if you have any other questions!
I like the family dinner table politics. I think if you could keep it light, make it funny and focus on the love within your family it could really showcase you. In today’s culture, family dinners have become a rarity so that in and of itself is something. I agree with Amber…the study group thing is a yawn.
I think it’s a lot to cover in 650 words. I think you should find one aspect of your life NOT included or implied in your application, and concentrate on that.