College essay anecdote help?

College Essays
1

I am discussing learning different languages in my essay. I learn Spanish, French, and Chinese. For the anecdote, I’m debating between two times learning languages has impacted my life.

For the first, I gave english tutoring native spanish speaking children who spoke no english. As a result I ended up taking Spanish in school so that in the future I could help more children. I read stories with them and used many expressions to help convey the meaning of what I was reading. I also learned a bit of spanish expressions so I could talk to them. I really loved tutoring them, and by the time we were done the children could say some english to me. I really learned about the opportunities children lose who only speak spanish. Though I feel like I didn’t help greatly, because I only volunteered 20 weeks.

For the second, I volunteer at a hotel of sorts where people whose relatives are in the hospital stay while that relative is at the hospital. A few weeks in, I met a woman who only spoke French. No one else at the hubbard house could really understand her since she only spoke French. I had taken french in school, so I talked to her and connected with her, even though my French was horrible. I first started small, by saying hello and goodbye and have a nice day, and I loved seeing her smile because I knew some French. As I talked more to her each saturday I volunteered, I learned that her husband was in the hospital because he had cancer. I learned more French each day I got home from the hubbard house so I could talk to her more. She told me she was glad she had someone to talk to at the hubbard house since no one else spoke French. I was happy to talk to her (I loved connecting with her, and improving my French,) This made me really grateful that I learned french, and i want to help and connect with more people in the future.

So, which one should I use in my personal statement? I feel like if I use them both that would be too much. Also, what do colleges want to see that these moments have taught me?

2

I think both topics can work. What’s important is to bring the essay full circle so that you are explaining how that meaningful experience made you feel, and also how it connects to what you hope to do in college. Make sure that you have someone edit your essay as well for correct punctuation and spelling. Typically high schools have educators who will do that for you.

3

Definitely use the second - while the first example shows you tutored kids, many applicants tutor and, I feel, would have similar experiences. The second has such a deeper significance as you helped a woman who had no one. And while in tutoring, talking to and interacting with kids is part of your “job description,” helping the woman at the hospital like you did seems like you really went above and beyond (something colleges enjoy - they like to see someone who is passionate and really invests themselves into whatever they do.)

I don’t know what you plan to major in while you’re in college, but the best thing to do would be to somehow relate this back to your planned major (if you can). I learned that colleges also like to see someone who has a plan for their future because then the college sees a greater graduate-security vs someone who will end up dropping out. They want to see how the moment impacted you in the present and in the future.

Hope this helps :slight_smile:

4

Thank you so much, your comment really helps :slight_smile: I am going to write about that.