College Essay Feedback

<p>Hi everyone! Can someone please take a look at my common app essay and give me any suggestions or feedbacks?</p>

<p>I really appreciate it! Thanks a billion :) </p>

<p>Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. </p>

<pre><code>My nights used to be filled with shrill screams of my mother, yelling for my drunk father to get out of the house, while I cradle my little sister in my arms, telling her everything is going to be ok. My father used to be an alcoholic, who came home drunk almost everyday, rambling nonsense and being rude to my mother, little sister, and me. Being a young seventh grader, I remember the hopelessness in my heart as I watched my mother sobbing into her hands, my father lying unconscious in their bed, and how much I hoped I was a boy, a son, to protect my mother and little sister.
By the filial piety code in the Asian community, as a girl, a daughter, I was supposed to always respect my parents, and God forbid, talk back. I have always been one to follow the rules, and this one was no exception. All those nights of drunken episodes, when I finally had the courage to speak up for my mother, the moment a word of resistance escaped my mouth, my father’s piercing eyes glances over at me and all that string of hope is lost as I shrink back into my shell of the perfectly silent daughter.
As the days continued, months passed, and the drunken rage got more severe, my shell slowly chipped away and I emerged no longer the passive daughter, but a daughter wearing the disguise as a son. I am a daughter, but I can protect my mother and sister like a son and a brother. As the war between my dad and alcohol wage on, my mother’s war against my father is slowly losing. I watched on the sidelines as she crumble slowly, rarely smiling as the tears became a permanent streak on her face. It broke my heart to see my family slowly falling apart because of my father, and one night with thick determination, I shed my skin of the typical submissive daughter, and started to fight alongside my mother.
With this newfound identity, I suddenly became the support of the family. My mom came to me with all her problems, and my sister came to me to seek protection. I fought back with my father. Instead of shying away from a piercing glance, I started to glare right back. I became the son of the family. I needed to protect my family from my father once he was taken control by the alcohol.
After two years of roleplaying as a son, it inadvertently became a part of my identify. Through this experience, I learned to let go of the stereotypical daughter figure in my mind and learn to stand up as girls. From learning to stand up not only for myself but for others, it is the reteaching of the “learning to stand up for what is right” story we all learned back in elementary school. As of a struggle with alcohol for 2 years, My father has also ended his war, reuniting my family once more.
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