<p>Do you believe this is a good essay for a good University, such as American, or University of Maryland? (some of the indenting is bad because I cut and pasted it from my word doc to here)</p>
<p>This past summer I had the wonderful opportunity to travel to France with my mother and the High School French class. We started off in Paris and continued to tour the country. I found the most significant part of the journey was when we toured Paris.
When my group arrived at the airport, I tested my French skills on an $8 cup of coffee. My face gleamed with happiness as I asked, Un café sil vous plait. While seemingly ridiculous in price, the opportunity to practice the 3 years of French that I have studied on a person other than my French teacher was priceless.
Continuing on our journey to Paris, we passed the Stade de France, along with various other historic buildings. After an eight-hour flight, I think I was the only person taking in the sights on the bus, let alone the only person awake.
That evening, the Basilique du Sacré-Cur was clearly visible from our dimmly lit café that was glowing with joyous faces. A waiter walked up to us with a half smile in a seamingly seasonable situation and asked our group Are you kids old enough to vote? Some of us nodded, while I, unfortunately, shook my head. Can you do everyone a favor
please vote for Barack Obama. When we left the restaurant, our group walked past a McDonalds and I realized how similar our cultures really are. America has such an influence on the rest of the world that people in other countries really do care.
The next day we meandered around the Musée du Louvre and the Musée d'Orsay where I got to experience French culture first hand. Witnessing such artists as Monet, Da Vinci, and Van Gogh was a breath taking experience that allowed me to see first hand the famous artwork that I had studied back in school. While I am certainly not the artist of the family, it doesnt mean I cant appreciate the little things in life including art.
Our last day in Paris involved a stroll down the Avenue des Champs-Élysées. This historical street is perhaps the most prestigious high rent street in the world. My mother and I vehemently climbed to the top of the Arc de Triomphe. The 360º panarama from the top was absolutely breathtaking. I looked out at the business district of La Défense where my politically minded self questioned their financial system. I had finally gotten to witness a different economic system, along with its successes, and its failures.
I looked towards the Eiffel tower and thought to myself of how 70 years ago, invaders and saviours were both fighting over the fate of this magnificent city. Mans cruelty to man had never been so evident than through Nazi Germany which had threatened to destroy many historical relics of France. However, the people pulled through by working together. Such had been the case in Notre Dam de Chatres where the townspeople banded together to save the world-famous stained glass windows. They each took a section and hid it in their basement until the war was over. It is through teamwork like this that we are able to enjoy such a majestic nation. Through teamwork, anything is possible.
Coming from a rural town, I was pleased to be in such a large city for 3 days. I tested my French with various people, including our tour guide, shopkeepers, and the occasional tourist who assumed I looked French. As a culturally aware person, I learned many things throughout this trip including teamwork, modesty, and how influential American policy really is.
It is through experiences such as the one in the café that has led me to volunteer for Obama, because I truly believe in the world. Despite the fact I cant vote, I believe in aiding a cause greater than my own. Once in awhile, when I am passionately calling people to sway them to Obama is when I mention Frances universal healthcare, Europes economy, or just how concerned they are across the pond. It is simply not possible to try and understand a nation until you have traveled there and truly witnessed their culture. That is why I am applying to Northeastern University, because I feel it will adequately prepare me for an outstanding life of learning.</p>
<p>it’s pretty good, but the transitions are a little weak. just remember, to change “That is why I am applying to Northeastern University…” if you’re planning on using it for Univ. of Maryland</p>
<p>I read your essay and found it could benefit with some greater interesting stories. It seemed rather expected. . . how about added something more unique that may have happened, or thoughts you had . . .
You might consdier having your English teacher at your HS proof it. His/Her feedback could be quite helpful. Good luck.</p>
<p>is this a better essay?</p>
<p>This past summer I had a marvelous opportunity to travel to France with my mother and the High School French class. We started off in Paris and continued to tour the country. I found the most significant part of the journey was when we toured Paris. Traveling to a francophone country with a group of French students eager to test their new abilities is like watching a baby learning to talk for the first time. It may not make sense; however the experience of speaking the language with ordinary people is worth the several years of French that we have taken.
When my group arrived at the airport, I tested my “French skills” on an $8 cup of coffee. My face gleamed with happiness as I asked, “Un café s’il vous plait?” I pondered for several moments as to why the coffee might be so expensive. I hadn’t completely grasped the idea of how weak the dollar was compared to the euro. I was tempted to ask the lady, however I had just realized at that moment, I am a minority. For what I could not understand of her, she could not understand of me.
Continuing on our journey to Paris, we passed the Stade de France, along with various other historic buildings. After an eight-hour flight, we all loaded onto a bus. After only a few minutes, my face was the only one beaming with happiness, taking in the little sights. I noticed the street signs, the pedestrians, the little gas stations. I was afraid that I would miss something. I was afraid I would miss that ONE memory I could not take back with me. By this time, I think I was the only one awake.
That evening, the Basilique du Sacré-Cœur was clearly visible from our dimmly lit café that was glowing with joyous faces. A waiter walked up to us with a half smile in a seamingly seasonable situation and asked our group “Are you kids old enough to vote?” Some of us nodded, while I, unfortunately, shook my head. “Can you do everyone a favor… please vote for Barack Obama.” When we left the restaurant, our group walked past a McDonald’s and I realized how similar our cultures really are. America has such an influence on the rest of the world that people in other countries really do heed our decisions.
Our last day in Paris involved a stroll down the Avenue des Champs-Élysées. This historical street is perhaps the most prestigious high rent street in the world. I witnessed diversity that was not at all characteristic of my small town bubble that I had lived in my entire life. My mother and I vehemently climbed to the top of the Arc de Triomphe. The 360º panarama from the top was absolutely breathtaking. I looked out at the business district, La Défense, snuggled amongst the rolling hills. I mind immediately transitioned to a time of reflection. France has had many successes and failures throughout the years. Tight state control on the economy has caused a greater unemployment rate. However their healthcare system is one of the best in the world. In fact nations that implement a universal healthcare system have a much greater life expectancy than countries that have a privatized healthcare system. Perhaps we have much to learn from a nation that has been animate long before America was ever thought of.
I looked towards the Eiffel tower and thought to myself of how 70 years ago, invaders and saviours were both fighting over the fate of this magnificent city. Man’s cruelty to man had never been so evident than through Nazi Germany which had threatened to destroy many historical relics of France. However, the people pulled through by working together. Such had been the case in Notre Dam de Chatres where the townspeople banded together to save the world-famous stained glass windows. They each took a section and hid it in their basement until the war was over. It is through teamwork like this that we are able to enjoy such a majestic nation. Through teamwork, anything is possible. Perhaps in politics the same can prove true. When one can walk across the isle and be willing to work with a political foe, we can achieve a common purpose. Maybe we can’t agree on how to solve a problem, but uniting under the common purpose of admitting that there exists a problem, the more likely we are to solve the problem.
Coming from a rural town, I was pleased to be in such a large city for 3 days. I tested my French with various people, including our tour guide, shopkeepers, and the occasional tourist who assumed I looked French. As a culturally aware person, I learned many things throughout this trip including teamwork, modesty, and how influential American policy really is.
It is through experiences such as the one in the café that has led me to volunteer for Obama, because I truly believe in the world. Despite the fact I can’t vote, I believe in aiding a cause greater than my own. Once in awhile, when I am passionately calling people to sway them to Obama is when I mention France’s universal healthcare, Europe’s economy, or just how concerned they are “across the pond.” It is simply not possible to try and understand a nation until you have traveled there and truly witnessed their culture. That is why I am applying to Baldwin-Wallace College, because I feel it will adequately prepare me for an outstanding life of learning.</p>
<p>thanks a lot guys!!</p>