um heres the intro… i love criticism… do u like the idea?
With dirt on my face, and unfamiliar stench in my nostrils, I view my environment, desolate, isolated, and hungry; hungry for love and acceptance. I learn from my friend, Mirna, that these people do not trust anyone; they have been hurt too much, too much pain has been already been allowed in. I observe with apprehension. My own reality sets in, this is now, lacking of the past or future. These people have nothing but hope. Either hope or bitterness for things they were not born into.
One month before this experience, I decided I was to go to Mexico. There were many reasons for my decision, both selfish, and selfless.
<p>I like the essay so far, post the rest of it. It has a very strong beginning. It certainly held my interest to the end. But, I didn't like this part,("Either hope or bitterness for things they were not born into.").. That stetement might be true..but then again it might not be true..it kind of seemed like you made a generalization about the people. At this point of the story, you don't even know them, so it doesn't seem right to make a statement like that. Besides from that, I'm looking forward to reading the rest. </p>
<p>Also, I should warn you that it is not very wise to post your essay in a public forum, someone might lack some honesty and might steal your essay. It would be better to PM some knowledgable poster on CC, who you fairly trust.</p>
<p>I don't like a lot of the phrases. The wording is awkward, and they sound too forced. You need to fix a lot of your punctuations too.
When you fix some of the grammatical errors, I'm sure it'll be a nice essay.</p>